License Invoked by Robert Asprin & Jody Lynn Nye

The laser beat her there. Green fire shot down from the overhead grid and sent knives of rainbow glory streaking outward to strike the farthest walls of the arena. Fionna stood bathed in the green light, rigid, with her hands by her sides.

“I have had more than enough,” she screamed. “Is me whole performance to be made a mockery because one incompetent little bint can’t keep her fokkin’ mind on her bleedin’ job?”

“Now, Fionna,” Nigel said, hurrying toward her, in full placatory mode. Fionna was in no mood to listen. She shouldered past him and kept going, right off the stage, down the steps and out of the arena. Nigel trotted along behind, almost wringing his hands as he tried to reason with her. He might as well have tried dealing with a hurricane in full blow.

“I am goin’ to tear her stupid head off her stupid shoulders and put it on me mantelpiece!” Fee raged, flinging her arms in grand gestures. “I am goin’ to bake her in a pie and serve her to Shakespeare repertory audiences!” Even though she was wearing six-inch stiletto heels, anger helped her outpace everyone except Lloyd Preston. His long legs had no trouble closing the distance to bring him to her side, and he kept the rest of them at bay.

Liz and Boo hurried at their heels like a pair of terriers. In all their years of school, Liz had seen Fee Kendale go off like this only once. It had also been on the occasion of a matter of incompetence, but it showed how stretched the other woman’s nerves were that she was reacting like a spoiled schoolgirl. The cacophony they made clattering through the hallway surprised a tour group on its way around the Superdome. A couple of the tourists recognized Fionna. One of them reached for a camera, but one glare from the ever-vigilant Lloyd distracted her from taking a picture until it was too late.

Not having had time to scope out the passage before Fionna set foot in it, Liz employed a little Earth power to sense around them, making certain there were no booby traps planted in their path. Luckily, the unseen enemy would have no reason to expect Fionna to come tearing out of the arena in that direction. Or would he?

* * *

Emotions were already high in the control room when Fionna burst in. The object of her fury cowered in the station behind the complex special effects board, eyeglasses gleaming owlishly in the fluorescent lights. Liz guessed from her red cheeks that Robbie had already been dressed down by Gary Lowe. Fionna marched up and glared down at her.

“Did you get up this mornin’ and say, `Today I think I’ll screw up everythin’ I touch’?” Fionna asked, in a tone so saccharine that it made Liz’s teeth hurt. “Here we are, with only hours before the biggest crowd we’ve seen in a year comes marchin’ in here, and you’re behavin’ as if you’ve only seen the equipment for the very first time!”

“I’m sorry,” Robbie began, but she didn’t stand a chance against the might of Hurricane Fee.

“There’s a lot of people you’re inconveniencing here, most of whom are pretendin’ they’re not as annoyed as they are. I’ve given you a lot of chances. You’ve broken the rhythm of the rehearsal. Do you know what that does to the band? To me? No, you haven’t a clue, have you? How did you ever hold down a responsible job before this?”

Someone snickered.

“And the rest of you needn’t think I’m forgettin’ about you,” Fionna said, spinning on her heel. She was right, Liz observed. Sheila Parker, at the sound desk, had a half smile curling up one side of her mouth that vanished when Fee glared at her. It was only human nature to be thankful at the discomfiture of others, as opposed to suffering it oneself. It was only a small step from there to enjoying the process. Fee was determined that no one was going to enjoy the lecture. “I know you’re tryin’, but it isn’t enough. You’re all professionals. We’ve got no time for screwin’ up. There’s a show in less than four hours! I’m countin’ on you all. This is a grand opportunity for the lot of us. A whole new audience, seein’ us live for the first time. Maybe for some this is the first concert that they’ve ever seen. Doesn’t that mean a thing to you? We want this to be right. We want to dazzle them; make it an event they’ll never forget.”

Liz was as caught by surprise as the rest of them. It was such a reasonable argument, appealing to their pride, their better nature, not the flat-out dressing down that she would have assumed Phoebe Kendale would have handed out. She’d grown up. Fionna Kenmare sounded like the CEO of a multinational corporation. Liz realized, with surprise at herself, that that was exactly what her old school friend had become. Green Fire’s music was sold in every country that had radio. Their revenue had to run to millions of pounds a year. Lord Kendale wasn’t too pleased with his daughter’s choice of causes to espouse, but he ought to be proud of the way she occupied the position she’d made for herself.

Fee was sweet and reasonable but stretched to the breaking point with everyone except the special effects coordinator, for whom Fee wouldn’t soften under any circumstances. The star swiveled back again to glare at Robbie. “That is, if you can manage to do your job when it really matters.”

“I know every cue in the concert,” Robbie said, who had been pushed all the way through fright to defiance. Her voice shook, but she stood her ground. “I know them forwards and backwards.”

“Yes, and so you’ve been telling me,” Fionna said dismissively, lifting a hand to study the green polish on her nails. Robbie’s complexion went from red to purple. It was an ugly contrast. “Too bad you’ve decided to do them backwards.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been messing up. I’ll make it right.”

“You bloody well better!” Fionna said, dropping her hands onto the back of the other woman’s chair and glaring at her. “Your job is to add to the spectacle, not be one. When you foul up you call attention to yourself. If that’s what you want to do, join the circus. I hear they’re always lookin’ for another clown.”

Robbie gasped. She looked around at the others watching her, hoping for a kind face. Her eyes brimming with hope, she met Lloyd’s gaze. He locked eyes with her, but kept his face carefully expressionless. Liz could tell he didn’t want to be part of this argument. No one sane would have. Robbie appealed silently to him, brows lifted.

“And you keep off Lloyd,” Fee added, not missing a thing. She interposed herself between the special effects engineer and her bodyguard. “He’s here for me, not you.”

That shot hit home. Robbie’s face flushed even redder. The girl seemed really to have thought no one else had noticed. Liz felt very sorry for her.

“We get along,” she said stoutly. “It’s not against the law for him to be nice to me.”

“So you don’t deny you’ve been trying to steal him!”

Robbie saw the trap, but much too late. It was unwise of her to attempt to justify her feelings. If she’d been smart, she wouldn’t have admitted to them at all. It gave Fionna another grievance she could level. Robbie shot out of her seat, standing as tall as she was able, but her voice betrayed how flustered she was.

“You’re wrong! I don’t have to steal him. I mean, I’m not trying to . . . There’s nothing you can do if there’s feelings involved! He only works for you. It’s a financial arrangement. Not like . . .”

“You’re trying to make out that there’s more going on than there is, you silly creature,” Fionna said, almost pityingly. “That in a minute I’m going to turn me back, and he’s going to sweep you off your feet like Prince Charming and ride away in a Lear jet, leaving me to weep. Well, you’re not a princess, missie. Nothing like.”

“No! If anyone’s the princess around here, it’s you!” Robbie shouted. “You waltz around like the high priestess of something, but you jump if a shadow crosses your path. I’m trying to do my job!”

“You are trying?” Fionna exclaimed, her eyes widening as her brogue thickened. “You can’t stay on cue! Your job is almost totally mechanized and you still screw it up! This is the dress rehearsal, damn yer sorry arse!” She flung a hand at the girl. “To hell with you. Those thousands of people are coming to hear my voice. Yer window dressin’. We’ll do it without effects if we have to!”

Turning like a model on the runway, Fionna stalked magnificently out of the room, followed by Lloyd. Nigel offered an apologetic glance to the crew, but he couldn’t look at Robbie.

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