CHAPTER 21
Through the week-long trip on the Harper, Amanda sensed a strangeness in her husband, something odd, different, something she couldn’t put her finger on. He seemed—not distant, exactly—certainly not distant: Lars spent almost the entire journey in bed with her, making love with a fierce intensity she had never known before. And yet, even in the midst of their passion there was something withdrawn about him; something that he was hiding from her. She had always been able to read his thoughts before: one look at the set of his jaw and she knew. He had never held anything back from her. But now his face was impassive, his expression guarded. His deepset blue eyes showed her nothing.
It frightened Amanda to realize that Lars was keeping a secret from her. Perhaps more than one.
Once they arrived back at their quarters on Ceres and began unpacking their travel bags, Amanda decided to confront the issue directly.
“Lars, what’s the matter?”
He was stuffing a handful of socks and underwear into his bureau drawer. “The matter?” he asked, without looking up at her. “What do you mean?”
“Something’s on your mind and you’re not sharing it with me.” Straightening up, he came back toward her at the bed. “I’m thinking of everything that we have to do. The insurance, restocking the warehouse, getting Starpower back.”
Amanda sat on the bed, next to her opened bag. ‘Yes, of course. And what else?”
His eyes shifted away from her. “What else? Isn’t that enough?”
“There’s something more, Lars. Something that’s been bothering you since we left Selene.”
He looked down at her, then turned his attention to his travel bag again, started rummaging through it, muttering about his shaving kit.
Amanda put her hand atop his, stopping him. “Lars, please tell me.”
He straightened up. “There are some things you shouldn’t know, dear.”
“What?” She felt shocked. “What things?”
He almost smiled. “If I told you, then you would know.”
“It’s about Martin, isn’t it? You’ve been this way ever since your meeting with him.”
Fuchs took a deep breath. She could see his chest expand and then deflate again. He pushed his bag aside and sat next to her on the bed.
“All through our trip back here,” he said, his voice heavy, low, “I’ve been trying to think of a way that we can stop him from gaining complete control of the Belt.”
“So that’s it.”
He nodded, but she could see that there was still more. His eyes looked troubled, uncertain.
“He wants that. He wants complete control of everyone and everything out here. He wants absolute power.”
Amanda blurted, “What of it? Lars, we don’t have to fight against him. We can’t! You’re only one man. You can’t stop him.”
“Someone has to do it.”
“But not you! Not us! We can cash in the insurance money and go back to Earth and forget about all this.”
With a slow shake of his head, Fuchs said, “Perhaps you can forget about it. I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t.”
“I can’t.”
“Lars, you’re obsessed with a foolish macho delusion. This isn’t a battle between you and Martin. There’s nothing to fight about! I love you. After all these years, don’t you know that? Don’t you believe it?”
“It’s gone beyond that,” Fuchs said grimly.
“Beyond …?”
“He’s killed people. Friends of ours. Ripley. The men and women aboard the ships that have disappeared. He’s a murderer.”
“But what can you do about it?”
“I can fight.”
“Fight?” Amanda felt truly frightened now. “How? With what?”
He held up his thick-fingered hands and slowly clenched them into fists. “With my bare hands, if I have to.”
“Lars, that’s crazy! Insane!”
He snapped, “Don’t you think I know it? Don’t you think it horrifies me down to the bottom of my soul? I’m a civilized man. I’m not a Neanderthal.”
“Then why . . . ?”
“Because I must. Because there’s an anger in me, a fury that won’t let go of me. I hate him! I hate his smug certainty. I hate the idea that he can push a button and men are murdered millions of kilometers away while he sits in his elegant mansion and dines on pheasant. And fantasizes about you!”