He was another stranger, yet she had known him from her childhood. Why could she not be left alone? She wanted no more orders, no more gently veiled commands for her care. She raised bleak eyes. She wanted somehow to lash out at him, but she said only, “You take much for granted, Julien.”
“You’re wrong there. I take nothing for granted, at least not anymore. I wish only to see you well again. Then we will see what there is left.”
Damn him, she didn’t want his kindness. She watched wordlessly as he strode from the room.
“Ah, my dear Lady Katharine, there is color in your cheeks already. As I assured your husband here, you’ll be much your old self in a few days’ time. One of the many advantages of youth and your glowing health.” He clasped her hand and wasn’t surprised to find her pulse rate still rapid.
“You are the most fortunate of women in your choice of husbands, let me tell you.” Seeing her look of bewilderment, he added with a smile, “But for his lordship’s quick thinking and intelligent actions, you might have suffered severe complications.”
“Dr. Quaille is overgenerous in his praise.”
“His lordship’s natural modesty, my lady. But in any case, I don’t wish to overtire you.” He patted her hand in a fatherly way and straightened. “I’ve given his lordship instructions for your care. No running up and down the stairs, now. I’ll come to the hall tomorrow to see you. Daresay you’ll be much more the thing then. Ah, and, my dear, there will be other children. Don’t blame either yourself or your husband for this. It was an accident, nothing more, nothing less. These things happen. I’m sorry, but there it is.”
Dr. Quaille executed two swift bows, and Kate heard him exclaim to Julien as he passed through the bedroom door, “A most delicious luncheon, my lord. The ham slices— so wafer thin— a delight, my lord, a delight. Now, you’re not to blame yourself either. It’s just as I told her ladyship. These things happen quite frequently.”
“Is it true, Julien, what the doctor said?” She asked when he returned some minutes later.
She wouldn’t look at him. He said merely, “I acted as I thought best, that’s all.”
How calm he is, how very self-assured, she thought. “As you’ve always acted for the best in my regard,” she said, her voice a blend of sarcasm and bitterness. “Perhaps in this instance, it would have been better had you not succeeded so well.” There, it was said. Oblivion, she thought. Yes, I would have preferred oblivion to the pain of my gratitude to you, to the pain of your knowledge of what happened to me.
She’d finally pushed him over the edge. He leaned over her, his face close to hers. “Listen to me and listen with both ears, and your damned brain. Don’t you ever say such a thing again, else I’ll beat you. Whatever follies I’ve committed in the past, whatever pain I’ve brought to you—” He broke off a moment at her distraught face. “Perhaps you won’t believe me, but yes, I’ve always acted toward you as I thought best, for both of us, for our life together.”
She didn’t move, simply stared up at him and said low and mean, “How glib you are, my lord. Deception? Why, it’s nothing, an everyday thing, in fact. And forcing me, lying to me? Why, my dear, it was for the best, certainly you see that. But of course you’re naught but a woman, and thus not privy to the mysteries of men’s minds. All for the best, yes, that’s it.” She couldn’t stop the sarcasm, the destructive words, they overflowed as from a cup full to brimming.
He straightened, his lips a thin line. “You’re in no condition to speak of such things now. You’re becoming overwrought. I don’t want you to make yourself more ill than you already are. When you have regained your health and are capable of speaking more calmly—”
“Damn you, I’m not overwrought or hysterical or anything except bloody furious. Even though you don’t want to face it, I just happen to be in full possession of my meager faculties. You’ve remained silent for so long now. Is it that you’ve forgotten the rational motives for your behavior? Must I give you more time to weave reason into your worthless arguments?” She fell back panting against the pillow, appalled at the rising note of hysteria in her voice. God, she was overwrought, damn him. “Oh, God, why didn’t you just let me die?” Unwanted, scalding tears streamed down her cheeks.
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