He didn’t wait to see whether it survived. There was another danger now. More fists at the door, more shouts, more apologies. They wanted in, and very soon they were going to get their way. He stepped over Macnamara and crossed to the window It wasn’t that big, but then neither was he. He flipped up the latch, pushed the window open on overprinted hinges, and hoisted himself through. Halfway in and halfway out he remembered he was one story up. But a fall, even a bad fall, was better than staying for the party inside. They were pushing at the door now, the partygoers. It was giving under the pressure of their enthusiasm. Boswell squirmed through the window; the pavement reeled below. As the door broke, he jumped, hitting the concrete hard. He almost bounced to his feet, checking his limbs, and Hallelujah! nothing was broken. Jah loves a coward, he thought. Above him the punk was at the window, looking down longingly.
“Help me,” he said. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” But then a pair of hands found his throat, and the apologies stopped short.
Wondering who he should tell, and indeed what, Boswell started to walk away from the YMCA dressed in just a pair of gym shorts and odd socks, never feeling so thankful to be cold in his life. His legs felt weak, but surely that was to be expected.
CHARLIE woke with the most ridiculous idea. He thought he’d murdered Ellen, then cut off his own hand. What a hotbed of nonsense his subconscious was to invent such fictions! He tried to rub the sleep’ from his eyes but there was no hand there to rub with. He sat bolt upright in bed and began to yell the room down.
Yapper had left young Rafferty to watch over the victim of this brutal mutilation with strict instructions to alert him as soon as Charlie came around. Rafferty had been asleep. The yelling woke him. Charlie looked at the boy’s face; so awestruck, so shocked. He stopped screaming at the sight of it. He was scaring the poor fellow.
“You’re awake,” said Rafferty, “I’ll fetch someone, shall I?”
Charlie looked at him blankly.
“Stay where you are,” said Rafferty. “I’ll get the nurse.”
Charlie put his bandaged head back on the crisp pillow and looked at his right hand, flexing it, working the muscles this way and that. Whatever delusion had overtaken him back at the house it was well over now. The hand at the end of the arm was his; probably always had been his. Jeudwine had told him about the body-in-rebellion syndrome: the murderer who claims his limbs have a life of their own rather than accepting responsibility for his deeds; the rapist who mutilates himself, believing the cause is the errant member, not the mind behind the member.
Well, he wasn’t going to pretend. He was insane, and that was the simple truth of it. Let them do whatever they had to do to him with their drugs, blades, and electrodes. He’d acquiesce to it all rather than live through another night of horrors like the last.
There was a nurse in attendance. She was peering at him as though surprised he’d survived. A fetching face, he half thought; a lovely, cool hand on his brow.
“Is he fit to be interviewed?” Rafferty timidly asked.
“I have to consult with Dr. Manson and Dr. Jeudwine,” the fetching face replied, and tried to smile reassuringly at Charlie. It came out a bit cockeyed, that smile, a little forced. She obviously knew he was a lunatic, that was why. She was scared of him probably, and who could blame her? She left his side to find the consultant, leaving Charlie to the nervous stare of Rafferty.
Ellen?” he said in a while.
“Your wife?” the young man replied.
“Yes. I wondered… did she…?”
Rafferty fidgeted, his thumbs playing tag on his lap. “She’s dead,” he said.
Charlie nodded. He’d known of course, but he needed to be certain. “What happens to me now?” he asked.
“You’re under surveillance.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m watching you,” said Rafferty.
The boy was trying his best to be helpful, but all these questions were confounding him. Charlie tried again. “I mean