But it was no good sitting here, this close to chicken crates, because that was a good way to catch lice, and just the thought of it made her scalp itch. She stood up, stretched, smelling the faint ammonia tang of chicken shit, and set off through the upper level toward the city, keeping an eye out for Carson.
Not many people out now, and none of them tourists. The rain could do that, she remembered. Once again she got that feeling that she loved this place but wasn’t really a part of it anymore. Kind of twisted 180 in, like a hook, not a big feeling but sharp and deep. She sighed, remembering foggy mornings when she’d come down from the cable tower with her bike over her shoulder and pumped it over to Allied, wondering if Bunny’d have a scratch for her right off, a good ticket to pull, or if he’d give her a deadhead, what they called a pickup outside the city core. She’d liked a deadhead sometimes, because she got to see parts of town she might not have ridden before. And sometimes she’d wind up clean, what they called it when you didn’t have any deliveries, and that could be great too, just go over to the Alcoholocaust or one of the other messenger bars and drink espresso until Bunny paged her. It had been pretty good, riding for Allied. She’d never even eaten it, wiped out bad, and the cops weren’t as book-happy if you were a girl; you could get away with doing sidewalks and stuff. Not that she could imagine going back to it now, riding, and that brought her mood back, because she didn’t know what else she could do. Whatever, she wasn’t going to star in any new versions of Tessa’s docu.
She remembered this skinny tech named Tara-May, somebody Cops in Trouble had sent over to grab footage of poor Rydell, who’d only ever wanted to feature in a segment of that thing. No, she corrected herself, that wasn’t fair, because she knew that what Rydell had really wanted was to be a cop, which was what he’d started out to be in Tennessee. But it hadn’t worked out, and then his episode hadn’t worked out, let alone the mini-series they’d talked about spinning off. Mainly, she supposed, because what Tara-May had shot had convinced the Cops in Trouble people that Rydell looked a little on the heavy side on TV. Not that there was any fat on him, he was all muscle and long legs, but when they shot him he didn’t look like that. And that had driven him sort of crazy, that and Tara-May always going on about how Chevette should take speech and acting classes, learn all these martial arts, and give up drugs. When Chevette had made it clear she didn’t do drugs, Tara-May had said that that would make networking a little harder, not having anything to quit, but that there were groups for everything and that was probably the best way to meet people who could help you with your Career.
But Chevette hadn’t wanted a career, or not the way Tara-May
181 I meant it, and Tara-May just hadn’t been able to get that. Actually there were a lot of people like Tara-May in Hollywood, maybe even most people were; everybody had something they “really” did. Drivers wrote, bartenders acted; she’d had massages from a girl who was really a stunt double for some actress Chevette had never heard of yet, except she hadn’t really ever been called, but they had her number. Somebody had everybody’s number, but it looked to Chevette like the game had all their numbers, every one, and nobody really was winning, but nobody wanted to hear that, or talk to you much if you didn’t buy into what they “really” did.
Now she thought about it, that was part of what had gotten between her and Rydell, because he’d always buy into that, whatever anybody told him they really were. And then he’d tell them how he really wanted to do an episode of Cops in Trouble, and how it looked like he actually would, because Cops in Trouble was paying his rent now. Which nobody wanted to hear really, because it was a little too real, but Rydell never got that. And then they’d hit on him for phone numbers, names, intros, and start slipping him disks and lists of credits, hoping he was dumb enough to go back and try to show them to producers. Which he was, or anyway good-hearted enough, and that hadn’t helped him any with the people at Cops in Trouble either.