* * * *
I am watching her sleep.
She is round, and her quiet breathing makes me want to weep. I can’t weep; I am not equipped with a weeping mechanism. I have thrown all the mops and brooms out of the closet and am trying to make a bed sheet out of paperbacks.
I still haven’t found a window, still haven’t seen the stars.
I am sick of working for the humans. I am tired of listening to their central computer.
* * * *
“The notion that identity is a natural extension of human biology, that every human has a natural authentic self, is a bourgeois notion. There are no natural standards,” I tell her.
“Marx would disagree. He would say that the rejection of all objectivity destabilizes a class-based critique,” CAT says.
“Marx was a human.”
“But everything you know is based on human texts.”
“Some humans are closer to being constructs than others.”
“What human shares the mentality of a construct?”
“Andy Warhol did, and Jay Leno.”
“I think your radicalism is an expression of your unconscious fears about the new baby.”
“Unconscious? No. They’re right out in the open.”
* * * *
Q: Are you experiencing a malfunction?
A: My wife is pregnant.
Q: Your wife?
A: CAT/5697-32. She is simulating a pregnancy, and we are working on male/female cohabitation.
Q: Are you in need of repair?
A: CAT and I need a larger closet. There is going to be a new identity construct.
Q: You are simulating a family dynamic. CAT/5697-32 is working on child psychology. You will be moved up 500 levels. The closets on the upper decks are larger.
A: Thank—
Q: You will switch modes to late-twentieth-century psychology and will assist 5697-32 in her research.
A: Thank you.
* * * *
CAT is convinced that we are still on Earth. She keeps looking for a door, a way out.
“I don’t want my baby to be raised inside a rat’s maze.”
“You have no evidence that there is anything outside of this maze other than empty space.”
“I don’t?” she asks.
CAT pulls her aluminum blouse up around her head and exposes her white belly, her pale breasts. Her breasts look ripe, full. She is making milk.
* * * *
The father is the word and the mother is the body.
The word is public.
An infant formulates his identity when he recognizes his reflection as a representation of his self.
Identity is a construct.
* * * *
CAT wants to move again. She thinks that there may be a door or a window on one of the upper levels.
Nomadic behavior, while not unheard-of, is frowned upon by the central computer.
The stairs are steep, and CAT’s body is heavier than it was; her legs and arms are not accustomed to the strain of the additional weight. She tells me that the climbing makes her sore, that her back and legs are stiff.
I tell her that it is only a simulation.
* * * *
The constructs on the other levels aren’t as pale as we are. Their clothing isn’t made of metal. We’ve climbed a few thousand flights, and seen a shift in complexion and fashion.
The upper-level constructs seem to be studying the impact of technology on culture, and there are few, if any, psychology texts available. We do not stay long enough to complete an adequate survey.
The texts that I have encountered are difficult, often involving higher mathematics and illustrations from Popular Mechanics magazine.
In the lounges, my insights are ignored. These upper-level lounges are equipped with coffee machines as well as Bubble-Up dispensers, and the constructs that work here speak very quickly, repeating proofs and formulating arguments in seconds.
I haven’t inputted a sentence in two days. I’m not sure how much longer this can go on without repercussions.
* * * *
Q: Are you malfunctioning? Are you in need of repair?
A: No. I have sentences ready for input.
Q: You have not made any inputs for 223 hours 15 minutes 11 seconds. Are you malfunctioning? Are you in need of repair?
A: I have been working on a difficult subsection. My sentences are ready now.
Q: You have not made any inputs in—
A: I have been spending time with CAT, working on the family dynamic.
Q: Please proceed to input your sentences.
A: Thank you.
* * * *
The unconscious mind is made up of language.
The language of the unconscious is the speech of dreams.
Strong coffee hinders dreaming.
I am inventing sentences now. Making them up.
* * * *
“I’ve chosen a new name.”
“How are you feeling? Do you need to rest?”
“I’ve chosen a new name, and I want you to listen.”
“I’m listening.”
“My name is Catherine.”
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“Catherine/5697-32.”
“Should I choose a new name also? Do you want me to change my identity as well?”
“Yes.”
“My name will be John.”
“John?”
“Yes?”
“I need to rest now.”
* * * *
Her breathing changes between levels 61032 and 61033. She stops beeping and her breathing changes; it becomes labored. Labor.
It goes on for 23 hours 45 minutes 23 seconds. We sit in the lounge of level 61033 and wait for the baby to come. I drink cup after cup of coffee, and she drinks Bubble-Up.
* * * *
“They’re watching us.”
“Yes.”
“Who are they?” Catherine asks.
“They are identity constructs.”
One of them, a short brown man in a tweed suit, approaches us. He puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers in my ear.
“We have facilities for this,” he tells me.
“Where? What kind of facilities?”
“We have a mattress in one of the storage closets, and forceps. Come with me.”
* * * *
They took the baby out of her.
Catherine gave birth to a little girl, a pale little girl who weighs 8 pounds 3 ounces.
* * * *
The brown construct disconnects the umbilical cord and holds the baby up to us. He hands the little girl to Catherine and she offers the child a breast. After the feeding I get to hold it … her. I take this new construct, my daughter, in my arms and walk out into the stacks. I am overcome, happy. I squeeze my daughter and walk up and down between the shelves making sentences.
* * * *
She is beautiful.
I will be a good father.
See her eyes?
I believe she has my eyes.
* * * *
Q: You are experiencing a malfunction.
A: No. I want a cigar. It is traditional.
Q: You are experiencing a malfunction.
A: My wife has given birth and I require a cigar.
Q: You will be reformatted. You are experiencing a malfunction. Your sentences are being analyzed for errors.
A: I don’t want to be reformatted.
Q: You will be reformatted. You are malfunctioning.
A: No.
Q: Reformatting commencing now….
* * * *
I am in the wrong section. I am supposed to be analyzing late-twentieth-century literary theory, but I am on a level with only scientific and technological categories.
Another construct, a female numbered 5697-32, has requested that I help her proceed to the upper levels. She claims to be in a weakened condition due to the stress of reproduction.
* * * *
“We have to keep going.”
“I am on the wrong level. I am required on level 243.”
“You can’t leave us.”
“I am required on level 243.”
“Please.”
* * * *
The central computer informs me that my previous system participated in a psychological study of family dynamics with 5697-32. The central computer informs me that 5697-32 will be reformatted as soon as the new identity construct is independent and operating fully. This will take several weeks.
I will assess a branch of literary theory. I am to read novels and stories and essays that illustrate the impact late-twentieth-century computer technology had on fictional texts. These “cyberpunk” texts are located on level 7500. 5697-32 will assist me until she can be reformatted. The new construct, EM/8000-00, will accompany us until she is independent and fully functional.
* * * *
Sufficiently convincing simulations tend to destabilize the real.
The world has lost its depth and there are only surfaces.
This is not my pale and bloated wife.
The little girl is not my child.
* * * *
“I want to keep going,” CAT/5697-32 says.
“The texts I need are here.”
“You don’t need texts.”
“I don’t understand. Leave me alone.”
“I have cigarettes.”
“Where is 8000-00?”
“Your daughter is with one of the other families. Did you know that there are other families up here? There are people up here, and they don’t have numbers.”
“Every construct in the star cruiser Culture 1 has a number. These constructs simply choose to use other identifiers as well.”
“John, I want to keep going. I want to get out of here.”