‘If some day he accepts you, he will tell you his name. That name will be for you alone to use, either to call him loudly or to say quietly to yourself. Perhaps he will tell you his name is Jose. Who knows?’
‘Why is it wrong to use his name when talking about him?’
‘You have seen his eyes, haven’t you? You can’t fool around with the protector. That is why I can’t get over the fact that he chose to play with you!’
‘How can he be a protector when he hurts some people?’
‘The answer is very simple. Mescalito is a protector because he is available to anyone who seeks him.’
‘ But isn’t it true that everything in the world is available to anyone who seeks it ?’
‘No, that is not true. The ally powers are available only to the brujos, but anyone can partake of Mescalito.’
‘ But why then does he hurt some people?’
‘Not everybody likes Mescalito; yet they all seek him with the idea of profiting without doing any work. Naturally their encounter with him is always horrifying.’
‘What happens when he accepts a man completely?’
‘He appears to him as a man, or as a light. When a man has won this kind of acceptance, Mescalito is constant. He never changes after that. Perhaps when you meet him again he will be a light, and someday he may even take you flying and reveal all his secrets to you.’
‘ What do I have to do to arrive at that point, don Juan ?’
‘You have to be a strong man, and your life has to be truthful.’
‘What is a truthful life?’
‘A life lived with deliberateness, a good, strong life.’
5
Don Juan inquired periodically, in a casual way, about the state of my Datura plant. In the year that had elapsed from the time I replanted the root, the plant had grown into a large bush. It had seeded and the seedpods had dried. And don Juan judged it was time for me to learn more about the devil’s weed.
Sunday, 27 January 1963
Today don Juan gave me the preliminary information on the ‘second portion’ of the Datura root, the second step in learning the tradition. He said the second portion of the root was the real beginning of learning; in comparison with it, the first portion was like child’s play. The second portion had to be mastered; it had to be in taken at least twenty times, he said, before one could go on to the third step.
I asked,’ What does the second portion do?’
‘The second portion of the devil’s weed is used for seeing. With it, a man can soar through the air to see what is going on at any place he chooses.’
‘Can a man actually fly through the air, don Juan?’
‘Why not? As I have already told you, the devil’s weed is for those who seek power. The man who masters the second portion can use the devil’s weed to do unimaginable things to gain more power.’
‘What kind of things, don Juan?’
‘I can’t tell you that. Every man is different.’
Monday, 28 January 1963
Don Juan said: ‘If you complete the second step successfully, I can show you only one more step. In the course of learning about the devil’s weed, I realized she was not for me, and I did not pursue her path any further.’
‘ What made you decide against it, don Juan?’
‘The devil’s weed nearly killed me every time I tried to use her. Once it was so bad I thought I was finished. And yet, I could have avoided all that pain.’
‘How? Is there a special way to avoid pain?’
‘ Yes, there is a way.’
‘ Is it a formula, a procedure, or what?’
‘ It is a way of grabbing onto things. For instance, when I was learning about the devil’s weed I was too eager. I grabbed onto things the way kids grab onto candy. The devil’s weed is only one of a million paths. Anything is one of a million paths [un camino entre cantidades de caminos]. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. This question is one that only a very old man asks. My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it. Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere. My benefactor’s question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your Me. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.’
Sunday, 21 April 1963
On Tuesday afternoon, 16 April, don Juan and I went to the hills where his Datura plants are. He asked me to leave him alone there, and wait for him in the car. He returned nearly three hours later carrying a package wrapped in a red cloth. As we started to drive back to his house he pointed to the bundle and said it was his last gift for me.
I asked if he meant he was not going to teach me any more. He explained that he was referring to the fact that I had a plant fully mature and would no longer need his plants.
Late in the afternoon we sat in his room; he brought out a smoothly finished mortar and pestle. The bowl of the mortar was about six inches in diameter. He untied a large package full of small bundles, selected two of them, and placed them on a straw mat by my side; then he added four more bundles of the same size from the pack he had carried home. He said they were seeds, and I had to grind them into a fine powder. He opened the first bundle and poured some of its contents into the mortar. The seeds were dried, round and caramel yellow in colour.
I began working with the pestle; after a while he corrected me. He told me to push the pestle against one side of the mortar first, and then slide it across the bottom and up against the other side. I asked what he was going to do with the powder. He did not want to talk about it.
The first batch of seeds was extremely hard to grind. It took me four hours to finish the job. My back ached because of the position in which I had been sitting. I lay down and wanted to go to sleep right there, but don Juan opened the next bag and poured some of the contents into the mortar. The seeds this time were slightly darker than the first ones, and were lumped together. The rest of the bag’s contents was a sort of powder, made of very small, round, dark granules.
I wanted something to eat, but don Juan said that if I wished to learn I had to follow the rule, and the rule was that I could only drink a little water while learning the secrets of the second portion.
The third bag contained a handful of live, black, grain weevils. And in the last bag were some fresh white seeds, almost mushy soft, but fibrous and difficult to grind into a fine paste, as he expected me to do. After I had finished grinding the contents of the four bags, don Juan measured two cups of a greenish water, poured it into a clay pot, and put the pot on the fire. When the water was boiling he added the first batch of powdered seeds. He stirred it with a long, pointed piece of wood or bone which he carried in his leather pouch. As soon as the water boiled again he added the other substances one by one, following the same procedure. Then he added one more cup of the same water, and let the mixture simmer over a low fire.