He passed the box, the discarded fur. They could fuck on it, he thought: Flynn would like that. He picked up the bag containing his suit, and left. The glass in the window rattled he slammed the door so hard.
“You can come out now,” Charmaine said to the closed bedroom door. “The shooting’s over.”
44
Marty couldn’t get one particular thought out of his head: that she’d told Flynn all about him: spilling the secrets of their life together. He pictured Flynn lying on the bed with his socks on, stroking her, and laughing, as she poured out all the dirt. How Marty’d spent all the money on horses or poker; how he’d never had a winning streak in his life that lasted more than five minutes (you should have seen me today, he wanted to tell her, things are different now, I’m shit-hot now); how he was only good in bed on the infrequent occasions that he’d won and uninterested the rest of the time; how he’d first lost the car to Macnamara, then the television, then the best of the furniture, and still owed a small fortune. How he’d then gone out and tried to steal his way out of debt. Even that had failed miserably.
He lived the pursuit again, sharp as ever. The car smelling of the shotgun Nygaard was nursing; the sweat on Marty’s face pricking in his pores as it cooled in the draft from the open window, fluttering up into his face like petals. It was all so clear, it might have happened yesterday. Everything since then, almost a decade of his life, pivoted on those few minutes. It made him almost physically sick to think of it. Waste. All waste.
It was time to get drunk. The money he had left in his pocket-still well into four figures-was burning a hole, demanding to be spent or gambled. He wandered down to the Commercial Road, and hailed another cab, not entirely certain of what to do next. It was barely seven; the night ahead needed careful planning. What would Papa do? he thought. Betrayed and shat on, what would the great man do?
Whatever his heart desired, came the answer; whatever his fucking heart desired.
He went to Euston Station and spent half an hour in the bathroom there, washing and changing into the new shirt and new suit, emerging transformed. The clothes he’d been wearing he gave to the attendant, along with a ten-pound note.
Some of the old mellowness had crept back into his system by the time he’d changed. He liked what the mirror told him: the evening might turn out to be a winner yet, as long as he didn’t whip it too hard. He drank in Covent Garden, enough to lace his blood and breath with spirits, then had a meal in an Italian restaurant. When he came out the theaters were emptying; he garnered a clutch of appreciative glances, mostly from middle-aged women and well-coiffured young men. I probably look like a gigolo, he thought; there was a disparity between his dress and his face that signaled a man playing a role. The thought pleased him. From now on he would play Martin Strauss, man of the world, with all the bravura he could muster. Being himself had not got him very far. Perhaps a fiction would improve his rate of advancement.
He idled down Charing Cross Road and into the tangle of traffic and pedestrians at Trafalgar Square. There’d been a fight on the steps on St. Martin’s-in-the-Field; two men were exchanging curses and accusations while their wives looked on.
Off the square, at the back of the Mall, the traffic quietened. It took him several minutes to orient himself. He knew where he was going, and had thought he knew how to get there, but now he wasn’t so certain. It was a long time since he’d been in the area, and when he eventually hit the small mews that contained the Academy-Bill Toy’s club-it was more by chance than design.
His heart beat a little faster as he sauntered up the steps. Ahead lay a major piece of playacting, which, if it failed, would ruin the evening. He paused a moment to light a cigar, then entered.