His first impulse was to deny everything, but that would have been unfair because Kelgians did not know how to tell, nor would they expect to be told, a lie. Either he should say nothing or tell the truth.
“It was the Hudlar nurse,” he said, “who asked me to talk to you.
“But the Hudlar isn’t a psychologist,” Morredeth broke in. “Why did it do such a cruel thing? It is unqualified and it was tinkering with my feelings. I shall report its behavior to the senior physician.”
Hewlitt tried to reduce the other’s growing anger by saying, “Every person I ever met thought they were good, if untrained, psychologists … ” Including me, he added silently. “ … just as they believed themselves to be expert ground-car drivers and in possession of a brilliant sense of humor. The trouble is, psychologists rarely agree on their methods of treatment. Are you feeling pain?”
“No,” said Morredeth, “anger.”
Considering the species of the patient, he thought, the words had to be accepted as the literal truth. As he watched the increasing agitation and violence of the fur and body movements, he wondered if he was seeing the Kelgian equivalent of bad language that the other had no need to vocalize.
“Don’t be angry with the Hudlar nurse,” he said. “It told me that Lioren had asked and received permission from Senior Physician Medalont to reduce your night sedation so that you would have more time alone to consider your position and, they hoped, come to terms with it. To assist the process, the medical staff on night duty was forbidden to speak to you apart from the few words required while checking your life signs. The Hudlar did not agree with this form of treatment but was unable to disobey its medical superiors. Out of concern for your expected mental distress, and learning that I wanted to apologize for the furry-pet business, it asked me to talk to you.
“It did not tell me what to say,” Hewlitt went on, “only that I should try to take your mind off your troubles. Unfortunately I was not able to do that, but the fault is mine and the Hudlar is not responsible for my insensitivity and your anger.”
“Then I shall not report its misconduct,” said Morredeth. “But I am still angry.”
“I understand,” said Hewlitt, “because in the beginning I felt the same anger, frustration, and bitter disappointment. The embarrassment of knowing that my friends were laughing and whispering behind my back and thinking of me as some kind of sexual cripple was…”
“Your crippling was not plain for all to see,” Morredeth broke in, a sudden, muscular spasm bringing its body close to the edge of the bed. “My friends will not whisper or laugh, they will be kind and avoid me so that I will not be able to see their feelings of revulsion. You do not understand.”
“Try to lie still, dammit!” said Hewlitt. “You could fall out of bed and hurt yourself. Stop rolling about like that.”
“If the sight displeases you, leave me,” said Morredeth. “A Kelgian can sometimes control but never conceal feelings. Strong emotion is associated with involuntary fur and body movement. Didn’t you know that?”
No, but I know now, said Hewlitt under his breath. Aloud, he went on, “Even the Earth psychologists say that relieving one’s feelings is often better than keeping them bottled up. But I don’t want to leave, I’m supposed to be talking and helping to take your mind off your troubles. I’m not doing a very good job so far, am I?”
“You are doing a terrible job,” said Morredeth, “but stay if you want to.”
The violence of its body movements seemed to be diminishing, and Hewlitt decided to take a risk by not changing the subject.
“Thank you,” he said. “And of course you are right. Your situation is much worse than mine because it is permanent and visible to everyone. But that doesn’t mean that I cannot understand your feelings, because for many years I have shared the same kind of problem in reduced intensity. I don’t think that the emotional scars, and my need to live and work alone and avoid personal social contact with females, will ever heal completely. I do know how you must feel, but I also know that you will not always feel so badly.