‘No?’
Kwartz sighed. ‘People sometimes act like animals, don’t they? And sometimes a troll will start thinking like a rock, and rocks don’t like people much.’
Breccia, a skinny troll with a sandstone finish, rapped on Kwartz’s shoulder.
‘Are we going to follow them, then?’ he said. ‘The legend says we should help this Rincewind squashy.’
Kwartz stood up, thought for a moment, then picked Rincewind up by the scruff of his neck and with a big gritty movement placed him on his shoulders.
‘We go,’ he said firmly. ‘If we meet Old Grandad I’ll try to explain . . .’
Two miles away a string of horses trotted through the night. Three of them carried captives, expertly gagged and bound. A fourth pulled a rough travois on which the Luggage lay trussed and netted and silent.
Herrena softly called the column to a halt and beckoned one of her men to her.
‘Are you quite sure?’ she said. ‘I can’t hear anything.’
‘I saw troll shapes,’ he said flatly.
She looked around. The trees had thinned out here, there was a lot of scree, and ahead of them the track led towards a bald, rocky hill that looked especially unpleasant by red starlight.
She was worried about that track. It was extremely old, but something had made it, and trolls took a lot of killing.
She sighed. Suddenly it looked as though that secretarial career was not such a bad option, at that.
Not for the first time she reflected that there were many drawbacks to being a swordswoman, not least of which was that men didn’t take you seriously until you’d actually killed them, by which time it didn’t really matter anyway. Then there was all the leather, which brought her out in a rash but seemed to be unbreakably traditional. And then there was the ale. It was all right for the likes of Hrun the Barbarian or Cimbar the Assassin to carouse all night in low bars, but Herrena drew the line at it unless they sold proper drinks in small glasses, preferably with a cherry in. As for the toilet facilities . . .
But she was too big to be a thief, too honest to be an assassin, too intelligent to be a wife, and too proud to enter the only other female profession generally available.
So she’d become a swordswoman and had been a good one, amassing a modest fortune that she was carefully husbanding for a future that she hadn’t quite worked out yet but which would certainly include a bidet if she had anything to say about it.
There was a distant sound of splintering timber. Trolls had never seen the point of walking around trees.
She looked up at the hill again. Two arms of high ground swept away to right and left, and up ahead was a large outcrop with – she squinted – some caves in it?
Troll caves. But maybe a better option than blundering around at night. And come sunup, there’d be no problem.
She leaned across to Gancia, leader of the gang of Morpork mercenaries. She wasn’t very happy about him. It was true that he had the muscles of an ox and the tamina of an ox, the trouble was that he seemed to have the brains of an ox. And the viciousness of a ferret. Like most of the lads in downtown Morpork he’d have cheerfully sold his granny for glue, and probably had.
‘We’ll head for the caves and light a big fire in the entrance,’ she said. Trolls don’t like fire.’
He gave her a look which suggested he had his own ideas about who should be giving the orders, but his lips said, ‘You’re the boss.’
‘Right.’
Herrena looked back at the three captives. That was the box all right – Trymon’s description had been absolutely accurate. But neither of the men looked like a wizard. Not even a failed wizard.
‘Oh, dear,’ said Kwartz.
The trolls halted. The night closed in like velvet. An owl hooted eerily – at least Rincewind assumed it was an owl, he was a little hazy on ornithology. Perhaps a nightingale hooted, unless it was a thrush. A bat flittered overhead. He was quite confident about that.
He was also very tired and quite bruised.
‘Why oh dear?’ he said.
He peered into the gloom. There was a distant speck in the hills that might have been a fire.
‘Oh,’ he said. ‘You don’t like fires, do you?’
Kwartz nodded. ‘It destroys the superconductivity of our brains,’ he said, ‘but a fire that small wouldn’t have much effect on Old Grandad.’
Rincewind looked around cautiously, listening for the sound of a rogue troll. He’d seen what normal trolls could do to a forest. They weren’t naturally destructive, they just treated organic matter as a sort of inconvenient fog.
‘Let’s hope he doesn’t find it, then,’ he said fervently.
Kwartz sighed. ‘Not much chance of that,’ he said. They’ve lit it in his mouth.’
‘It’sh a judgeshment on me!’ moaned Cohen. He tugged ineffectually at his bonds.
Twoflower peered at him muzzily. Gancia’s slingshot had raised quite a lump on the back of his head and he was a little uncertain about things, starting with his name and working upwards.
‘I should have been lisshening out,’ said Cohen. ‘I should have been paying attenshion and not being shwayed by all this talk about your wosshnarnes, your din-chewers. I mussht be getting shoft.’
He levered himself up by his elbows. Herrena and the rest of the gang were standing around the fire in the cave mouth. The Luggage was still and silent under its net in a corner.
‘There’s something funny about this cave,’ said Bethan.
‘What?’ said Cohen.
‘Well, look at it. Have you ever seen rocks like those before?’
Cohen had to agree that the semi-circle of stones around the cave entrance were unusual; each one was higher than a man, and heavily worn, and surprisingly shiny. There was a matching semi-circle on the ceiling. The whole effect was that of a stone computer built by a druid with a vague idea of geometry and no sense of gravity.
‘Look at the walls, too.’
Cohen squinted at the wall next to him. There were veins of red crystal in it. He couldn’t be quite certain, but it was almost as if little points of light kept flashing on and off deep within the rock itself.
It was also extremely drafty. A steady breeze blew out of the black depths of the cave.
‘I’m sure it was blowing the other way when we came in,’ whispered Bethan. ‘What do you think, Twoflower?’
‘Well, I’m not a cave expert,’ he said, ‘but I was just thinking, that’s a very interesting stalag-thingy hanging from the ceiling up there. Sort of bulbous, isn’t it?’
They looked at it.
‘I can’t quite put my finger on why,’ said Twoflower, ‘but I think it might be a rather good idea to get out of here.’
‘Oh yesh,’ said Cohen sarcastically, ‘I shupposhe we’d jusht better ashk theesh people to untie ush and let us go, eh?’
Cohen hadn’t spent much time in Twoflower’s company, otherwise he would not have been surprised when the little man nodded brightly and said, in the loud, slow and careful voice he employed as an alternative to actually speaking other people’s languages: ‘Excuse me? Could you please untie us and let us go? It’s rather damp and drafty here. Sorry.’
Bethan looked sidelong at Cohen.
‘Was he supposed to say that?’
‘It’sh novel, I’ll grant you.’
And, indeed, three people detached themselves from the group around the fire and came towards them. They did not look as if they intended to untie anyone. The two men, in fact, looked the sort of people who, when they see other people tied up, start playing around with knives and making greasy suggestions and leering a lot.
Herrena introduced herself by drawing her sword and pointing it at Twoflower’s heart.
‘Which one of you is Rincewind the wizard?’ she said. There were four horses. Is he here?’
‘Um, I don’t know where he is,’ said Twoflower. ‘He was looking for some onions.’
‘Then you are his friends and he will come looking for you,’ said Herrena. She glanced at Cohen and Bethan, then looked closely at the Luggage.
Trymon had been emphatic that they shouldn’t touch the Luggage. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Herrena’s curiosity could have massacred a pride of lions.
She slit the netting and grasped the lid of the box.
Twoflower winced.
‘Locked,’ she said eventually. ‘Where is the key, fat one?’
‘It – it hasn’t got a key,’ said Twoflower.
‘There is a keyhole,’ she pointed out.
‘Well, yes, but if it wants to stay locked, it stays locked,’ said Twoflower uncomfortably.
Herrena was aware of Gancia’s grin. She snarled.
‘I want it open,’ she said. ‘Gancia, see to it.’ She strode back to the fire.