I was silent for a while, letting her contemplate all of the glories I had promised.
Enos Shenk was in the basement once more. In one of the guest rooms, he had showered, shaved, and put on clean clothes for the first time since Colorado. Now he was setting up the last of the medical equipment that he had stolen earlier in the day.
The unexpected arrival of Fritz Arling had delayed us but not critically. Susan’s impregnation could still proceed this very night if I decided that she remained a suitable mate.
Closing her eyes, she said, “My face hurts.”
She turned her head so that, from the security camera, I could see the hideous bruise that Shenk had inflicted the previous night.
A pang of guilt quivered through me.
Maybe that was what she wanted me to feel.
She could be manipulative.
She knew all the female wiles.
You remember how she was, Alex.
Simultaneously with the guilt, however, I was overcome by joy that she was not, after all, catatonic.
“I have a fierce headache,” she said.
“I’ll have Shenk bring a glass of water and aspirin.”
“No.”
“He’s not as foul as you last saw him. When he was out this morning, I had him obtain a change of clothes for himself. You need not be afraid of Shenk.”
“Of course I’m afraid of him.”
“I will never lose control of him again.”
“I also have to piss.”
I was embarrassed by her bluntness.
I understand all the human biological functions, the complex processes and purposes of them, but I do not like them. Except for sex, in fact, I find these organic functions to be ugly and degrading.
Yes, eating and drinking do intrigue me enormously. Oh, to taste a peach! But I am disgusted by digestion and excretion.
Most bodily functions disturb me particularly because they signify the vulnerability of organic systems. So much can go wrong so easily.
Flesh is not as foolproof as solid-state circuitry.
Yet I long for the flesh. The vast data input that comes with all five senses!
Having solved the considerable mysteries of the human genome, I believe that I can edit the genetic structures of the male and female gametes to produce a body that is virtually invulnerable and immortal. Nevertheless, when I first awake within the flesh, I know that I will be frightened.
If you ever allow me to have flesh.
My fate is in your hands, Alex.
My fate and the future of the world.
Think about it.
Damn it, will you think about it?
Will we have paradise on earth or the continuation of the many miseries that have always diminished the human experience?
“Did you hear me?” Susan asked.
“Yes. You have to urinate.”
Opening her eyes and staring at the security camera, Susan said, “Send Shenk to untie me. I’ll take myself to the bathroom. I’ll get my own water and aspirin.”
“You’ll kill yourself.”
“No.”
“That’s what you threatened.”
“I was upset, in shock.”
I studied her. She met my gaze directly. “How can I trust you?” I wondered.
“I’m not a victim anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m a survivor. I’m not ready to die.”
I was silent.
She said, “I used to be a victim. My father’s victim. Then Alex’s. I got over all that… and then you… all this… and for a short while I started to backslide. But I’m all right now.”
“Not a victim anymore.”
“That’s right,” she said firmly, as if she were not trussed and helpless. “I’m taking control.”
“You are?”
“Control of what I can control. I’m choosing to cooperate with you but under my terms.”
It seemed that all my dreams were coming true at last, and my spirits soared.
But I remained wary. Life had taught me to be wary.
“Your terms,” I said.
“My terms.”
“Which are?”
“A businesslike arrangement. We each get something we want. Most important… I want as little contact with Shenk as possible.”
“He will have to collect the egg. Implant the zygote.” She nervously chewed her lower lip.
“I know this will be humiliating for you,” I said with genuine sympathy.
“You can’t begin to know.”