We walked on before I added, ‘Or, of course, whether both parties give their consent to the merging of their bodies.’
I thought of how I was always reluctant to give that consent. Had I, by becoming Tom’s adopted daughter, somehow managed to avoid giving that consent yet again? I did not know myself. Though I lived in an info-rich environment, my inner motivations remained unknown to me.
‘You are justifying sex simply because it’s enjoyable?’ I asked.
‘No, no. Sex justifies itself simply because it’s enjoyable. Sometimes it can even seem like an end in itself.’
Silence fell between us, until Tom said – I thought with some reluctance – ‘My father spent all his inherited wealth on a medical clinic in a foreign land. I was brought up there. When I was repatriated at the age of fifteen, both my parents were dead. I was utterly estranged, and put under the nominal care of my Aunt Letitia.’ He stopped, so that we stood there in the semi-dark. I held his hand.
‘I fell in love with my cousin, Diana – “Diana, huntress chaste and fair”, the poet says. Luckily, this Diana was fair and unchaste. I was cold, withdrawn – traumatised, I suppose. Diana was a little older than I, eager to experience the joys of sexual union. I cannot express the rapture of that first kiss, when our lips met. That kiss was my courageous act, my reaching out to another person.’
‘Is that what it needs? Courage?’
He ignored me. ‘Within hours we were naked together, exploring each others’ bodies, and then making love – under the sun, under the moon, even, once, in the rain. The delirium of innocent joy I felt … Ah, her eyes, her hair, her thighs, her perfume – how they possessed me! … I’m sorry, Cang, this must be distasteful to you. I’ll just say that beyond all sensual pleasure lies a sense of a new and undiscovered life.
‘No, I’m a dry old stick now, but I’d be a monster if I tried to deny such pleasures to our fellow denizens…’
I was feeling cold and suggested we went inside.
‘People still think you’re some kind of a dictator,’ I said, with more spite in my tone than I had intended.
Tom replied that he imagined he was rather a laughing stock. Idealists were always a butt for humour. Fortunately, he had no ambition, only hope. Enough hope, he said, lightly, to fill a zeppelin. He repeated, enough hope…
Yet in his mouth that last word held a dying fall.
That night, when alone, I wept. I could not stop.
I wept mostly for myself, but also for humanity, so possessed by their reproductive organs. Our Martian population was slave to unwritten ancient law, multiplying as it saw fit. That pleasure of which my Tom spoke always came with responsibilities.
At least the R&A hospital could prepare for an outburst of maternity, its original duties being in abeyance. There were no new intakes of visitors to be acclimatised. One ward was converted into a new maternity unit, all brightly lit and antiseptic, in which births could be conducted with conveyor-belt efficiency.
Everywhere, there was industry. Existing buildings were converted to new uses. The synthesising kitchens were extended. Factories were established for the synthesis of cloth for clothing. All talents were seized upon for diverse works. During the day the noise of hammering and drilling was to be heard. We would endeavour to be comfortable, however temporary our stay.
There was music in the domes. Not all terrestrial music was to our taste, and composers like Beza were sought to compose Martian music – whatever that might be!
The more far-sighted of us looked ahead to a more distant future. Among these was Tom. Whether or not he really had hope, he and his committee pressed ahead with his plans to involve everyone in everyone else’s welfare. They engrossed him; sometimes I felt he had no personal life.
He declared that it was a matter of expedience that the education of young children should be given priority. There I was able to assist him to some extent.
Several committees were elected to formulate with others their hopes and endeavours for a better society. They held colloquia, which began in itinerant fashion, the more appealing ones becoming permanent features of our life. Sometimes they were met with impatience or hostility, although it was generally conceded that conditions in the domes might get rapidly worse unless they were rapidly improved. Improvement was something we strove for.