PITSLIGO (n.)
Part of traditional mating rite. During the first hot day of spring, all the men in the tube start giving up their seats to ladies and staphanging. The purpose of pitsligo is for them to demonstrate their manhood by displaying the wet patches under their arms.
PLEELEY (adj.)
Descriptive of a drunk person’s attempt to be endearing.
PLYMOUTH (vb.)
To relate an amusing story to someone without remembering that it was they who told it to you in the first place.
PLYMPTON (n.)
The (pointless) knob on top of a war memorial.
PODE HOLE (n.)
A hole drilled in chipboard lavatory walls by homosexuals for any one of a number of purposes.
POGES (pl.n.)
The lumps of dry powder that remain after cooking a packet soup.
POLBATHIC (adj.)
Gifted with ability to manipulate taps using only the feet.
POLLOCH (n.)
One of those tiny ribbed-plastic and aluminium foil tubs of milk served on trains enabling you to carry one safely back to you compartment where your legs in comfort trying to get the bloody things open.
POLPERRO (n.)
A polperro is the ball, or muff, of soggy hair found clinging to bath overflow-holes.
POONA (n.)
Satisfied grunting noise made when sitting back after a good meal.
POTT SHRIGLEY (n.)
Dried remains of a week-old casserole, eaten when extremely drunk at two a.m.
PUDSEY (n.)
The curious-shaped flat wads of dough left on a kitchen table after someone has been cutting scones out of it.
QUABBS (pl.n.)
The substances which emerge when you squeeze a blackhead.
QUALL (vb.)
To speak with the voice of one who requires another to do something for them.
QUEDGELEY (n.)
A rabidly left-wing politician who can afford to be that way because he married a millionairess.
QUEENZIEBURN (n.)
Something that happens when people make it up after an agglethorpe (q.v.)
QUENBY (n.)
A stubborn spot on a window which you spend twenty minutes trying to clean off before discovering it’s on the other side of the glass.
QUERRIN (n.)
A person that no one has ever heard of who unaccountably manages to make a living writing prefaces.
QUOYNESS (n.)
The hatefulness of words like ‘relionus’ and ‘easiephit’.
RAMSGATE (n.)
All institutional buildings must, by law, contain at least twenty ramsgates. These are doors which open the opposite way to the one you expect.
RANFURLY (adj.)
Fashion of trying ties so that the long thin end underneath dangles below the short fat upper end.
RECULVER (n.)
The sort of remark only ever made during Any Questions.
RIPON (vb.)
(Of literary critics.) To include all the best jokes from the book in the review to make it look as if the critic thought of them.
ROCHESTER (n.)
One who is able to gain occupation of the armrest on both sides of their cinema or aircraft seat.
ROYSTON (n.)
The man behind you in church who sings with terrific gusto almost tree quarters of a tone off the note.
RUNCORN (n.)
A peeble (q.v.) which is larger that a belper (q.v.)
SADBERGE (n.)
A violent green shrub which is ground up, mixed with twigs and gelatine and served with clonmult (q.v.) and buldoo (q.v.) in a container referred to for no known reason as a ‘relish tray’.
SAFFRON WALDEN (n.)
To spray the person you are talking to with half-chewed breadcrumbs or small pieces of whitebait.
SAVERNAKE (vb.)
To sew municipal crests on to a windcheater in the belief that this will make the wearer appear cosmopolitan.
SCAMBLEBY (n.)
A small dog which resembles a throw-rug and appears to be dead.
SCETHROG (n.)
One of those peculiar beards-without-moustaches worn by religious Belgians and American scientists which help them look like trolls.
SCONSER (n.)
A person who looks around then when talking to you, to see if there’s anyone more interesting about.
SCOPWICK (n.)
The flap of skin which is torn off you lip when trying to smoke an untipped cigarette.
SCORRIER (n.)
A small hunting dog trained to snuffle amongst your private parts.
SCOSTHROP (vb.)
To make vague opening or cutting movements with the hands when wandering about looking for a tin opener, scissors, etc. in the hope that this will help in some way.
SCRABBY (n.) A curious-shaped duster given to you by your mother which on closer inspection turns out to be half an underpant.