I was a married man, a pillar of the community, and I had no intention of changing my ways. He started to get abusive: accused me of ingratitude. Said I’d cheated him. Broken the covenant between us. I told him there’d never been a covenant, I’d just won a game of cards once, in a distant city, and as a result, he’d chosen to help me, for his own reasons. I said I felt I’d acceded to his demands sufficiently to feel that any debt to him had been paid. He’d shared my house, my friends, my life for a decade: everything that I had, had been his to share.
`It’s not enough,’ he said, and he began again: the same pleas as before, the same demands that I give up this pretense to respectability and go off somewhere with him, be a wanderer, be his pupil, learn new, terrible lessons about the way of the world. And I have to say he made it sound almost attractive. There were times when I tired of the masquerade; when I smelled war, dirt; when I saw the clouds over Warsaw, and I was homesick for the thief I used to be. But I wasn’t going to throw everything away for nostalgia’s sake. I told him so. I think he must have known I was immovable, because he became desperate. He started to ramble, started to tell me he was frightened without me, lost. I was the one he’d given years of his life and his energies to, and how could I be so callous and unloving? He laid hands on me, wept, tried to paw my face. I was horrified by the whole thing. He disgusted me with his melodrama; I wanted no part of it, or him. But he wouldn’t leave. His demands turned into threats, and I suppose I lost my temper. No suppose about it. I’ve never been so angry.
I wanted an end to him and all he stood for: my grubby past. I hit him. Not hard at first, but when he wouldn’t stop staring at me I lost control. He didn’t make any attempt to defend himself, and his passivity only inflamed me more. I hit him and hit him, and he just took it. Kept offering up his face to be beaten-” He took a trembling breath. “-God knows I’ve done worse things. But nothing I feel so ashamed of. I didn’t stop till my knuckles began to split. Then I gave him to Toy, who really worked him over. And all the time not a peep out of him. I go cold to think about it. I can still see him against the wall, with Bill at his throat and his eyes not looking at where the next blow was coming from but at me. Just at me.
“I remember he said: `Do you know what you’ve done?’ Just like that. Very quietly, blood coming out with the words.
“Then something happened. The air got thick. The blood on his face started to crawl around like it was alive. Toy let him go. He slid down the wall; left a smear down it. I thought we’d killed him. It was the worst moment of my life, standing here with Toy, both of us staring down at this bag of bones we’d beaten up. That was our mistake, of course. We should never have backed down. We should have finished it then and there, and killed him.”
“Jesus.”
“Yes! Stupid, not to have finished it. Bill was loyal: there would have been no comeback. But we didn’t have the courage. I didn’t have the courage. I just made Toy clean Mamoulian up, then drive him to the middle of the city and dump him.”
“You wouldn’t have killed him,” Marty said.
“Still you insist on reading my mind,” Whitehead replied, wearily. “Don’t you see that’s what he wanted? What he’d come for? He would have let me be his executioner then, if I’d only had the nerve to follow through. He was sick of life. I could have put him out of his misery, and that would have been the end of it.”
“You think he’s mortal?”