These thoughts renewed Taraza’s balance. Nagging questions could be placed temporarily at a distance. She could look at them without passion.
Odrade and the Tyrant were right: Without noble purpose we are nothing.
One could not escape, though, the fact that critical decisions were being made on Rakis by a person who suffered from those recurring Atreides flaws. Odrade had always displayed typical Atreides weakness. She had been positively benevolent to erring acolytes. Affections developed out of such behavior!
Dangerous and mind-clouding affections.
This weakened others, who then were required to compensate for such laxity. More competent Sisters were called upon to take erring acolytes in hand and correct the weaknesses. Of course, Odrade’s behavior had exposed these flaws in acolytes. One must admit this. Perhaps Odrade reasoned thus.
When she thought this way, something subtle and powerful shifted in Taraza’s perceptions. She was forced to put down a deep sense of loneliness. It rankled. Melancholy could be quite as mind-clouding as affection . . . or even love. Taraza and her watchful Memory Sisters ascribed such emotional responses to awareness of mortality. She was forced to confront the fact that one day she would be no more than a set of memories in someone else’s living flesh.
Memories and accidental discoveries, she saw, had made her vulnerable. And just when she needed every available faculty!
But I am not yet dead.
Taraza knew how to restore herself. And she knew the consequences. Always after these bouts of melancholy she regained an even firmer grip on her life and its purposes. Odrade’s flawed behavior was a source of her Mother Superior’s strength.
Odrade knew it. Taraza smiled grimly at this awareness. The Mother Superior’s authority over her Sisters always became stronger when she returned from melancholy. Others had observed this but only Odrade knew about the rage.
There!
Taraza realized that she had confronted the distressful seeds of her frustration.
Odrade had clearly recognized on several occasions what sat at the core of the Mother Superior’s behavior. A giant howl of rage against the uses others had made of her life. The power of that suppressed rage was daunting even though it could never be expressed in a way that vented it. That rage must never be allowed to heal. How it hurt! Odrade’s awareness made the pain even more intense.
Such things did what they were supposed to do, of course. Bene Gesserit impositions developed certain mental muscles. They built up layers of callousness that could never be revealed to outsiders. Love was one of the most dangerous forces in the universe. They had to protect themselves against it. A Reverend Mother could never become intimately personal, not even in the services of the Bene Gesserit.
Simulation: We play the necessary role that saves us. The Bene Gesserit will persist!
How long would they be subservient this time? Another thirty-five hundred years? Well, damn them all! It would still be only a temporary thing.
Taraza turned her back on the window and its restorative view. She did feel restored. New strength flowed into her. There was strength enough to overcome that gnawing reluctance which had kept her from making the essential decision.
I will go to Rakis.
She no longer could evade the source of her own reluctance.
I may have to do what Bellonda wants.
Survival of self, of species, and of environment, these are what drive humans. You can observe how the order of importance changes in a lifetime. What are the things of immediate concern at a given age? Weather? The state of the digestion? Does she (or he) really care? All of those various hungers that flesh can sense and hope to satisfy. What else could possibly matter?
-Leto II to Hwi Noree, His Voice: Dar-es-Balat
Miles Teg awoke in darkness to find himself being carried on a litter sling supported by suspensors. By their faint energy glow, he could see the tiny suspensor bulbs in an updangling row around him.
There was a gag in his mouth. His hands were securely tied behind his back. His eyes remained uncovered.
So they don’t care what I see.
Who they were he could not tell. The bobbing motions of the dark shapes around him suggested they were descending uneven terrain. A trail? The litter sling rode smoothly on its suspensors. He could sense the faint humming from the suspensors when his party stopped to negotiate the turn of a difficult passage.