‘Yes, you do,’ said Mrs Spent. ‘You’re Captain Carrot. I seen you walking about the town. Still, I suppose even coppers have to sleep somewhere.’
On the roof, Angua rolled her eyes.
‘No wimmin, no cookin’, no music, no pets,’ said Mrs Spent, as she led the way up the creaking stairs.
Angua waited in the dark until she heard the window open.
‘She’s gone,’ Carrot hissed.
‘There’s glass on the tiles out here, just like Fred reported,’ said Angua, as she swung herself over the sill. Inside the room she took a deep breath and shut her eyes.
First she had to forget the smell of Carrot – anxious sweat, soap, the lingering hints of armour polish…
…and Fred Colon, all perspiration with a hint of beer, and then the odd ointment Nobby used for his skin condition, and the smells of feet, bodies, clothes, polish, fingernails…
After an hour it was possible for the eye of the nose to see someone walk across the room, frozen in time by their smell. But after a day smells criss–crossed and entangled. You had to take them apart, remove the familiar pieces, and what you had left
‘They’re so mixed up!’
‘All right, all right,’ said Carrot soothingly.
‘At least three people! But I think one of them is Ossie… It’s stronger round the bed… and. ..’
She opened her eyes wide and looked down at the floor. ‘Somewhere here!’
‘What? What is?’
Angua crouched down with her nose just above the floorboards.
‘I can smell it but I can’t see it!’
A knife appeared in front of her. Carrot got down on his knees and ran the blade along the dust–filled crack between the floorboards.
Something splintery and brown popped up. It had been trodden on and rolled underfoot, but at this distance even Carrot could pick up traces of the clove smell. ‘Do you think Ossie made a lot of apple pies?’ he whispered.
‘No cookin’, remember?’ said Angua, and grinned.
‘There’s something else…’
Carrot levered out more dirt and dust. In it, something glittered. ‘Fred said all the glass was outside, didn’t he?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, supposing we assume that someone didn’t pick up all the bits when they broke in?’
‘For someone that doesn’t like lying, Carrot, you can be quite devious, you know?’
‘Just logical. There’s glass outside the window, but all that means is that there is glass outside the window. Commander Vimes always says there’re no such things as dues. It’s how you look at them.’
‘You think someone broke in and then carefully put the glass outside?’
‘Could be.’
‘Carrot? Why are we whispering?’
‘No wimmin, remember?’
‘And no pets,’ said Angua. ‘So she’s got me coming and going. Don’t look like that,’ she added, when she saw his face. ‘It’s only bad taste if someone else says it. I’m allowed.’
Carrot scratched up some more glass fragments. Angua looked under the bed and pulled out the battered magazines.
‘Ye gods, do people really read this stuff?’ she said, flicking through Bows and Ammo. ‘ “Testing the Locksley Reflex 7: A Whole Lotta Bow”… “Footsore! We test the Ten Best Caltrops!”… and what’s this magazine… ? Warrior of Fortune?’
‘There’s always little wars somewhere,’ said Carrot, pulling out the box of money.
‘But will you look at the size of this axe here? “Get A Head, Get A Burleigh and Stronginthearm ‘Streetsweeper’ and Win By A Neck!” Well, it must be true what they say about men who like big weapons…’
‘And that is?’ said carrot, lifting the lid of the box.
She looked at the top of his head. As always, Carrot radiated innocence like a small sun. But he’d… They’d… Surely he…
‘They, er… they’re rather small,’ she said.
‘Oh, that’s true,’ said Carrot, picking up some of the Klatchian coins. ‘Look at dwarfs. Never happier than with a chopper the same size as them. And Nobby’s fascinated by weapons and he’s practically dwarfsized.’,
‘Er… ‘
Technically, Angua was sure she knew Carrot better than anyone else. She was pretty sure he cared a lot for her. He seldom said so, he just assumed that she knew. She’d known other men, although turning into a wolf for part of the month was one of those little flaws that could put any normal man off and, up until Carrot, always had. And she knew the sort of things men said in what might be called the heat of the moment and then forgot. But when Carrot said things, you knew that he felt that everything was now settled until further notice, so if she made any comment he’d be genuinely surprised that she’d forgotten what it was he had said and would probably quote date and time.
And yet all the time there was this feeling that the greater part of him was always deep, deep inside, looking out. Noone could be so simple, no–one could be so creatively dumb, without being very intelligent. It was like being an actor. Only a very good actor was any good at being a bad actor.
‘Rather a lonely person, our Nobby,’ said Carrot.
‘Well, yes…’
‘But Im sure he’ll find the right person for him,’ Carrot added, cheerfully.
Probably in a bottle, said Angua to herself. She remembered the conversation with him. It was a terrible thing to think, but there was somethin itchy about the thought of Nobby being allowed in
pool, even at the shallow end.
‘You know, these coins are odd,’ said Carrot.
‘How do you mean?’ said Angua, grateful for the distraction.
‘Why would he be paid in Klatchian wols? He wouldn’t be able to spend them here, and the money changers don’t give very good rates.’ Carrot tossed a coin in the air and caught it. ‘When we were leaving, Mr Vimes said to me, “Make sure you find the bunch of dates and the camel hidden under the pillow.” I think I know what he meant.’
‘Sand on the floor,’ said Angua. ‘Now, isn’t that an obvious clue? You can tell they were Klatchian because of the sand in their sandals!’
‘But these cloves…’ Carrot prodded the little bud. ‘It’s not as if it’s a common habit, even among Klatchians. That’s not a very obvious clue, is it?’
‘It smells newer,’ said Angua. ‘I’d say he was here last night.’
‘After Ossie was dead?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘How should I know? What kind of name is 71–hour Ahmed?’ said Angua.
Carrot shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I think Mr Vimes thinks that someone in Ankh–Morpork wants us to believe that Klatchians paid to have the Prince killed. That sounds… nasty but logical. But I don’t understand why a real Klatchian would get involved…’
Their eyes met.
‘Politics?’ they said together.
‘For enough money, a lot of people would do anything,’ said Angua.
There was a sudden and ferocious knocking at the door.
‘Have you got someone in there?’ said Mrs Spent.
‘Out of the window!’ said Carrot.
‘Why don’t I just stay and rip her throat out?’ said Angua. ‘All right, all right, it was a joke, all right?’ she said, swinging her legs over the sill.
Ankh–Morpork no longer had a fire brigade. The citizens had a rather disturbingly direct way of thinking at times, and it did not take long for people to see the rather obvious flaw in paying a group of people by
the number of fires they put out. The penny really dropped shortly after Charcoal Tuesday.
Since then they had relied on the good old principle of enlightened self–interest. People living dose to a burning building did their best to douse the fire, because the thatch they saved might be their own.
But the crowd watching the burning embassy were doing so in a hollow–eyed, distant way, as if it was all taking place on some distant planet.
They moved aside automatically as Vimes elbowed his way through to the space in front of the gates. Flames were already licking from every groundfloor window, and they could make out scurrying silhouettes in the flickering light.
He turned to the crowd. ‘Come on! What’s up with you? Get a bucket chain going!’
‘It’s their bloody embassy,’ said a voice.
‘Yeah. ‘s Klatchian soil, right?’
‘Can’t go on Klatchian soil.’
‘That’d be an invasion, that would.’
‘They wouldn’t let us,’ said a small boy holding a bucket.
Vimes looked at the embassy gateway. There were a couple of guards. Their worried glances kept going back from the fire behind them to the crowd in front. They were nervous men, but it was much worse than that, because they were nervous men holding big swords.
He advanced on them, trying to smile and holding his badge out in front of him. It had a shield on it. It was not a very big shield.
‘Commander Vimes, Ankh–Morpork City Watch,’ he said, in what he hoped was a helpful and friendly voice.
A guard waved him away. ‘Hyou be off!’