without delay. But that is unlikely to happen because my subordinates try very
hard to make me feel redundant.
“You should find the next section particularly interesting,” it went on. “It is
the VTXM ward, which, strange as it may seem, forms part of the main reactor.
You know from your medical lectures that the Telfi are a gestalt life-form who
live by the direct absorption of hard radiation, so that all patient examination
and treatment is by remote-controlled sensors and manipulators. To be assigned
to maintenance in this area you would need special training in—”
“Special training,” Cha Thrat broke in, beginning to lose her patience, “means
special treatment. I have already asked this question. Am I being given special
treatment?”
“Yes,” the Earth-human said sharply. It waited while a refrigerated vehicle
containing one of the frigid-blooded SNLU methane-breathers rolled past, then
went on. “Of course you are being given special treatment.”
“Why?”
Timmins did not reply.
“Why do you not answer this simple question?” she persisted.
“Because,” the Earth-human said, its face deepening in color, “your question
does not have a simple answer, and I’m not sure if I am the right person to give
it to you, since I might also give offense, cause you mental pain, insult you,
or make you angry.”
Cha Thrat walked in silence for a moment, then said, “I think that your
consideration for my feelings makes you the right person. And a subordinate who
has acted wrongly may indeed feel mental pain or anger or intense” self-dislike
but surely, if the superior speaks justly, no offense can be taken nor insult
given.”
The Earth-human shook its head in a gesture, she had learned, that could mean
either negation or puzzlement. It said, “There are times, Cha Thrat, when you
make me feel like the subordinate. But what the hell, I’ll try to answer. You
are being accorded special treatment because of the wrong we did to you and the
mental discomfort we have caused, and there are several important people who
feel obligated to do something about it.”
“But surely,” she said incredulously, “I am the one who has behaved wrongly.”
“That you have,” Timmins said, “but as a direct result of us wronging you first.
The Monitor Corps are responsible for allowing, no, encouraging you to come here
in the first place, and waiving the entry requirements. The wrongdoing that
followed this combination of misguided gratitude for saving Chiang’s life and
sheer political opportunism was the inevitable result.”
“But I wanted to come,” Cha Thrat protested, “and I still want to stay.”
“To punish yourself for recent misdeeds?” Timmins asked quietly. “I’ve been
trying to convince you that we are originally to blame for those.”
“I am not mentally or morally warped,” she replied, trying to control her anger
at what, on her home world, would have been a grave insult. “I accept just
punishment, but I would not seek to inflict it on myself. There are some very
disquieting and unpleasant aspects to life here, but in no level of Sommaradvan
society could I be subject to such a variety and intensity of experience. That
is why I would like to stay.”
The Earth-human was silent for a moment, then it said, “Conway, O’Mara, and
Cresk-Sar among others, even Hredlichli, were sure that your reasons for wanting
to stay here were positive rather than negative and thatthere was little chance
of my getting you to agree to a return home…”
It broke off as Cha Thrat stopped dead in the corridor. Angrily she said, “Have
you been discussing with all these people my deeds and misdeeds, my competence
or incompetence, perhaps my future prospects, without inviting me to be
present?”
“Move, you’re causing a traffic problem,” Timmins said. “And there is no reason
for anger. Since that business during the Hudlar demo there isn’t a single being
in the hospital who has not talked about your deeds, misdeeds, competence, or
lack thereof, and your highly questionable future prospects in the hospital.
Having you present at ail those discussions was not possible. But if you want to
know what was said about you in great and interminable detail—the serious
discussions, that is, as opposed to mere hospital gossip—I believe O’Mara has