Her hands crept around his neck, gentle, loving. “How terrible a struggle all of you must have, and you more than most. To have to make so many life-and-death decisions, to sentence friends and even family to be destroyed must be a burden beyond belief. You are strong, Mikhail, and your people are right to believe in you. The monster you battle daily is part of you, maybe the part that makes you so strong and determined. You see that side of you as evil when in fact it is what gives you your power, the ability and strength to do what you must do for your people.”
Mikhail ducked his head, not wanting her to see the expression in his eyes, what her words meant to him. There was an obstruction in his throat that threatened to choke him. He did not deserve her, would never deserve her. She was unselfish, while he had all but taken her captive and forced her to find a way to live with him.
“Mikhail.” Her voice was soft; she brushed his chin with the softness of her mouth. “I was alone until you came into my life.” Her lips found the corner of his. “No one knew me—not who I was—and people feared me because I knew things about them they could never know of me.” She wrapped her arms around him, comforting him as if he were a child. “Was it really so wrong to want me for yourself, knowing I would end such a terrible existence for you? Do you really believe you must condemn yourself? I love you. I know that I love you totally and without reservation. I accept who you are.”
He raked a hand through his hair. “I cannot control my emotions at this time, Raven. I cannot lose you. You have no conception of what it was like—no daylight, no laughter, centuries of complete loneliness. I know a monster lives in me. The longer one lives, the more powerful he becomes. I fear for Gregori. He is but a mere twenty-five years younger than I am, but he has had the weight of hunting the undead for centuries. He isolates himself from his own kind. Sometimes we do not see or hear from him for half a century. His power is immense and the darkness in him grows. It is a cold, bleak existence, harsh and unrelenting, and always the monster inside fights for release. You are my salvation. At this time it is all so new to me, and the fear of losing you far too fresh. I don’t know what I would do to any who would try to take you from me.”
Her hand found his, fingers linking them together.
“Noelle gave birth to a son. Eleanor did the same. There are no women to relieve the terrible black void for the men. Gregori suffers the most. He roams the earth, learning its secrets and conducting experiments none of us dare inquire too deeply into. I have never told anyone this, but he has more knowledge and more strength than I do. We have never had reason for conflict—he always comes through in an emergency—but I feel his withdrawal.” Mikhail rubbed his eyes tiredly. “What am I to do? Sooner or later he will make his choice. Either way we will lose him.”
“I don’t understand.”
“There is ultimate power in the taking of life while we feed, and it is so easy, drawing our victims to us. No one can survive darkness and despair for a thousand years. Gregori has lived from the Crusades to men walking on the moon, always fighting the monster inside. The one hope we have for salvation is our lifemate. And if Gregori does not find his lifemate soon, he will seek the dawn or turn. I fear the worst.”
“What is turning?”
“Killing for the pleasure of it, the power, becoming the vampire humans recognize. Using women before feeding, forcing them to become slaves,” Mikhail answered grimly. He and Gregori had often hunted their own kind and discovered just how depraved a Carpathian turned vampire could be.
“You would have to stop Gregori?” Fear shot through her like a flaming arrow. She was beginning to understand the complexity of Mikhail’s life. “You say he is more powerful.”