‘That’s because you’ve been hanging around the Mole; you’re getting used to a sick environment. I’m perfectly well, just a little tired.’
But she looked – smaller. As if something in her had dwindled away, as if she had dried up. It was almost – age. Yet not quite. Could their separation have done this much damage? He doubted it. His wife, since he had seen her last, had become frail, and he did not like this; despite his animosity he felt concern.
‘You better get a multiphasic,’ he said. ‘A complete check-up.’
‘Christ,’ Kathy said, ‘I’m okay. I mean, I’ll be okay, if you and I can iron out our misunderstanding and—’
‘The termination of a relationship,’ he said, ‘is not a misunderstanding. It’s a reorganization of life.’ He got his coffee cup and hers, filled both from the dispenser, paid the robant cashier.
When they had seated themselves at a table, Kathy lit a cigarette and said, ‘All right, suppose I admit it; without you I’m completely falling apart. Do you care?’
‘I care, but that doesn’t mean—’
‘You’d just let me fade away and perish.’
‘I have one sick man who occupies all my time and attention. I can’t heal you too.’ Especially, he thought, when I don’t genuinely want to.
‘But all you have to do is—’ She sighed, sipped her coffee glumly; her hand trembled, he noticed, in an almost pseudo Parkinsonism. ‘Nothing. Just accept me back. Then I’ll be well.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I frankly don’t believe it. You’re sicker than that; there’s some other cause.’ I’m not in the medical profession by mistake, he thought. I can spot a thoroughgoing illness pattern when I see it. But he could not diagnose it beyond that. ‘I think you know what ails you,’ he said bluntly. ‘You could tell me if you cared to. This makes me more wary than ever; you’re not telling me all that you should, you’re not being honest or responsible, and that’s a hell of a basis on which to—’
‘Okay!’ She stared at him. ‘I’m sick; I admit it! But let’s just say it’s my business; you don’t have to worry.’
‘I’d say,’ he said, ‘that there’s been neurological damage.’
Her head jerked; what color she had now drained from her face.
‘I think,’ he said suddenly, ‘that I’m going to do something I genuinely think may be premature and overly drastic, but I’ll try it and see what comes of it. I’m going to have you arrested.’
‘Good God why?’ Panic stricken, she gazed at him, now speechless; her hands lifted in defense, then fell back.
He rose, walked over to a cafeteria employee. ‘Miss,’ he said, ‘would you have a Secret Service man come to my table?’ He pointed to his table.
‘Yes sir,’ the woman said, blinking but unperturbed. She turned to a busboy who, without further discussion, scampered off into the kitchen.
Eric returned to his table, reseated himself opposite Kathy. He resumed sipping his coffee, trying to keep himself calm and at the same time bracing himself for the scene that lay ahead. ‘My rationale,’ he said, ‘is that it’s for your own good. Of course I don’t know yet. But I think it’ll turn out that way. And I think you know it.’
Blanched, wizened with fright, Kathy implored. ‘I’lll leave. Eric; I’ll go back to San Diego – okay?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘You got yourself into this by coming here; you made it my business. So you’ll have to suffer the consequences. As they say.’ He felt completely rational and in control; it was a bad situation but he sensed the possibilities of something imminent which was far worse.
Kathy said huskily, ‘Okay, Eric. I’ll tell you what it is. I’ve got myself addicted to JJ-180. That’s the drug I told you about, the drug we all, including Marm Hastings, took. Now you know. I have nothing more to say; that covers it. And I’ve taken it once since. And just one exposure is addicting. As you no doubt realize; after all, you are a doctor.’
‘Who else knows?’
‘Jonas Ackerman.’
‘You got it through Tijuana Fur & Dye? From our subsidiary?’
‘Y-yes.’ She did not meet his gaze. Presently she added, That’s why Jonas knows; he got it for me – but don’t tell anybody that. Please.’
Eric said, ‘I won’t.’ His mind had begun to function properly again, thank God. Was this the drug which Don Festenburg had obliquely referred to? The term JJ-180 roused dormant memories; he tried to straighten them out. ‘You made a hell of a mistake,’ he said, ‘from what I remember hearing about Frohedadrine, as it’s also called. Yes, Hazeltine makes it.’
At the table a Secret Service man appeared. ‘Yes, doctor?’
‘I just wanted to inform you that this woman is my wife, as she says. And I’d like to have her cleared to remain here with me.’
‘All right, doctor. We’ll run a routine security probe on her. But I’m certain it’s okay.’ The Secret Service man nodded and departed.
‘Thanks,’ Kathy said presently.
‘I consider addiction to such a toxic drug a major illness,’ Eric said. ‘In this day and age worse than cancer or a massive cardiac arrest. It’s obvious I can’t dump you. You’ll probably have to enter a hospital; you’re probably aware of that already. I’ll contact Hazeltine, find out all they know … but you understand it may be hopeless.’
‘Yes.’ She ducked her head in a spasmodic nod.
‘Anyhow, you seem to have a great deal of courage.’ He reached out, took hold of her hand; it was dry and cold. Lifeless. He let it go. ‘That has always been one thing I’ve admired in you – you’re not a coward. Of course that’s how you got yourself into this in the first place, by having the guts to try some new substance. Well, so now we’re back together.’ Glued fast to each other by your possibly fatal drug habit, he thought with morose despair. What a reason to resume our marriage. It was just a little too much for him.
‘You’re a good egg, too,’ Kathy said.
‘Do you have any more of the stuff?’
She hesitated. ‘N-no.’
‘You’re lying.’
‘I won’t give it up. I’d rather leave you and try to make it on my own.’ Her fear had become, momentarily, obstinate defiance. ‘Look, if I’m hooked on JJ-180 I can’t give you the supply I possess – that’s what it means to be hooked! I don’t want to take any more; I have to take it. Anyhow, there’s not much.’ She shuddered. ‘It makes me wish I were dead; that goes without saying. God, I don’t know how I got myself into this.’
‘What’s the experience like? I understand it involves time.’
‘Yes, you lose your fixed point of reference; you pass easily back and forth. What I’d like to do is put myself at the service of someone or something, find a use for the period that I’m in the hands of. Could the Secretary use me? Eric, maybe I could get us out of the war; I could warn Mplinari before he signs the Pact of Peace.’ Her eyes glowed with hope. ‘Isn’t it worth trying?’
‘Maybe so.’ However, he recalled Festenburg’s statements on the subject; perhaps Molinari had use of JJ-180 already. But the Mole clearly had not tried – or been able – to find a route back to pre-pact days. Perhaps the drug affected each person uniquely. Many stimulant, hallucinogenic drugs did.
‘Can I get access to him through you?’ Kathy asked.
‘I – suppose so.’ But something sprang to life inside him and made him wary. ‘It would take time. Right now he’s recovering from the kidney operation, as you seem to know.’
She shook her head then, nodding with pain. ‘Jesus, I feel awful, Eric. Like I’m not going to survive. You know… impending disaster. Give me a bunch of tranquilizers; it might help a little.’ She held out her hand and again he saw How badly it shook. Even worse, it seemed, than before.
‘I’ll put you in the building’s infirmary,’ he decided, rising to his feet. ‘For the time being. While I figure out what to do. I’d prefer not to give you any medication, though; it might further potentiate the drug. With a new substance you never—’
Kathy broke in, ‘Want to know what I did, Eric, while you were off getting the Secret Service? I dropped a cap of JJ-180 into your coffee cup. Don’t laugh; I’m serious. It’s true, and you’ve drunk it. So you’re addicted now. The effects should begin any time; you’d better get out of this cafeteria and to your own conapt, because they’re enormous.’ Her voice was flat and drab. ‘I did it because I thought you were going to have me arrested; you said you were and I believed you. So it’s your own fault. I’m sorry … I wish I hadn’t, but anyhow now you have a motive for curing me; you’ve got to find a solution. I just couldn’t depend on your sheer goodwill; we’ve had too much trouble between us. Isn’t that so?’