He shook his head in amazement. “You killed that demon in Lincoln Park to protect your investment. Because it wanted me dead, so it could claim victory over a Knight of the Word. But you wanted me alive for something much grander. You wanted me for the magic I might place at your command.”
She stared at him, her perfect features composed, still not moving. “I love you, John. Nothing you’ve said changes that.”
“You love me, Stef? Enough that you might teach me to feed on homeless children, like you’ve been feeding on them?” He spit out the words as if they were tinged with poison. “Enough that you might let me help you hunt them down in the tunnels beneath the city and kill them?”
Her temper flared. “The homeless are of no use. No one cares what happens to them. They serve no real purpose. You know that.”
“Do I?” He fought down his disgust. “Is that why you killed Ariel and Boot and Audrey? Because they didn’t serve any real purpose either? Is that why you tried to kill Nest? That didn’t work out so well, did it? But you were quick to cover up, I’ll give you that. Burning down Fresh Start, that was a nice touch. I assumed at first that you burned it down just to undermine its programs. But you did it to hide the truth about what happened in Lincoln Park. You marked yourself up pretty good going after Nest, smashing down doors and hurtling through windows. You couldn’t hide that kind of damage. So you killed two birds with one stone. You’d drugged me earlier so I wouldn’t be able to meet Nest. When you woke me, after you’d set fire to Fresh Start, you did so in the dark so I couldn’t see your face, and while I was still barely coherent, you ran on ahead on the pretext of waking the women and children sleeping on the upper floors on the building, thereby providing yourself with a perfect excuse for the cuts and bruises on your face and hands.”
His laugh was brittle. “It’s funny, but Nest figured that out, too. When she came looking for me, she stopped by Pass/Go, and Delta told her she looked -just like you. Nest got the connection immediately. She knew what it meant.”
She leaned forward. “John, will you listen , . . ?”
But he was all done listening, and he pushed relentlessly on. “So you set me up with this story about Simon firing me, and you quitting, and how strangely he’s been acting, and how every time something bad happens, he’s among the missing, and I’m just like a loaded gun ready to go off I take the bus down to the museum, which you know I’ll do, and it takes me a while because I don’t walk very well with my bad leg, and you catch a cab, and there you are, waiting, disguised as Simon, ready to point me in the right direction.”
He was so angry now he could barely contain himself, but his voice stayed cool and detached. “I really hate you, SteF I hate you so much I can’t find the wards to express it!”
She studied him a moment, her perfect features composed in thoughtful consideration, and then she shook her head at him. “You don’t hate me, John. You love me. You always will.”
His shock at hearing her say it left him momentarily speechless. He had not expected her to be so perceptive. She was right of course. He loved her desperately, even now, even knowing what she was.
“You aren’t as honest with yourself as you think,” she continued calmly, her dark eyes locking on his own. “You don’t want any of this to be so, but even knowing it is, you can’t get around how you feel. Is that so bad? If you want me, I’m still yours. I still want you, John. I still love you. Think about what you’re doing. If you give me up, you become the thing you fought so hard to escape being. You become a Knight of the Word again. You give up everything you’ve found this past year with me. You go back to being solitary and lonely and rootless. You become like the homeless you’ve spent so much time trying to help.”