“Oh God, I hope I’m doing the right thing. I wish you could just tell me that this is what you want.” Todd kissed the dog, tears falling in Dempsey’s fur. “I know if I was you I wouldn’t want to be shitting everywhere and not able to stand up. That’s no life, huh?” He buried his face in the smell of the animal. For eleven years — whether Todd had had female company or not — Dempsey had slept on his bed; and more often than not been the one to wake him up, pressing his cold nose against Todd’s face, rubbing his neck on Todd’s chest.
“I love you, dog,” he said. “And I want you to be there when I get to heaven, okay? I want you to be keeping a place for me. Will you do that? Will you keep a place for me?”
There was a discreet knock on the door, and Todd’s stomach turned. “Time’s up, buddy,” he said, kissing Dempsey’s burning hot snout. Even now, he thought, I could say no, I don’t want you to do this. He could take Dempsey home for one more night in the big bed. But that was just selfishness. The dog had had enough, that was plain. He could barely raise his head. It was time to go. “Come in.” he said.
The doctor came in, meeting Todd’s gaze for the first time. “I know how hard this is,” she said. “I have dogs myself, all mutts like Dempsey.”
“Dempsey, did you hear that?” Todd said, the tears refusing to abate. “She called you a mutt.”
“They’re the best.”
“Yeah. They are.”
“Are you ready?”
Todd nodded, at which point she instantly transferred her loving attention to the dog. She lifted Dempsey out from Todd’s arms and put him on the steel table in the corner of the room, talking to him all the while, “Hey there, Dempsey. This isn’t going to hurt at all. Just a little prick — ”
She pulled a syringe out of her pocket, and exposed the needle. At the back of Todd’s head that same irrational voice was screaming: “Tell her no! Knock it out of her hand! Quickly! Quickly!” He pushed the thoughts away, wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, because he didn’t want to be blinded by them when this happened. He wanted to see it all, even if it hurt like a knife. He owed that to Dempsey. He put his hand on Dempsey’s neck and rubbed his favorite place. The syringe went into Dempsey’s leg. He made a tiny little grunt of complaint.
“Good boy,” Doctor Otis said. “There. That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”
Todd kept rubbing Dempsey’s neck.
The doctor put the top back on the syringe and pocketed it. “It’s all right,” she said. “You can stop rubbing. He’s gone.”
So quickly? Todd cleared away another wave of tears and looked down at the body on the table. Dempsey’s eye was still half-open, but it didn’t look back at him any longer. Where there’d been a sliver of bright life, where there’d been mischief and shared rituals — where, in short, there’d been Dempsey — there was nothing.
“I’m very sorry, Mr. Pickett,” the doctor said, “I’m sure you loved him very much and speaking as a doctor, I know you did the right thing for him.”
Todd sniffed hard, and reached over to pluck a clump of paper handkerchiefs from the box. “What does that say?” he said, pointing to the framed poster on the wall. His tears made it incomprehensible.
“It’s a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson,” Andrea said, “You know, who wrote Treasure Island?”
“Yeah, I know … ”
“It says: ‘Do you think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.'”
SIX
He waited until he got home, and he’d governed his tears, to make arrangements for Dempsey’s cremation. He left a message with a firm that was recommended by the Animal Hospital for their discreet handling of these matters. They would pick Dempsey’s body up from the Hospital Mortuary, cremate him and transfer his ashes, guaranteeing that there was no mingling of ‘cremains’ — as they described them — but that the ashes they delivered to the owner would be those of their pet. In other words they weren’t putting canaries, parrots, rats, dogs and guinea-pigs in the oven for one big bonfire and dividing up the ‘cremains’ (the word revolted Todd) in what looked to be the appropriate amounts. He also called his accountant at home and made arrangements for a ten thousand dollar donation to the Hospital, the only attendant request being that five hundred of that money be spent on putting in a more comfortable bench for people to sit on while they waited.