That fatal morning when I called!

Consider, Peter, what you do!

You won’t be richer when you’re bald!

Think you, by rending curls away,

To make your difficulties less?

Forbear this violence, I pray:

You do but add to my distress!’

[Image…’Poor peter shuddered in despair’]

‘Not willingly would I inflict,’

Said Peter, ‘on that noble heart

One needless pang. Yet why so strict?

Is this to act a friendly part?

However legal it may be

To pay what never has been lent,

This style of business seems to me

Extremely inconvenient!

‘No Nobleness of soul have I,

Like some that in this Age are found!’

(Paul blushed in sheer humility,

And cast his eyes upon the ground)

‘This debt will simply swallow all,

And make my life a life of woe!’

‘Nay, nay, nay Peter!’ answered Paul.

‘You must not rail on Fortune so!

‘You have enough to eat and drink:

You are respected in the world:

And at the barber’s, as I think,

You often get your whiskers curled.

Though Nobleness you ca’n’t attain

To any very great extent–

The path of Honesty is plain,

However inconvenient!’

“Tis true, ‘said Peter,’ I’m alive:

I keep my station in the world:

Once in the week I just contrive

To get my whiskers oiled and curled.

But my assets are very low:

My little income’s overspent:

To trench on capital, you know,

Is always inconvenient!’

‘But pay your debts!’ cried honest Paul.

‘My gentle Peter, pay your debts!

What matter if it swallows all

That you describe as your “assets”?

Already you’re an hour behind:

Yet Generosity is best.

It pinches me–but never mind!


‘How good! How great!’ poor Peter cried.

‘Yet I must sell my Sunday wig–

The scarf-pin that has been my pride–

My grand piano–and my pig!’

Full soon his property took wings:

And daily, as each treasure went,

He sighed to find the state of things

Grow less and less convenient.

Weeks grew to months, and months to years:

Peter was worn to skin and bone:

And once he even said, with tears,

‘Remember, Paul, that promised Loan!’

Said Paul’ I’ll lend you, when I can,

All the spare money I have got–

Ah, Peter, you’re a happy man!

Yours is an enviable lot!

[Image…Such boots as these you seldom see]

‘I’m getting stout, as you may see:

It is but seldom I am well:

I cannot feel my ancient glee

In listening to the dinner-bell:

But you, you gambol like a boy,

Your figure is so spare and light:

The dinner-bell’s a note of joy

To such a healthy appetite!’

Said Peter ‘I am well aware

Mine is a state of happiness:

And yet how gladly could I spare

Some of the comforts I possess!

What you call healthy appetite

I feel as Hunger’s savage tooth:

And, when no dinner is in sight,

The dinner-bell’s a sound of ruth!

‘No scare-crow would accept this coat:

Such boots as these you seldom see.

Ah, Paul, a single five-pound-note

Would make another man of me!’

Said Paul ‘It fills me with surprise

To hear you talk in such a tone:

I fear you scarcely realise

The blessings that are all your own!

‘You’re safe from being overfed:

You’re sweetly picturesque in rags:

You never know the aching head

That comes along with money-bags:

And you have time to cultivate

That best of qualities, Content–

For which you’ll find your present state

Remarkably convenient!’

Said Peter ‘Though I cannot sound

The depths of such a man as you,

Yet in your character I’ve found

An inconsistency or two.

You seem to have long years to spare

When there’s a promise to fulfil:

And yet how punctual you were

In calling with that little bill!’

‘One can’t be too deliberate,’

Said Paul, ‘in parting with one’s pelf.

With bills, as you correctly state,

I’m punctuality itself:

A man may surely claim his dues:

But, when there’s money to be lent,

A man must be allowed to choose

Such times as are convenient!’

It chanced one day, as Peter sat

Gnawing a crust–his usual meal–

Paul bustled in to have a chat,

And grasped his hand with friendly zeal.

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Categories: Carroll, Lewis