“Damn you, Dick,” the British female captain said.
“Commander Bitter,” Canidy said, “may I present Her Gracefulness, the Duchess of Stanfield? And Sergeant Agnes Draper? I believe you know everyone else.”
“The commander seems a bit underwhelmed to see you, Dick,” the British captain said, as if this pleased her.
She’s a good-looking woman, Bitter thought. Somehow aristocratic. wonder–it wouldn’t surprise me–gshe might indeed be a duchess.
“That’s because he hasn’t been kissed, Your Gracefulness,” Canidy said.
“Will you stop calling me that?” She laughed.
Canidy moved quickly to Bitter, grabbed his arms at the moment Bitter grasped what he was up to, and kissed him wetly on the forehead.
“Welcome to England, Edwin,” Canidy said loudly. “We who have preceded you, plus, of course, those who have been here all along, will be able to sleep soundly now that the Pride of the U. S. Navy has arrived.”
“What are you doing here?” Bitter asked.
“We came to fetch you, obviously, “Jimmy Whittaker said. “To spare you the two hours of How to Behave Now That You’re in England’ lectures you’ll be given if you get on one of those buses.”
“How’sjoe, Eddie?
“Ann Chambers asked.
“They’re going to Palm Beach,” Ed Bitter said.
“War is hell, isn’t it?” Canidy said dryly.
“You seem to be having a good time,” Bitter said. “How did you know when I was coming?” “I’m omniscient,” Canidy said.
“You’re what?”
“I’m omniscient,” Canidy repeated. “Tell him, Your Gracefulness, that I’m omniscient.” The captain put out her hand to Bitter.
“How do you do, Commander?” she said. “My name is Stanfield.”
“How do you do?” Bitter said.
“On your knees, you uncouth swabbie,” Canidy said. “That’s a duchess you’re talking to.” Bitter looked in confusion at the captain and saw in her face, and then in a nod of her head, that she was indeed a duchess. He looked at the sergeant and was convinced he saw in her eyes sympathy for his discomfort.
It was just like Canidy to embarrass him in front of an enlisted man.
Woman.
He looked away from the sergeant, but not before he had noticed that despite the ill-fitting uniform, she was as good-looking as the captain, toward the buses. An Army officer with a clipboard was looking at him impatiently.
“I’d better get on my bus,” Bitter said.
“You weren’t listening to Captain Whittaker, Commander,” Canidy said.
“If you do that, they will carry you into hours of durance vile, or some damned thing like that, Following the short-arm inspection, there will be bullshit lectures on how you’re supposed to treat the natives.
Tell him you’re going with us.”
“Natives, indeed!” Captain the Duchess Stanfield said.
“What’s a short-arm inspection?” Ann Chambers asked.
“I’ll show you later,” Canidy said, grinning at Whittaker.
“I’d better follow the SOP,” Bitter said. “Where are you going to be later?”
“You don’t have to go, Eddie,” Canidy said.
I can’t just go AWOL,” Bitter protested.
“What are they going to do, send you overseas?” Canidy replied.
“Where are you going to be later?”
“God, you are a stuffed shirt,” Ann Chambers said.
“We’re going to drink our lunch at the Savoy Grill,” Jimmy Whittaker said. “Then we’ll be in the bar at the Dorchester from about five.
Can you remember that, or should I write it down for you?”
“III do what I can to be there,” Bitter said. He turned to Captain Stanfield, “I’m happy to have met you, Your Grace.” “Thank you,” she said.
“Dick!
“Ann Chambers protested as Bitter picked up his bags and started to walk to the buses. “Don’t let him go!”
“I told him he didn’t have to go,” Canidy said. “But he’s in one of his Commander Don Winslow of the Navy moods. You can’t argue with him when he gets that way.” As he hurried toward the buses, Ed heard Whittaker laugh. Then the duchess asked, “Commander Winslow?” Canidy told her of Commander Don Winslow, the dauntless, perfect, true-blue hero of a daily radio program for children. Just before he boarded the bus, Ed heard the duchess laugh.
The bus carried the C-54 passengers to a hotel requisitioned as a billet for newly arrived officers. He was given a small room that was furnished with a cot and a chair. Before long a bored major delivered an hour long lecture extolling the ancient virtues of the British people and their culture. He made it quite clear that being assigned to England, where one would have the opportunity to actually mingle with these people, was a great privilege.