Vorgens sat down and said nothing.
“Merdon told me that the plan was his,” she went on. “He takes full responsibility for it.”
The Watchman shook his head. “No. I’m in command. Whatever happens is my responsibility.”
“But you didn’t know.”
“I should have. I might have guessed at it. I know Merdon doesn’t give up an idea so easily. I gave Mclntyre the impression that only Okatar’s death could save us from continual fightingHe gave up his life at my suggestion, not Merdon’s.”
“But you can’t blame yourself for everything that happens on Shinar. That’s wrong!”
“1 blame myself for what happened last night, and for a lot more, besides. As I look back on it, I realize how foolish I’ve been. I was going to bring peace to Shinar— single-handedly, if necessary! What a joke. All I’ve brought is pain and death and unending fighting.” He ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. There were hollows under his eyes, and his voice sounded husky.
“But you—I .. .” Suddenly Altai was tongue-tied. “Do you have a first name?” she blurted. “I can’t call you Vorgens, or Watchman.”
In spite of himself, he smiled. “Ehml’n, in my native language. The Terrans find it easier to say Emil.”
“All right—Emil. Don’t you realize how much you’ve done for Shinar—for all of us?”
He shook his head.
“You’re blaming yourself for all the lolling that’s taken place here. That’s wrong! Thanks to you, the men who’ve died have put a meaning to the deaths. They’re accomplishing something that only you have allowed them to do.”
“Yes,” Vorgens replied. “Only me.”