“There are those who see it differently.” I did not make that a question, for I knew it to be a statement of fact.
He frowned. “Who has been saying so to you?”
“None. This I have guessed for myself.”
His frown grew. “You have guessed the truth. I took Hlymer under my protection, as was fitting when his mother became Lady in Ulm. He has no right to be shield-raised to the High Seat at my death. That is for you. But they press me now to hand-fast Lisana with Rogear, who is cousin-kin to you.”
I was quick enough to understand what he would tell me and yet loath to hear it. But I did not hesitate to bring it into the open myself.
“Thus Rogear might claim Ulmsdale by wife-right.”
My father’s hand went to his sword hilt and clenched there. He rose to his feet and strode back and forth, setting his feet heavily on the earth as if he needed some firm stance against attack.
“It is against custom, but they assault my ears with it day upon day, until I am well-nigh deafened beneath my own roof!”
I knew, with bitterness, that his “they” must be mainly that mother who would not call me son. But of that I did not speak.
He continued. “Therefore I make a marriage for you, Kerovan, an heir’s marriage so that all men can see that I do not intend any such offense against you, but give you all right of blood and clan. This tenth day Nolon rides to Ithkrypt, carrying the proxy axe for your wedding. They tell me that the maid Joisan is a likely lass, lacking two years of your age, which is fitting. Safe-married, you cannot be set aside – though your bride will not come to you until perhaps the Year of the Fire Troll.”
I counted in my mind – eight years then. I was well content. For marriage had no meaning for me then, save that my father deemed it of such importance. I wondered, but somehow I did not dare at that moment to ask, whether he would tell this Joisan, or her kinsmen who were arranging our match, what manner of lord she would meet on her true bride-day that I was what I was. Inside I shrank, even in thought, from that meeting. But to a boy of my years that fatal day seemed very far away, and perhaps something might happen to make sure it would never occur.
I did not see Nolon set forth to play my role in axe marriage, for he rode out of Ulmkeep where I did not go. It was only two months later that my father came to me looking less unhappy, to tell me that Nolon had returned, and that I was indeed safely wed to a maid I had never seen, and probably would not see for at least eight more years.
I did not, thereafter, think much of the fact that I had a lady, being well-occupied with my studies and even more with the quests on which I went with Riwal. Though I was under the guardianship of Jago, he made no protest when I spent time with Riwal. Between those two came to be an odd companionship, in spite of their being so dissimilar in thought and deed.
As the years passed, that stiffness which had come from my tutor’s old hurt grew worse, and he found it difficult to face me in open contest with sword or axe. But with the crossbow he was still a skilled marksman. And his reading of maps, his discussion of this or that battle plan, continued. Though I saw little use then for such matters in my own life, I paid him dutiful attention, and that was to be my salvation later.
But Riwal did not appear to age at all, and as long stride still carried him far distances without thing. I learned early to match his energy. And, while my knowledge of plants was never as great as his, yet I found a kinship with birds and animals. I ceased to hunt for sport. And I took pleasure in the fact that his wild ones did not fear me. Best of all, however, were our visits to the places of the Old Ones. Riwal prospected further and further over the borders of the Waste, seeking ever to find something intact from the ancient days. His greatest hope, as he confided in me, was to discover some book roll or rune record.
When I suggested that the reading of such could well be beyond his skill, for surely the Old Ones had not our tongue, he nodded in agreement. Still I felt he opposed that thought, sure that if he did find such, the Power itself would aid him to understand it.
It was in the Year of the Spitting Toad that I had been wed. As I came closer to manhood, the thought of that distant lady began now and then to trouble me oddly. There were two lads near my years in the foresters’ hold, but from the first they had not been playmates, or later companions. Not only did rank separate us, but they had made me aware, from the beginning of my consciousness of the world about me, that my non-human appearance cut me off from easy friendships. I had given my friendship to only two men – Jago, old enough to be my father, and Riwal, who could have been an older brother (and how I sometimes wished that was the truth!).
But those forester lads went now to the autumn fair with lass-ribbons tied to the upper latches of their jerkins, whispering and laughing about the adventures those led them to. This brought to me the first strong foreboding that when it did at last come tune to claim the Lady Joisan in person, she might find me as ill a sight as had my mother. What would happen when my wife came to Ulmsdale and I must go to bide with her? If she turned from me in open loathing?
Nightmares began to haunt my sleep, and Riwal at last spoke to me with the bluntness he could use upon occasion. When he demanded what ill thought rode me, I told him the truth, hoping against hope that he would speedily assure me that I saw monsters where there were only shadows, and that I had nothing to fear – though my good sense and experience argued on the side of disaster.
But he did not give me that reassurance. Instead he was silent for a space, looking down at his hands, which had been busied fitting together some of his image fragments, but now rested quiet on the table.
“There has ever been truth between us, Kerovan,” he said at last “To me who knows you well – above all others would I choose to walk in your company. But how can I promise you that this will turn to happiness? I can only wish you peace and – “ he hesitated. “Once I walked a path that I thought might end in hand-fasting and I was happy for a little. But while you bear your differences to others openly, I bear mine within. Still, there they be. And the one with whom I would have shared Cup and Flame – she saw those differences, and they made her uneasy.”
“But you were not already wed,” I ventured, when he fell silent.
“No, I was not. And I had something else.”
“That being?” I was quick to ask.
“This!” he spread out his hands in a gesture to encompass all that was about him under that roof.
“Then I shall have this also,” I said. Marry I had, for the sake of custom and my father’s peace of mind. What I had seen and heard of marriages among the dale lords did not set happiness high. Heirs and lords married to increase their holdings by a maid’s dowry, to get a new heir for the line. If inclination and liking came afterward, that was happiness, but it certainly did not always follow so.
“Perhaps you can,” Riwal nodded. “There is something I have long thought on. Perhaps this is the time to do it.”
“Follow the Road!” I was on my feet, as eager as if he meant to set out upon that beckoning mystery this very moment For a mystery it was, and beckon it did.
We had come across it on our last venture into the Waste, a road of such building as put any dale’s effort to shame, making our roads seem like rough tracks fit only for beasts. The end of the road we had chanced upon was just that, a sharp chopping-off of that carefully laid pavement, with nothing about the end to explain the why-for. The mystery began nearly on our doorstep, for that end point was less than a half day’s journey from Riwal’s cot. The road ran on back into the Waste, wide, straight, only a little cloaked here and there by the drift of windborne soil. To find its other end was a project we had indeed long held in mind. The suggestion that we set out on this journey quite pushed from my mind the thought of Joisan. She was just a name anyway, and any meeting between us was still years ahead, while the following of the road was here and now!