There were other shadowy creatures behind Ford, then finally they left, and we were alone.
“Jilly,” he said, and I wanted to cry with the sheer relief of hearing his voice, but I didn’t know if this body I couldn’t feel was even capable of yielding up tears.
I wanted to ask him if they ‘d gotten my Porsche out of the ocean.
Ford said, “Sweetheart, I don’t know if you can hear me or not. I hope somehow that you can. I spoke to Kevin and Gwen and gave them an update. They send their love and their prayers.
“Now, Jilly, tell me about why you were depressed.”
Depressed? What was this about being depressed? I’ve never been depressed in my life.
Who said anything about being fucking depressed? I yelled it at Ford, but naturally, he didn’t hear me because my words were only bouncing about inside my skull.
“I’ve got to find out why you drove your Porsche off that cliff, Jilly. I find it hard to believe that you were depressed. I can’t remember when you were ever depressed, even when you were a teenager and Lester Harvey dumped you for Susan, that friend of yours who had the big breasts. I remember you just shook your head, said he was a worthless shit, and moved on.
“But things change. We haven’t seen all that much of each other in the past five years or so. You’ve been with Paul. Dammit, Jilly, what happened to you?”
Ford was leaning his forehead on my hand. I could feel the soft whistle of his breath against my skin. I wasn’t depressed, I wanted to tell him. He wanted to know what had happened to me so I said, “Listen, Ford, do you like sex? I didn’t used to like it all that much, but then something happened. A wonderful something.”
I wondered if my mouth was curving at all into a smile. Probably not. I heard Ford’s quiet, steady breathing. He was asleep. Why had he fallen asleep? Then I remembered something about him being sick. Had he been injured somehow? I seemed to remember that.
I wish I could have run my fingers through his hair. Ford had lovely hair, all dark and longer than the FBI would like it to be. But it was his eyes I’d always liked best. Dark blue eyes, just like Mom’s, at least I think they were like Mom’s, she’d been dead for so very long. Yes, his eyes were deep and mellow and too intense on occasion. I remember hearing he was dating a woman named Dolores from Washington, D.C. Every time I thought of her name I pictured a Spanish flamenco dancer in my mind. I wonder if she liked sex with Ford.
When it comes down to it, who cares? I’m here, a prisoner, and Paul’s alive, free to do whatever he wants. But it’s not Paul I’m afraid of, goodness, never Paul. It’s Laura. She was dangerous, wasn’t she? I knew she’d betrayed me. She’d gotten into my head and nearly killed me. Oh, Ford, if she comes back, I won’t be able to bear it. I’ll die.
I’m lying here, just floating about, and I think of Laura. Laura, who betrayed me. Always Laura.
I woke up with a start some hours later at the touch of a nurse’s hand on my shoulder. I raised my head, looked at her face, and said, “Always Laura. Laura betrayed her.”
She arched her right eyebrow, sleek and black. “Laura? Who’s Laura? Are you okay?”
I looked down at Jilly, silent, pale, her skin nearly translucent. “I’m fine,” I said. Who was Laura? I looked up again at the nurse. She was very short, a tiny bird of a woman, and her voice was soft and sweet as a child’s. I nodded at her, then looked at Jilly, whose features were barely visible in the dim light from the corridor. Evidently someone had come into the room, seen me asleep on Jilly’s hand, and turned off the lights.
“It’s time to turn her over,” the nurse said quietly, “and to massage her. Bedsores will come eventually if we don’t take care now.”