“It does seem unfair,” Hermes said. “But who ever said demons were otherwise?”
“Has he even the right by divine law to send his servant to take my head?”
“Let me see,” Hermes said. He removed from a fold of his cloak a thick scroll. He threw it into the air and it unwound, soaring upward with paper spilling down.
Hermes snapped his fingers and a small spotted owl appeared.
“Find me the relevant passage for laws regulating the actions of demons’ assistants,” Hermes said.
“You got it,” said the owl, and fluttered up into the air, darting close to the endlessly long page of the scroll. Finally it darted in on a section, pinched the parchment in its beak, and brought it back to Hermes.
Hermes read the entry and shook his head sorrowfully. “As I feared. He can do anything he wants with you via a servant, since he created you. Assembled, actually, but it comes to much the same thing.”
“But why should that give him power of life and death over me?”
“That’s how it goes in the creation game. But you are not without recourse.”
“What can I do?”
“Kill Frike.”
“You think I might be able to? He looks awfully strong to me.”
“Yes, but you’re a hero. Maybe if you had a good sword …”
“I had Excalibur but we parted ways. It was trying to kill me.”
“You must get it back. It will take a magic sword to kill a supernaturally augmented demon’s assistant.”
“I think I ought to mention, I’m very scared,” Charming said.
“That’s because you were given a coward’s heart. Don’t worry about it, though. Everyone’s scared.”
“Everyone?”
“Those who are too courageous perish too quickly to leave a record. Cowardice is nothing to be ashamed of, Prince Charming. It is like measles – most people get it at least once in their lives. Just ignore it and it’ll go away. Carry on without it. The metaphor is unclear, but your path of duty is not. Get out of here, Charming, and find the sword. Tell your coward’s heart to stop fluttering and get on with destroying this knave of a Frike and claiming your Princess for forever after. She’s very pretty, by the way.”
“Yes,” Charming said, “isn’t she? But I’m afraid she’s sulky.”
“The good ones always are,” Hermes said. “Come on, let’s go get that sword!”
Chapter 4
There wasn’t much time for Charming and Hermes to find Excalibur. Hermes took them first to the Bureau of Lost Swords. They had the sympathetic vibration print of every sword ever forged, all kept in a central registration point on the planet Oaqsis IV. Hermes found a trace of Excalibur and followed it back to Earth, carrying Prince Charming along with him.
On Earth again, Prince Charming soon found himself in a tavern. Guided by Hermes, he went to the kitchen. There he beheld a sword, all nicked and dented, but unmistakably of fine temper, being used by a scullion to decapitate radishes and turnips, eviscerate cabbages, decorify carrots, and all the rest of the homely life of domestic steel. Yet despite this, the sword recognized Charming as soon as he came in.
“Master, here I am!” it said in a breaking voice. “Your own forsaken sword!”
“What has happened to you?” Charming said. “Did you really have to cut vegetables?”
“It’s not my fault,” the sword said. “How can I help the base purposes men put me to? Take me back into your employ, master, and I’ll show thee good service.”
“Come on then,” Charming said.
The sword leaped to his hand. One of the tavern drudges looked ready to put up a quarrel, but a single glance, nay, a bare glancelet at the yard of steel gleaming in Prince Charming’s hands put a stop to that. And so it was that Charming turned, sword in hand, and through the magical attentions of Hermes was able to return to the Enchanted Castle with Excalibur.
Seeing him, Frike put down the cracker spread with chopped chicken liver at which he had been nibbling whilst awaiting Prince Charming’s return, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, and said, “Are you ready?”