Do you miss her? he asked.
Somehow he could sense a wry shrug, though he could not see it. It’s hard to explain, Adrian. My own existence has been in what you call the trance-haze for centuries now. I am no longer really human, even in mind much less in body. Not a computer, of course, like Center. Something . . . else. I don’t know what to call it. An angel, except that would be ludicrous. A spirit, let’s say. My only real emotion left is serenity. The thought hardened, as a general’s thoughts could do so easily. Not that I shall ever forget her.
Center interrupted. the two of you are prattling again.
Oh, be still, retorted Raj. There are things you do not understand well, if at all. This is one of them.
There was a momentary pause. Then, in a tone which almost had a tone—irritation, frustration—Center said: that business. love interferes greatly with stochastic analysis. nothing else produces such wide variables. not even religious fanaticism, of which I suspect love is a disguised variant.
The trance-haze was back, so Adrian only sensed himself grinning. It was too bad. He would have enjoyed feeling the strain on his cheek muscles directly. It was a very wide grin.
Sourpuss, what you are. Demansk will have moved already, because he KNOWS there is one envoy he can send whom I will trust.
He too deals with variables, Raj chimed in. And here is one he can ignore. Adrian’s right, Center. Demansk will have begun the thing.
Adrian knew that the silence which followed was Center, calculating the probabilities. At moments like this, the computer’s incredible speed of logical manipulation was both awe-inspiring and . . . sometimes a bit ridiculous. The computer would factor in everything, matching cause against cause, effect against effect, then rematching them again, over and over, until—within seconds!—it would arrive at a conclusion which, now and then at least, was blindingly obvious to flesh and blood.
you are correct, came the pronouncement. probability is now 94%, ± 2. which means we must move more quickly ourselves.
It was Adrian’s eyes which saw the milling, chaotic mass of Southron warriors teeming in the great encampment below; Raj Whitehall’s spirit which put words to the observation.
What a frigging, unholy mess. We’ve got our work cut out for us.
But Adrian was not really paying attention any longer. The trance-haze was breaking, now, shattering into little slivers. His own thoughts were plunging down through every vein and artery in his body, down into his groin. He felt so warm and wet himself that the surrounding air seemed almost frigid.
Another face was vivid in his mind. Also pressed into a pillow, but facing up not sideways. This face, though beautiful as well, was not patrician in the least. Certainly not at that moment of memory, when the auburn hair was tangled, sweaty at the roots; and the mouth was open, hissing wordless cries of ecstasy.
His breath was coming short. His own mouth was no longer closed.
Your brother’s coming, with some chieftains in tow. You’d better get that erection under control, lad, or things’ll get awkward. These Southrons, y’know, don’t share your decadent Emerald tastes. They’re likely to misinterpret your state of mind.
Laughter broke passion’s rush. So, when Esmond and the chieftains strode up to the tent, Adrian was able to greet them with nothing more than a hand outstretched. But still, during the time which followed, his mind only followed the conversation at its edges.
There was room, really, for just a single thought at the center of it. A different sort of trance-haze had seized him.
She’s coming back to me. I know she is.
For the first time, then, he was finally able to let go that rein of honor which had driven him to return her to her family, long months before. Almost a year, now. Let it go, cast it aside—and, with it, all restraint. He had never loved a woman before, and had never allowed himself—quite—to love this one.
Soon enough, he knew, Center and Raj would be back, pouring caution and cunning strategy into his mind. But on this subject, at least, he would listen no longer. He had satisfied honor once. Once was enough, for a lifetime.