I experienced a barrage of rational thoughts and arguments. I was, so far as I could judge, in an ordinary state of sober consciousness. Every element belonged in the realm of my normal processes. And yet I knew it was not an ordinary state.
The scene changed abruptly. It was night-time. I was in the hall of a building. The darkness inside the building made me aware that in the earlier scene the sunlight had been beautifully clear. Yet it had been so commonplace that I did not notice it at the time. As I looked further into the new vision I saw a young man coming out of a room carrying a large knapsack on his shoulders. I didn’t know who he was, although I had seen him once or twice. He walked by me and went down the stairs. By then I had forgotten my apprehension, my rational dilemmas. ‘ Who’s that guy ?’ I thought.’ Why did I see him ?’
The scene changed again and I was watching the young man deface books; he glued some of the pages together, erased markings, and so on. Then I saw him arranging the books neatly in a wooden crate. There was a pile of crates. They were riot in his room, but in a storage place. Other images came to my mind, but they were not clear. The scene became foggy. I had a sensation of spinning.
Don Juan shook me by the shoulders and I woke up. He helped me to stand and we walked back to his house. It had been three and a half hours from the moment I began rubbing the paste on my temples to the time I woke up, but the visionary state could not have lasted more than ten minutes. I had no ill effects whatsoever. I was just hungry and sleepy.
Thursday, 18 April 1963
Don Juan asked me last night to describe my recent experience, but I was too sleepy to talk about it. I could not concentrate. Today, as soon as I woke up, he asked me again.
‘Who told you this girl H— had been off her rocker?’ he asked when I finished my story.
‘Nobody. It was just one of the thoughts I had.’
‘ Do you think they were your thoughts?’
I told him they were my thoughts, although I had no reason to think that H— had been sick. They were strange thoughts. They seemed to pop up in my mind from nowhere. He looked at me inquisitively. I asked him if he did not believe me; he laughed and said that it was my routine to be careless with my acts.
‘ What did I do wrong, don Juan?’
‘You should have listened to the lizards.’
‘How should I have listened?’
‘The little lizard on your shoulder was describing to you everything her sister was seeing. She was talking to you. She was telling you everything, and you paid no attention. Instead, you believed the lizard’s words were your own thoughts.’
‘ But they were my own thoughts, don Juan.”
‘They were not. That is the nature of this sorcery. Actually, the vision is to be listened to, rather than looked at. The same thing happened to me. I was about to warn you when I remembered my benefactor had not warned me.’
‘Was your experience like mine, don Juan?’
‘No. Mine was a hellish journey. I nearly died.’
‘Why was it hellish?’
‘Maybe because the devil’s weed did not like me, or because I was not clear about what I wanted to ask. Like you yesterday.
You must have had that girl in mind when you asked the question about the books.’
‘ I can’t remember it.’
‘The lizards are never wrong; they take every thought as a question. The lizard came back and told you things about H— no one will ever be able to understand, because not even you know what your thoughts were.’
‘How about the other vision I had?’
‘Your thoughts must have been steady when you asked that question. And that is the way this sorcery should be conducted, with clarity.”
‘Do you mean the vision of the girl is not to be taken seriously?’
‘How can it be taken seriously if you don’t know what questions the little lizards were answering?’
‘Would it be more clear to the lizard if one asked only one question?’
‘Yes, that would be clearer. If you could hold one thought steadily.’
‘But what would happen, don Juan, if the one question was not a simple one?’
‘As long as your thought is steady, and does not go into other things, it is clear to the little lizards, and then their answer is clear to you.’
‘Can one ask more questions of the lizards as one goes along in the vision?’
‘No. The vision is to look at whatever the lizards are telling you. That is why I said it is a vision to hear more than a vision to see. That is why I asked you to deal with impersonal matters. Usually, when the question is about people, your longing to touch them or talk to them is too strong, and the lizard will stop talking and the sorcery will be dispelled. You should know much more than you do now before trying to see things that concern you personally. Next time you must listen carefully. I am sure the lizards told you many, many things, but you were not listening.’
Friday, 19 April 1963
‘What were all the things I ground for the paste, don Juan?’
‘ Seeds of devil’s weed and the weevils that live off the seeds. The measure is one handful of each.’ He cupped his right hand to show me how much.
I asked him what would happen if one element was used by , itself, without the others. He said that such a procedure would only antagonize the devil’s weed and the lizards. ‘You must not antagonize the lizards,’ he said, ‘for the next day, during the late afternoon, you must return to the site of your plant. Speak to all lizards and ask the two that helped you in the sorcery to come out again. Search all over until it is quite dark. If you can’t find them, you must try it once more the next day. If you are strong you will find both of them, and then you have to eat them, right there. And you will be endowed forever with the capacity to see the unknown. You will never need to catch lizards again to practise this sorcery. They will live inside you from then on.’ ‘
‘What do I do if I find only one of them?’
‘ If you find only one of them you must let her go at the end of your search. If you find her the first day, don’t keep her, hoping you will catch the other one the next day. That will only spoil your friendship with them.’
‘What happens if I can’t find them at all?”
‘I think that would be the best thing for you. It implies that you must catch two lizards every time you want their help, but it also implies that you are free.’
‘What do you mean, free?’
‘Free from being the slave of the devil’s weed. If the lizards are to live inside you, the devil’s weed will never let you go.’
‘Is that bad?’
‘Of course it is bad. She will cut you off from everything else. You will have to spend your life grooming her as an ally. She is possessive. Once she dominates you, there is only one way to go – her way.’
‘What if I find that the lizards are dead?’
‘If you find one or both of them dead, you must not attempt to do this sorcery for some time. Lay off for a while.
‘I think this is all I need to tell you; what I have told you is the rule. Whenever you practice this sorcery by yourself, you must follow all the steps I have described while you sit in front of your plant. One more thing. You must not eat or drink until the sorcery is finished.’
6
The next step in don Juan’s teachings was a new aspect of mastering the second portion of the Datura root. In the time that elapsed between the two stages of learning don Juan inquired only about the development of my plant.
Thursday, 27 June 1963
‘It is a good practice to test the devil’s weed before embarking
fully on her path,’ don Juan said.
‘ How do you test her, don Juan?’
‘You must try another sorcery with the lizards. You have all the elements that are needed to ask one more question of the lizards, this time without my help.’
‘Is it very necessary that I do this sorcery, don Juan?’
‘It is the best way to test the feelings of the devil’s weed towards you. She tests you all the time, so it is only fair that you test her too, and if you feel anywhere along her path that for some reason you should not go on, then you must simply stop.’