Or: My father was a clever spy from another country…
The fantasies were endless.
There were thirty children in the orphanage, ranging from abandoned newborn infants to fourteen-year-olds. Most of them were Spanish, but there were children there from half a dozen countries, and Megan became fluent in several languages. She slept in a dormitory with a dozen other girls. There were late-night whispered conversations about dolls and clothes, and as the girls grew older, about sex. It soon became the primary topic of conversation.
“I hear it hurts a lot.”
“I don’t care. I can’t wait to do it.”
“I’m gonna get married, but I’m never going to let my husband do it to me. I think it’s dirty.”
One night, when everyone was asleep, Primo Condé, one of the young boys at the orphanage, crept into the girls’ dormitory. He moved to the side of Megan’s bed.
“Megan…” His voice was a whisper.
She was instantly awake. “Primo? What’s the matter?”
He was sobbing, frightened. “Can I get into bed with you?”
“Yes. Be quiet.”
Primo was thirteen, the same age as Megan, but he was small for his age, and he had been an abused child. He suffered from terrible nightmares and would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. The other children tormented him, but Megan always protected him.
Primo climbed into bed beside her, and Megan felt the tears running down his cheeks. She held him close in her arms.
“It’s all right,” she whispered. “It’s all right.”
She rocked him gently and his sobs subsided. His body was pressed against hers, and she could feel his growing excitement.
“Primo…”
“I’m sorry. I—I can’t help it.”
His erection was pressing into her.
“I love you, Megan. You’re the only one I care about in the whole world.”
“You haven’t been out in the world yet”
“Please don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m not.”
“I have no one but you.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Primo.”
“Megan—would you—let me make love to you? Please.”
“No.”
There was silence. “I’m sorry I bothered you. I’ll go back to my bed.” His voice was filled with pain. He started to move away.
“Wait.” Megan held him close to her, wanting to ease his suffering, feeling aroused herself. “Primo, I—I can’t let you make love to me, but I can do something to make you feel better. Will that be all right?”
“Yes.” His voice was a murmur.
He was wearing pajamas. Megan pulled the cord that held his pajama bottom up and reached inside. He’s a man, Megan thought. She held him gently in her hand and began to stroke him.
Primo groaned and said, “Oh, that feels wonderful,” and a moment later said, “God, I love you, Megan.”
Her body was on fire, and if at that moment he had said “I want to make love to you,” she would have said yes.
But he lay there, silent, and in a few minutes he returned to his own bed.
There was no sleep for Megan that night. And she never allowed him to come into her bed again.
The temptation was too great.
From time to time a child would be called into the supervisor’s office to meet a prospective foster parent. It was always a moment of great excitement for the children, for it would mean a chance to escape from the dreary routine of the orphanage, a chance to have a real home, to belong to someone.
Over the years Megan watched as other orphans were chosen. They went to the homes of merchants, farmers, bankers, shopkeepers. But it was always the other children, never her. Megan’s reputation preceeded her. She would hear the prospective parents talk among themselves.
“She’s a very pretty child, but I hear she’s difficult.”
“Isn’t she the one who smuggled twelve dogs into the orphanage last month?”
“They say she’s a ringleader. I’m afraid she wouldn’t get along with our children.”
They had no idea how much the other children adored Megan.
Father Berrendo came to the orphanage once a week to visit the wards, and Megan looked forward to his visits. She was an omnivorous reader, and the priest and Mercedes Angeles saw to it that she was well supplied with books. She could discuss things with the priest that she dared not talk about with anyone else. It was Father Berrendo to whom the farm couple had turned over the infant Megan.