“Hey, wake up. Will you?” Again he rapped. At last Elsie sat up and became aware of him. He pointed to the glove compartment. “See if the key’s in there,” he yelled. “Pull up the button,” he yelled, pointing to the lock-button on the inside of the door. “Pull it up so I can get in.”
Finally she unlocked the door. “What did you get?” she asked, reaching for the paper bag. “Anything for me?”
There was a spare key under the floormat; he kept it there all the time. Using it, he started up the car. Never find out where it went, he decided. Have to get a duplicate made. Once more he searched his coat pockets… and there it was, in his pocket, where it was supposed to be. Where he had put it. Christ, he thought. I must really be stoned. Backing from the lot, he drove up highway One, in the direction that he had come.
When he reached the house, and had parked in the garage beside Fay’s Buick, he gathered together the two bags of groceries and started along the path to the front door. The door was open, and classical music could be heard. He could see Fay, through the glass side of the house; at the dish drier she scraped plates, her back to him. Their collie Bing got up from the mat in front of the door to greet him and Elsie. Its feathery tail brushed against him and it lunged with pleasure, nearly upsetting him and causing him to drop one of the bags. With the side of his foot he pushed the dog out of his way and edged through the front door, into the living room. Elsie departed along the path to the rear patio, leaving him by himself.
“Hi,” Fay called from the other part of the house, her voice obscured by the music. He failed, for a moment, to grasp that it was her voice he heard; for a moment it seemed only a noise, an impediment in the music. Then she appeared, gliding at him with her springy, padding walk, meanwhile drying her hands on a dishtowel. At her waist she had tied a sash into a bow; she wore tight pants and sandals, and her hair was uncombed. God, how pretty she looks, he thought. That marvelous alert walk of hers … ready to whip around in the opposite direction. Always conscious of the ground under her.
As he opened the bags of groceries he gazed down at her legs, seeing in his mind the high span that she reached, in the mornings, during her exercises. One leg up as she crouched on the floor… fastening her fingers about her ankle, while she bent to one side. What strong leg-muscles she has, he thought. Enough to cut a man in half. Bisect him, desex him. Part of that learned from the horse, from riding bareback and clutching that damn animal’s sides.
“Look what I got for you,” he said, holding out the jar of smoked oysters.
Fay said, “Oh –” And took the jar, accepting it with the manner that meant she understood that he had gotten it for her with such deep purpose, some desire to express his feelings. Of all the people in the world, she was the best at accepting a gift. Understanding how he felt, or how the children or neighbors or anyone felt. Never said too much, never overdid it, and always pointed out the important traits of the gift, why it was so valuable to her. She looked up at him and her mouth moved into the quick, grimace-like smile — tilting her head on one side she regarded him.
“And this,” he said, getting out the Tampax.
“Thanks,” she said, accepting it from him. As she took the box he drew back, and, hearing himself give a gasp, he hit her in the chest. She flew backwards, away from him, dropping the bottle of smoked oysters; at that he ran at her –she was sliding down against the side of the table, knocking the lamp off as she tried to catch herself– and hit her again, this time sending her glasses flying from her face. At once she rolled over, with stuff from the table clattering down on her.
At the doorway, Elsie began to scream. Bonnie appeared –he saw her white, wide-eyed face– but she said nothing; she stood gripping the doorknob… .she had been in the bedroom. “Mind your own business,” he yelled at the children. “Go on,” he yelled. “Get out of here.” He ran a few steps toward them; Bonnie remained where she was, but the baby turned and fled.
Kneeling down, he got a good grip on his wife and lifted her to a sitting position. A ceramic ashtray that she had made had broken; he began collecting the pieces with his left hand, supporting her with his right. She slumped against him, her eyes open, her mouth slack; she seemed to be glaring down at the floor, her forehead wrinkled, as if she were trying to make sense of what had happened. Presently she unbuttoned two buttons of her shirt and put her hand inside, to stroke her chest. But she was too dazed to talk.
He said, by way of explanation, “You know how I feel about getting that damn stuff. Why can’t you get it yourself? Why do I have to go down and get it?”
Her head swung upward, until she gazed directly at him. The dark color of her eyes reminded him of that in his children’s eyes: the same enlargement, the depth. They, all of them, reacted by this floating backward from him, this flying further and further along a line that he could not imagine or follow. All three of them together… . and he, left out. Facing only this outer surface. Where had they gone? Off to commune and confer. Accusation shining at him… .he heard nothing, but saw very well. Even the walls had eyes.
And then she got up and past him, not easily, but with a squeezing push of her hand; her fingers thrust him away, toppling him. In motion she had terrific strength. She bowled him over in order to get away. Kicked him aside, just to spring up. Heels, hands — she walked over him and was gone, across the room, not moving lightly but striking the asphalt tile floor with the soles of her feet, impacting so that she gained good traction — she could not afford to fall. At the door she made a mistake with the knob; she had a moment in which she could not go any further.
At once he was after her, talking all the way. “Where are you going?” No reply could be expected; he did not even wait. “You have to admit you know how I feel. I’ll bet you think I stopped off and had a couple of drinks at the Western. Well, I’ve got news for you.”
By then she had the door open. Down the cypress needle path she went, only her back visible to him, her hair, shoulders, belt, legs and heels. Showed me her heels, he thought. She got to the car, her Buick parked in the garage. Standing in the doorway he watched her back out. God, how fast she can go backward in that car… the long gray Buick off down the driveway, its nose, its grill and headlights facing him. Through the open gate, onto the road. Which way? Toward the sheriff’s house? She’s going to turn me in, he thought. I deserve it. Felony wife-beating.
The Buick rolled out of sight, leaving exhaust smoke hanging. The noise of its engine remained audible to him; he pictured it going along the narrow road, turning this way and that, both car and road turning together; she knew the road so well that she would never go off, not even in the worst fog. What a really superb driver, he thought. I take off my hat to her.
Well, she’ll either come back with Sheriff Chisholm or she’ll cool off.
But now he saw something he did not expect: the Buick reappeared, rolling into the driveway, narrowly missing the gate. Christ! The Buick rolled up and halted directly ahead of him. Fay jumped out and came toward him.
“How come you’re back?” he said, speaking as matter-of-factly as possible.
Fay said, “I don’t want to leave the kids here with you.”
“Hell,” he said, dumbfounded.
“May I take them?” she said, facing him. “Do you mind?” Her words poured out briskly.
“Suit yourself,” he said, having trouble speaking. “For how long did you mean? Just for right now?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“I think we ought to be able to talk this over,” he said. “We should be able to sit down about it. Let’s go on inside. Okay?”
Passing by him, into the house, Fay said, “Do you mind if I try to calm the children?” She disappeared beyond the edge of the kitchen cabinets; presently he heard her calling the girls, somewhere off in the bedroom area of the house.