Mikhail finished new poultices, placed them precisely over the wounds to seal them. Her fear, her revulsion, her sense of betrayal beat at his insides, making him want to weep for her, for both of them.
“What I did with you was not the same thing as using a human woman for sex. We did not have sex; my body recognized you as my lifemate. There was no way I could ignore the call. I would have had to choose to end my life. The ritual demands the exchange of blood. It is not feeding hunger; it is purely a sensual exchange, a beautiful, erotic affirmation of love and trust. The first time I took your blood, I inadvertently took too much because I felt such ecstasy. I was out of control. I was wrong to tie you to me without your understanding of exactly what it all meant. But I allowed you to make the choice. You cannot deny it.”
Raven stared up at his face, reading the sorrow in his dark eyes, the fear for her. She wanted to touch him, to ease those lines of strain, to reassure him that she could handle what he was asking of her, but her brain could not accept what he was saying.
“I would have chosen death, if you had allowed me to go with you.” He pushed the hair from her face with gentle, caressing fingers. “You know that, Raven. The only way I could save you was to make you one of us. You chose life.”
I didn’t know what I was doing.
“If you had known, would you have chosen death for me?”
Her blue eyes, so bewildered and confused, so haunted, searched his face. Release me, Mikhail. I do not like to lie here helpless.
Mikhail covered her body with a thin sheet. “Your wounds are severe; you need blood, healing, and sleep. Do not move around.”
Her eyes chastised him. Mikhail touched her chin with gentle fingers. He released her, his eyes watchful. “Answer me, little one. Knowing what we are, would you have sent me to eternal darkness?”
She made a supreme effort to get herself under control. A part of her still could not believe this was happening. A part of her struggled to understand and be fair. “I told you I could accept you, even love you as you are, Mikhail. And I meant that then. The same is true now.” She was so weak, she could hardly speak. “I know you’re a good man; there is no evil in you. Father Hummer said I couldn’t judge you by our standards and I won’t. No, I would have chosen life for you. I love you.”
There was too much sorrow in her eyes for him to feel relief. “But?” he prompted softly.
“I can accept it in you, Mikhail, but not for me. I could never drink blood. The thought of it sickens me.” Her tongue touched her dry lips. “Can you change me back? A transfusion, perhaps?”
He shook his head regretfully.
“Then let me die. Just me. If you love me, let me go.”
Mikhail’s eyes darkened, burned. “You do not understand. You are my life. My heart. There is no Mikhail without Raven. If you wish to seek eternal darkness, I must go with you. I had never known the pain and ecstasy of our people’s love until I found you. You are the very air I breathe, the blood in my veins, my joy, my tears, my very feelings. I would not wish to continue a barren, empty existence. It would be impossible. The torment you felt for those short hours without our mind touch would be nothing compared to the hell to which you wish to condemn me.”
“Mikhail”—she whispered his name in anguish—”I am not Carpathian.”
“You are, little one. Please give yourself time to heal, to absorb all this and adjust to it.” He was pleading with her, his voice soft and persuasive.
She closed her eyes against the tears welling up. “I want to sleep.”
Raven needed more blood. The transfer would be easier on her if she had no idea what was happening to her. The healing sleep of the earth might provide her with comfort; in any case, it would speed the healing process of her body. Mercifully, Mikhail obliged her request and sent her into a deep sleep.