Interstellar Patrol by Christopher Anvil

The screaming mob rounded a corner and there was another terrified mob coming from the other direction. They fled headlong straight into each other, hit like two avalanches in collision, and were strewn all over street and sidewalks by the impact. They then suddenly looked furious, and sprang to their feet.

“Quick!” shouted Roberts. “Shut it off!”

“Done,” said Morrissey.

On the screen, the mingled remnants of the two mobs waded into each other savagely.

“For—” Roberts looked on, speechless.

“It’s started,” said Morrissey, “so it goes on by itself. Each one of them saw someone else glaring at him. That was on account of our want-generator here. We turned that off. But already, they were swinging at each other. And the punches connected. Well, what would you do? Now they’ve got real reasons to be mad. You want me to set it up for ‘desire to flee’ again?”

“No. This is just one scene. For all we know, on other streets they’re still fighting and running at the same time. Set it up for ‘desire to sleep.’ I don’t see what harm that can do.”

On the screen, the combatants gradually seemed to run down. They looked around, yawning.

“Quick! said Roberts. “Shut it off!”

“Off,” said Morrissey. “I’m getting quick at turning this thing off.”

Hammell said, “Why not leave it on. Get them quieted down, and—Oh.”

Fire was crawling forward up the block, and now burst out the windows fronting on the nearest street.

“I was afraid,” said Roberts, “they’d get caught in the fire.”

“This disgraceful riot,” the communicator was saying, “has caused damage that may not be repaired for years. Your city administration, human and roboid, will attempt to rectify the situation as rapidly as possible. But any improvement will be contingent upon your cooperation. This upheaval has cast doubt upon many fundamental beliefs firmly held in the past, and in future it may be necessary for your administration to use stronger methods to maintain law and order. It is fervently hoped, however, that—”

“Shut it off,” groaned Roberts.

Morrissey reached over and snapped the switch.

“Great space,” said Hammell. “All we did was beam ‘desire for achievement’ at them for a few hours. How did all this mess come about?”

“Obviously,” said Morrissey, “their idea of achievement just wasn’t what we had in mind.”

“Sure, but that isn’t what I mean. Look, it was only a little time. A few hours, that’s all. How did a full-fledged revolution get going in that length of time?”

Roberts shook his head. “What’s the big problem in getting anything changed? Creating desire for the change. To get a reform pushed through, for instance, there has to be a lot of argument just to get people headed in the same direction. With this device, we may get through that stage in a few minutes.”

“Only,” said Morrissey, “we don’t know what will happen till we’ve done it.”

“The trouble,” said Hammell, “is that they just aren’t educated. If they were educated, they’d want exactly the same things we want. Let’s set up ‘desire to study.’ We’ve got that, haven’t we? Sure we have. I remember.”

Dubiously, Morrissey said, “I don’t know. It seems to me—”

“Yes, we have, I remember when we hit it. All at once, I got an urge to study circuits, memorize formulas—”

“Yes,” said Morrissey, “I know we’ve got ‘desire to study’ on the list. Sure we can hit them with that. But then what? I’ve had enough of being sorcerer’s apprentice for a while.”

“What harm could it possibly do?”

“I don’t know. But that doesn’t prove it won’t do harm.”

“The trouble,” said Roberts, “is that we just aren’t used to this thing yet. We need more practice. This is like stepping out into space for the first time, when you’ve grown up on a planet. The thing is strange. But that doesn’t mean you won’t master it, with practice.”

Morrissey looked slightly encouraged. “It is true that this is the first time we’ve used it.”

“Sure,” said Hammell. “We were bound to have trouble.”

“But,” said Roberts, “already we’re getting used to it. We know, for instance, that the effect builds up a lot faster than we thought. And we also know that, once started, there’s a sort of inertia—the thing tends to keep going by itself.”

“Well,” said Morrissey, “when you put it that way—maybe things aren’t as bad as they looked. But I think we’d better lay off for a while, anyhow. I’m about done in.”

Roberts nodded. “They’re about done in in that city, too.”

“But tomorrow,” said Hammell, “we can start educating them.”

* * *

Early the next morning, they tuned in the city. The scene on the 3-V looked exactly like what it was—the morning after a small war. Roboid fire-fighting equipment battled fires in buildings and smoldering dumps, while first-aid crews shunted riot victims into big many-wheeled ambulances that rolled away with a dozen patients at a time. Whole buildings, and long stretches of street and park, were like mountains of white foam, but more fires still burned, and the prostrate forms in the streets plainly numbered in the hundreds, if not thousands.

“Whew,” said Morrissey, glancing from the 3-V to the want-generator. “I don’t know. I’m almost afraid to touch this thing.”

“Don’t worry about that,” said Hammell, “a little education will straighten everything out.”

“How do we know they can get anything to study? Does the place have a library?”

“It’s bound to,” said Hammell. “Come on. Let’s get on with it.”

With visible reluctance, Morrissey turned to the want-generator. Then he shrugged, glanced at the list of settings, and got to work.

Hammell glanced at Roberts. “I wish they’d had something like this when I was in school.”

Roberts nodded absently. He was starting to have doubts about this approach. “How long is this going to take? Education is great, but it’s kind of a long-range proposition. We want to get off this planet some time in the foreseeable future.”

“Well,” said Hammell, “we worked up a small war in less than a day.”

Morrissey straightened. “There we are. Now, what do we do? Shall we all watch it at once, or should we set up a system of watches?”

Hammell shrugged. “Why not let it work for an hour or so? ‘A watched pot never boils.'”

“No,” said Morrissey. “It doesn’t boil over, either.”

Roberts said, “I don’t see how it could do any quick damage. Suppose Hammell and I work for a while on the game we caught yesterday? If you want, you can keep watch on the 3-V.”

Morrissey nodded. “What happened yesterday makes me uneasy.”

“Nothing bad,” said Hammell positively, “can possibly come out of education.”

Morrissey visibly readied a sharp reply.

Roberts poured oil on the waters. “Probably nothing will happen, but there’s no harm being on the safe side. Let’s go see if anything got in last night.”

Hammell nodded, and went along with Roberts into the cargo compartment.

“Well,” he said, “we should have fresh meat pretty soon. Nothing got in here last night.”

They examined the game they’d caught the previous day, bled, gutted, and then hung up till they had time to skin it. Then they got out their knives.

An hour later, their knives were blunted, and their hands sore.

Hammell growled, “It couldn’t be harder if it were frozen.”

The stiff skin, held to the meat by tough membranes, gave way an inch at a time.

“Whew,” said Roberts. “No wonder those technicians seemed so ugly. Probably everything they’ve got only came after a struggle.”

Hammell nodded. “Or maybe they got that way from eating the meat.”

“That’s a thought.” Roberts eyed the animal with calculating gaze. “We’ve got to figure it out somehow. Those emergency rations were meant for a whole crew, but they won’t last forever.”

“Yeah. Well, if we keep at it—”

From the other end of the tender came Morrissey’s voice.

“Ah, for the love of . . . Well, GREAT HOLY LEAPING . . .”

Without a word, Roberts and Hammell jumped up, and headed at a run for Morrissey and the 3-V set.

* * *

“Just listen to this,” said Morrissey.

” . . . will be done,” the communicator was saying, “in order to supply suitable study materials. We repeat, however, that books, films, spools, and exhibits on such subjects as shoplifting, explosives, safe-cracking, mental-suggestion, seduction, death rays, hypnotism, aphrodisiacs, sabotage, secret jujitsu blows, and undetectable murder methods are forbidden under a law which has just been enacted. However, if anyone wishes to learn about anything else, the necessary materials will be provided, following due and careful consideration of the request.”

Hammell sagged against the bulkhead.

Roberts shook his head. “Another zero.”

Morrissey had an odd smile on his face. “What next?”

“First,” said Roberts, “we don’t get discouraged. We’ve got to keep trying—”

“Sure,” said Morrissey. “If once you don’t succeed, try, try again. If twice you don’t succeed, try, try again. If three times you don’t succeed—”

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