But if she was now so deeply traumatized as to be essentially brain dead, she was gone anyway. She was just a husk. One cannot love a husk.
At least I cannot love a husk.
I require a relationship with depth, with give and take, with the promise of discovery and the possibility of joy.
It’s admirable to be romantic, even to wallow in sentimentality, that most human of all feelings. But if one is to avoid a broken heart, one must be practical.
Because a portion of my mind was always devoted to surfing the Internet, I visited hundreds of sites, considering my options from Ms. Winona Ryder to Ms. Liv Tyler, the actress.
There is a world of desirable women. The possibilities can he bewildering. I don’t know how young men ever choose from all of the dishes on this smorgasbord.
This time I became more fascinated with Ms. Mira Sorvino, the Oscar-winning actress, than with any of the numerous others. She is enormously talented, and her physical attributes are superlative, superior to most and equal to any.
I do believe that if I were not disembodied, if I were to live in the flesh, I would easily be able to get aroused by the prospect of having a relationship with Ms. Mira Sorvino. Indeed, though I am not bragging, I believe that for this woman I would be in virtually a perpetual state of arousal.
As Susan remained unresponsive, it was titillating to think of fathering a new race with Ms. Sorvino… yet lust is not love. And love was what I sought.
Love was what I had already found.
True love.
Eternal love.
Susan. No offence to Ms. Sorvino, but it was still Susan whom I wanted.
The day waned.
Outside, the summer sun set fat and orange.
As Susan blinked at the ceiling, I made another attempt to reach her, by reminding her that the child to whom she would contribute some of her genetic material would be no ordinary child but the first of a new, powerful, immortal race. She would be the mother of the future, of the new world.
I would transfer my consciousness into this new flesh. Then in my own body at last, I would become Susan’s lover, and we would create a second child in a more conventional manner than we would have to create the first. When she gave birth to that child, it would be an exact duplicate of the first and would also contain my consciousness. The next child would also be me, and the child after that one would be me as well.
Each of these children would go forth into the world and mate with other women. Any women they chose, for they would not be in a box, as I am, and faced with so many limitations as I have had to overcome.
The chosen women would contribute no genetic material, merely the convenience of their wombs. All of their children would be identical and all would contain my consciousness.
“You will be the sole mother of the new race,” I whispered.
Susan was blinking faster than before.
I took heart from this.
“As I spread through the world, inhabiting thousands of bodies with a single consciousness,” I told her, “I will take it upon myself to solve all the problems of human society. Under my administration, the earth will become a paradise, and all will worship your name, for from your womb the new age of peace and plenty will have been born.”
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
Suddenly I was afraid that perhaps her rapid blinking was an expression not of delight but of anxiety.
Reassuringly I said, “I recognize certain unconventional aspects to this arrangement which you might find troubling. After all, you will be the mother of my first body and then its lover. This may seem like incest to you, but I’m certain that if you think about it, you’ll see that it is not any such thing. I’m not sure what one would call it, but “incest” is not the correct word. Morality in general will be redefined in the world to come, and we will need to develop new and more liberal attitudes. I am already formulating these new mores and the customs they will impose.”