“You should have drawn it through at the back,” Avery said. “You ruin your clothes that way.”
“What are they like?” she asked. “The agents? Why do they do it?”
“For loyalty, partly. Partly money, I suppose.”
“You mean you bribe them?”
“Oh shut up!”
“Are they English?”
“One of them is. Don’t ask me any more, Sarah; I can’t tell you.” He advanced his head toward hers. “Don’t ask me, sweet.” He took her hand; she let him.
“And they’re all men?”
“Yes.”
Suddenly she said, it was a complete break, no tears, no precision, but quickly, with compassion, as if the speeches were over and this were the choice: “John, I want to know, I’ve got to know, now, before you go. It’s an awful, un-English question, but all the time you’ve been telling me something, ever since you took this job. You’ve been telling me people don’t matter, that I don’t, Anthony doesn’t; that the agents don’t. You’ve been telling me you’ve found a vocation. Well, who calls you, that’s what I mean: what sort of vocation? That’s the question you never answer: that’s why you hide from me. Are you a martyr, John? Should I admire you for what you’re doing? Are you making sacrifices?”
Flatly, avoiding her, Avery replied, “It’s nothing like that. I’m doing a job. I’m a technician; part of the machine. You want me to say double-think, don’t you? You want to demonstrate the paradox.”
“No. You’ve said what I want you to say. You’ve got to draw a circle and not go outside it. That’s not double-think, it’s unthink. It’s very humble of you. Do you really believe you’re that small?”
“You’ve made me small. Don’t sneer. You’re making me small now.”
“John, I swear it, I don’t mean to. When you came back last night you looked as though you’d fallen in love. The kind of love that gives you comfort. You looked free and at peace. I thought for a moment you’d found a woman. That’s why I asked, really it is, whether they’re all men … I thought you were in love. Now you tell me you’re nothing, and you seem proud of that too.”
He waited, then smiling, the smile he gave Leiser, he said, “Sarah, I missed you terribly. When I was in Oxford I went to the house, the house in Chandos Road, remember? It was fun there, wasn’t it?” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Real fun. I thought about it, our marriage and you. And Anthony. I love you, Sarah; I love you. For everything . . . the way you bring up our baby.” A laugh. “You’re both so … Sometimes I can hardly tell you apart.”
She remained silent, so he continued. “I thought perhaps if we lived in the country, bought a house . . . I’m established now: Leclerc would arrange a loan. Then Anthony could run about more. It’s only a matter of increasing our range. Going to the theatre, like we used to at Oxford.”
She said absently, “Did we? We can’t go to the theatre in the country, can we?”
“The Department gives me something, don’t you understand? It’s a real job. It’s important, Sarah.”
She pushed him gently away. “My mother’s asked us to Reigate for Christmas.”
“That’ll be fine. Look .. . about the office. They owe me something now, after all I’ve done. They accept me on equal terms. As a colleague. I’m one of them.”
“Then you’re not responsible, are you? Just one of the team. So there’s no sacrifice.” They were back to the beginning.
Avery, not realizing this, continued softly, “I can tell him, can’t I? I can tell him you’ll come to dinner?”
“For pity’s sake, John,” she snapped, “don’t try to run me like one of your wretched agents.”
Haldane meanwhile sat at his desk, going through Gladstone’s report.
There had twice been maneuvers in the Kalkstadt area— in 1952 and 1960. On the second occasion the Russians had staged an infantry attack on Rostock with heavy armored support but no air cover. Little was known of the 1952 exercise, except that a large detachment of troops had occupied the town of Wolken. They were believed to be wearing magenta shoulder-boards. The report was unreliable. On both occasions the area had been declared closed; the restriction had been enforced as far as the northern coast. There followed a long recitation of the principal industries. There was some evidence—it came from the Circus, who refused to release the source—-that a new refinery was being constructed on a plateau to the east of Wolken, and that the machinery for it had been transported from Leipzig. It was conceivable (but unlikely) that it had come by rail and had been sent by way of Kalkstadt. There was no evidence of civil or industrial unrest, nor of any incident which could account for a temporary closure of the town.