“How can I tell you? It is far beyond the words we share. Truly life there is different; it is another world!”
“And you came from there-how long ago?”
Once more his eyes were weary with years of looking at what he must see. “I came from there-how long? I-we-do not reckon times save when we must deal with those of this world. I do not know. We were granted one favour when we came forth, that our memories would be dimmed and dulled, that we would only dream, and that infrequently-“
Dreams! I shivered. The table before me, the feast, the lights, shimmered, lost substance. I wanted no dream memories. I reached forward, lifted the goblet to my lips. I was cold-cold-Perhaps the wine would warm me. Yet when it was on my tongue I paused, again within me that warning.
About us one by one the couples arose, arms entwined, going to the tents. What I had unconsciously feared was now before me.
“Dear heart, shall we go?” His voice had changed, he was soft-spoken, not as he had been when telling of the gate.
NO! shrilled my mind. But my body did not elude the pressure of his arm about my waist. To any onlooker we would have been another langorously amorous couple.
“A toast,” he glanced at the cup I still held, “to our happiness, Gillan-drink to our happiness!”
No lover’s request-an order. And his eyes compelled me to it. I drank. My vision wavered, the illusion mended-could it indeed be illusion? I went with him, for a moment unheeding save that this was ordained.
Lips-gentle, seeking, then demanding, to which demand I responded. And then hands-
Sharp as a sword thrust the awakening in me of denial. No-no-this was not for me! This was an end to the Gillan that was, a small death. And against that death all the will and what I termed “power” arose in savage defence. I crouched on the far side of the pallet, my hands crooked to claw. Herrel’s white face I saw and across it a band of bleeding scratches.
Herrel’s smooth skin-or was it furred, blurred with fur-and his mouth fanged? Man or beast? I think I cried out and flung up my hand before my eyes.
“Witch-“
I heard him move away. That word he had flung at me-
“So-that is it-witch.” he added. “Gillan!”
I dropped my hand shield to look at him. He made no move. Only his face, truly a man’s face, was set as it had been when he had fronted his pack brothers after the battle.
“I did not know-“ he spoke, not to me, but as one seeking support or assurance from a source greater than he, “I did not know.”
He moved and I shrank instinctively.
“Be not afraid. I lay no hand on you this night, nor like to any other night either!” There was bitterness in that. “Indeed Fortune is crossgrained to me. Another-Halse-would force you-to your good and the company’s. But that is not in my birthright. Very well, Gillan, you have chosen-upon you be the consequences-“
He seemed to think I understood, yet his words were riddles past my reading. Now he drew the sword from the sheath he had thrown aside, laying the naked blade in the centre of the pallet. So doing he laughed without mirth.
“A convention of the Dales, my lady. I shall honour it this night, you may rest without fear-that fear. But perhaps later you will discover that your choice was not altogether a wise one.”
He stretched himself beside the sword and closed his eyes. Why? Why? I had so many whys swelling in my mind, but his face was closed. It was as if, though he lay only a hand’s distance from me, we were separated by miles of a haunted waste. And I dared not break the silence.
I thought to lie sleepless. But when I came to the other side of that sword barrier I was straightway plunged into dark where there was not thought nor feeling. Nor did I dream.
From sleep to wakefulness I passed in an instant. I have heard that soldiers in the field sleep so, with an inner alert which walks sentry go for their protection. Around me-what could I name it-a quickening?
Though I listened there was naught but silence. Yet it was a silence which was alive. Herrel? My hand went out-there was no cold steel-
“Herrel?” Did I whisper that or only think it?
I opened my eyes. There was a faint grey light-perhaps that of very early morning. And I was alone in the tent. But in me that surging need to be out-about-I had known it back in the hillkeep when it had brought me to the discovery of Lord Imgry, but not as greatly as I did now. I was summoned-summoned! By whom and to what?
Swiftly I ordered my clothes and then pushed out into the morning. The enchantment was gone-cold stone cliffs, a dying fire-No movement, save now and then at the picket line a mount pawed the ground. I felt as if I alone were awake when all else slept. And the need for knowing I was not alone swept me.
I came to the next tent, moved by that need. Kildas lay there, covered by a cloak, sleeping. I looked farther, the Riders were gone! Returning to Kildas I strove to rouse her, but I could not. Perhaps she dreamed happily for there was a smile on her lips. Nor were my efforts more fruitful with the rest.
The restlessness possessing me until to sit still was beyond my power, I fed the dying fire. My flesh tingled; I was eaten by a rising excitement I did not, could not understand. Somewhere action was in progress, and it drew me-
Drew me! That was the answer. Not my mind-I must blank out my mind and the here and now as I had sought to do to preserve the illusion-the other sight. Let that drawing force take over, it must if I would ease this torment within.
Clumsily I strove to do that. Closing my eyes against the reality of the camp, trying to shut out what I knew and yield to that tugging I felt. I swayed, as one in a wind too great to breast, and then turned to the rubble filled end of the valley. There-somewhere there-!
Danger-I forgot danger-I was aware of nothing save the drawing. I scrambled through the rubble of the fallen rocks, impatient at the hindrance of my skirts. On and up-on and up!
It was like blood beating in the regular pound of my heart, yet also was it a throb in the air which was not as loud as the pound of a drum-waves beating, becoming a part of my body as I laboured up the path to the Safe-keep gate.
Sound now, and the tingling in me responded to that sound. But within a growing frustration. I should know-I should! And yet I did not. I was shut outside some door on which I could beat with my fists until they ran blood, yet I could not enter for the knowledge which controlled the door was not mine.
I reached the top of one of the mounds and looked down. I had found the Riders.
They stood in a triple line, facing the end of the valley, and it was indeed an end-a wall of solid rock without break, smooth past any climbing. They were bare of head, their helms and their arms, all laid behind, immediately below my perch. They faced that wall with empty hands.
And they were calling, not with voices, but from their hearts. It tore at me, that calling. I put my hands to my ears to shut it out. But that gesture was nothing against the evocation rising from below. Hunger, sorrow, loneliness-and a small spark of hope. They hurled emotions against the stones as besiegers would swing rams to batter down a keep gate.
One of them came forth from the line-Hyron, I believed, though I could not see his face. He went forward to the wall, laid the palms of his hands against its surface and stood so, while still they cried silently their desire for admittance. He stepped aside and another took his place, and another, each in turn. Time passed and I was no more aware of that than the Riders. The first line were done with that touching, the second, one by one, and now the third and last. Halse led them. He came to the barrier with an air of confidence, as if it must open for him.
On and on-and now the last-Herrel-wall. I remembered his face as I had seen it the night before, naked, scored by loss and longing. They were not willing down there, they were pleading, humbling themselves, against the nature of their kind.
Answer-Did they expect an answer now? Herrel came away from the wall to his place in the last line. And the beat, beat of their plea was unchecked. Almost I could believe that they had mistaken their gate. That stone must have stood unriven from the beginnings of time. Or had madness, born out of their wanderings in the waste, tainted their minds so they expected the very mountains to break-Was there any lost land?