Interstellar Patrol by Christopher Anvil

Matthew Crandall, Colonel,

Space Force, Commanding.

Planetary Development H.Q., Cygnes VI m 4 to Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III Staff:

John R. Hennings is successor to Peyton B. Jones.

Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III to Planetary Development H.Q. Cygnes VI m 4

Personal: To J. R. Hennings, Chief.

Sir: You are hereby authorized and directed to fully acquaint yourself with the messages passed between your two previous superiors and myself regarding latest model delGrange mechanical suits en route from Purth, due 01-23-2212, and especially regarding retention of twenty-four rpt twenty-four of those suits as emergency reserve.

You are hereby directed to inform me of any reason why these suits cannot be retained as emergency reserve, or of any reason why, in your opinion, such retention would be disastrous or dangerous. My intention is to order you to hold twenty-four of these suits in reserve if you do not give any logical and satisfactory reason why this should not be done.

In present circumstances, your refusal to carry out such a direct order would result in immediate trial by military court. You would be accused of attempting to block by your disobedience the extraction of vital ore from Cygnes VI, thus endangering the security of the race. The formal charge would therefore be treason. The punishment if found guilty will be death.

Matthew Crandall, Colonel,

Space Force, Commanding.

Planetary Development H.Q., Cygnes VI m 4 to Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III

Personal: To Col. Matthew Crandall.

Sir: I see no reason why retention of such a reserve would be disastrous or dangerous, unless it cut down ore production sufficiently to produce a dangerous shortage. I will of course obey your orders to the best of my ability.

John R. Hennings, Acting Chief,

Planetary Cevelopment, Cygnes.

* * *

Later in the day, Crandall received a damage claim against the lieutenant for:

1 pipet, 25 ml., smashed $2.75.

Crandall took the time to pay it out of his own pocket, saying nothing to the lieutenant. Then he got back to work.

He spent an hour carefully going back over the successive messages. Try as he might, he could not see what had gone wrong, or spot any single place where it happened. Things just seemed to pile up with no sensible reason. Then he began to notice sentences here and there in the Planetary Development messages:

“This ore is vitally important back home.”

“Everything we hold back will be out of action and useless for thirty days.”

“How many units are you planning to hold out?”

“Twenty-four is damned near a fourth of a hundred, or about one-twelfth the whole force. What are you trying to do, hamstring me?”

“What you are asking me to do is to sacrifice three thousand six hundred man-days to satisfy your misplaced military notions.”

“I flatly refuse to jeopardize Earth by doing as you say.”

Two more lines popped out, from Paley’s jittery last message:

“This is just a jurisdictional matter.”

“The press will have your head if you start any shooting.”

Crandall squinted hard at this last sentence. How, he asked himself, had the press gotten into this already? He looked up as an unpleasant possibility began to form in his mind.

Just then, the message bell rang:

G.H.Q. Space Force H.Q., Terra to Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III

Personal: To Col. Matthew Crandall.

Would you mind telling us exactly what is going on out there?

G. C. Davis, General, Chief of Staff.

* * *

Crandall relayed the entire correspondence from beginning to end to G.H.Q. on Terra. Before this had time to reach Terra, Crandall received a second message:

G.H.Q. Space Forces, Terra to Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III

Personal: To Col. Matthew Crandall.

We now have a three-ring circus and medicine show in operation here. Planetary Development G.H.Q. is handing out generalities about military callousness, waste, and stupidity, and they have scheduled a mammoth press conference for tomorrow. Unless you would like to spend the rest of your life plotting asteroid maps, you had better send us full and complete information and get it here well before the press conference opens.

G. C. Davis, General, Chief of Staff.

* * *

Crandall immediately sent a series of specially scrambled queries to staff officers he knew on Terra. When he had finished, the message bell pinged, and the transceiver unrolled a brief message:

T.S.F. Corvette Lightning Bug to Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III Staff:

Planetary Development Communication Ship Flash disobeyed order to end transmission as per Schedule Three rpt Three. I at once carried out Radio Subrelay Jamming Directive, and have also boarded Flash, confined crew, arrested and removed officers.

L. S. Daniels, 1st Lieut.,

Space Force, Commanding.

* * *

Crandall promptly sent L. S. Daniels, 1st Lieut., his personal commendation. Then the transceiver went into operation again:

G.H.Q. Space Forces, Terra to Space Force H.Q., Cygnes III

Personal: To Col. Matthew Crandall:

We have received your long message here, and while I do not claim to have digested it all, I think I see what happened, and I imagine you see it too by now. It is all very neat, smooth, and nicely put together, with a strong spring and good sharp teeth in it, like a bear trap under the leaves. I fail to see what else you could have done that would not have compromised our security. But I don’t know if that is going to help or not. I will not try to advise you at this distance, except in generalities: 1) Don’t worry about us at this end; we will cover you and keep the avalanche off your head as long as possible, 2) Waste no time thinking about the unpleasant possibilities; keep your mind working on the pressing details. 3) This may seem a little hackneyed, but I would advise you to take a few moments and pray.

G. C. Davis, General, Chief of Staff.

* * *

Crandall thought it over, and took a few moments for fervent prayer. Then the bell pinged, and a number of freshly unscrambled messages came in, in reply to his queries. Most of these messages were signed by staff officers and were headed “G.H.Q. Space Forces, Terra.”

They went on to say:

Matt: Regarding the new delGrange pressure suit—it must be a classified Planetary Development exclusive. We have nothing solid on it, just rumors. If there’s any reason why some of the suits can’t be held in hand as a reserve, Paley should have given you the reason. We don’t know enough about it to say one way or the other. On the other hand, of course, Paley or his successor can stand you off indefinitely by looking virtuous and saying “Classified.” All that we can say back here is, we wish you luck.

Matt: You’re right, and the Chief did perhaps put a little bit of a squeeze on our friends here in the sister service a few weeks ago. I know we should never underestimate our friends. But this business you describe shows such fast reactions, and such slick knife work, that I just can’t believe it. Are you sure this isn’t a misunderstanding?

Matt: We have dug up Paley’s record for you. Also those of his top aides. The aides are more or less conventional. But here are some points on Paley: Graduated cum laude. Major: Business administration. Minor: Renaissance history. Joined P.D.A young and rose fast. A number of interesting articles published in historical journals. Example: “The living influence of Machiavelli in Post-Renaissance Italy.” Paley’s nickname in college: “The Op.” Paley’s favorite game: Go. Has high efficiency rating and said to be fanatically loyal to P.D.A. Many minor brushes with military while in lower positions, but none later on. At least none recorded.

Matt: Press reaction here violent. Newspapers, magazines, radio, trideo, solideo, and 6-V are booming versions of two stories: a) You have shot your opposite number and are running Cygnes as a military dictator. b) Planetary Development tried to seize Cygnes with new secret weapons, and you are now locked in last ditch death struggle to save Cygnes for Earth. Hard to say whether you’re villain or hero, but you’re notorious, anyway.

* * *

Crandall studied the messages carefully and gloomily, then checked to make sure the rigorous routines of martial law were being carried out. He ate, thought over the whole matter, then fell into an exhausted sleep. In his dreams he was a young second lieutenant, and a brisk colonel was saying to him, “Never fight with your opposite number, lieutenant. The Space Force and Planetary Development are just like two halves of a pair of pliers; you have to take care of that little bolt of mutual trust and co-operation that joins them together. Never fight with your opposite number, lieutenant. The Space Force and Planetary Development are just like two halves of a pair of pliers; you have to take care of that little bolt of mutual trust and co-operation that joins them together. Never fight with your opposite number, lieutenant—”

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