The whole thing, I’m inclined to think, would have been off if it hadn’t been for Jeeves. There is no doubt that Jeeves is in a class of his own. In the matter of brain and resource I don’t think I have ever met a chappie so supremely like mother made. He trickled into my room one morning with a good old cup of tea, and intimated that there was something doing.
“Might I speak to you with regard to that matter of his grace, sir?”
“It’s all off. We’ve decided to chuck it.”
“Sir?”
“It won’t work. We can’t get anybody to come.”
“I fancy I can arrange that aspect of the matter, sir.”
“Do you mean to say you’ve managed to get anybody?”
“Yes, sir. Eighty-seven gentlemen from Birdsburg, sir.”
I sat up in bed and spilt the tea.
“Birdsburg?”
“Birdsburg, Missouri, sir.”
“How did you get them?”
“I happened last night, sir, as you had intimated that you would be absent from home, to attend a theatrical performance, and entered into conversation between the acts with the occupant of the adjoining seat. I had observed that he was wearing a somewhat ornate decoration in his buttonhole, sir—a large blue button with the words ‘Boost for Birdsburg’ upon it in red letters, scarcely a judicious addition to a gentleman’s evening costume. To my surprise I noticed that the auditorium was full of persons similarly decorated. I ventured to inquire the explanation, and was informed that these gentlemen, forming a party of eighty-seven, are a convention from a town of the name if Birdsburg, in the State of Missouri. Their visit, I gathered, was purely of a social and pleasurable nature, and my informant spoke at some length of the entertainments arranged for their stay in the city. It was when he related with a considerable amount of satisfaction and pride, that a deputation of their number had been introduced to and had shaken hands with a well-known prizefighter, that it occurred to me to broach the subject of his grace. To make a long story short, sir, I have arranged, subject to your approval, that the entire convention shall be presented to his grace to-morrow afternoon.”
I was amazed. This chappie was a Napoleon.
“Eighty-seven, Jeeves. At how much a head?”
“I was obliged to agree to a reduction for quantity, sir. The terms finally arrived at were one hundred and fifty dollars for the party.”
I thought a bit.
“Payable in advance?”
“No, sir. I endeavoured to obtain payment in advance, but was not successful.”
“Well, any way, when we get it I’ll make it up to five hundred. Bicky’ll never know. Do you suspect Mr. Bickersteth would suspect anything, Jeeves, if I made it up to five hundred?”
“I fancy not, sir. Mr. Bickersteth is an agreeable gentleman, but not bright.”
“All right, then. After breakfast run down to the bank and get me some money.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You know, you’re a bit of a marvel, Jeeves.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Right-o!”
“Very good, sir.”
When I took dear old Bicky aside in the course of the morning and told him what had happened he nearly broke down. He tottered into the sitting-room and buttonholed old Chiswick, who was reading the comic section of the morning paper with a kind of grim resolution.
“Uncle,” he said, “are you doing anything special to-morrow afternoon? I mean to say, I’ve asked a few of my pals in to meet you, don’t you know.”
The old boy cocked a speculative eye at him.
“There will be no reporters among them?”
“Reporters? Rather not! Why?”
“I refuse to be badgered by reporters. There were a number of adhesive young men who endeavoured to elicit from me my views on America while the boat was approaching the dock. I will not be subjected to this persecution again.”
“That’ll be absolutely all right, uncle. There won’t be a newspaper-man in the place.”
“In that case I shall be glad to make the acquaintance of your friends.”
“You’ll shake hands with them and so forth?”
“I shall naturally order my behaviour according to the accepted rules of civilized intercourse.”
Bicky thanked him heartily and came off to lunch with me at the club, where he babbled freely of hens, incubators, and other rotten things.