Rincewind was beginning to have the glimmerings of a suspicion about those suits.
In front of them .was a table covered with celestial charts and scraps of parchment covered with figures. Whoever would be wearing those suits, Rincewind decided, was expecting to boldly go where no man – other than the occasional luckless sailor, who didn’t really count – had boldly gone before, and he was now beginning to get not just a suspicion but a horrible premonition.
He turned round and found Twoflower looking at him with a speculative expression.
‘No-‘ began Rincewind, urgently. Twoflower ignored him.
‘The goddess said two men were going to be sent over the Edge,’ he said, his eyes gleaming, ‘and you remember Tethis the troll saying you’d need some kind of protection? The Krullians have got over that. These are suits of space armour.’
‘They don’t look very roomy to me,’ said Rincewind hurriedly, and grabbed the tourist by the arm, ‘so if you’d just come on, no sense in staying here-‘
‘Why must you always panic?’ asked Twoflower petulantly.
‘Because the whole of my future life just flashed in front of my eyes, and it didn’t take very long, Side 129
Pratchett, Terry – Discworld 01 – The Colour of Magic and if you don’t move now I’m going to leave without you because any second now you’re going to suggest that we put on-‘
The door opened.
Two husky young men stepped into the room. All they were wearing was a pair of woollen pants apiece. One of them was still towelling himself briskly. They both nodded at the two escapees with no apparent surprise.
The taller of the two men sat down on one of the benches in front of the seats. He beckoned to Rincewind, and said:
‘? Ty0 yur atl h0 sooten gatrunen?’
And this was awkward, because although Rincewind considered himself an expert in most of the tongues of the western segments of the Disc it was the first time that he had ever been addressed in Krullian, and he did not understand one word of it.
Neither did Twoflower, but that did not stop him stepping forward and taking a breath.
The speed of light through a magical aura such as the one that surrounded the Disc was quite slow, being not much faster than the speed of sound in less highly-tuned universes. But it was still the fastest thing around with the exception, in moments like this, of Rincewind’s mind.
In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language.
Rincewind’s elbow shot back, knocking the breath from Twoflower’s body. When the little man looked up in pain and astonishment Rincewind caught his eye and pulled an imaginary tongue out of his mouth and cut it with an imaginary pair of scissors.
The second chelonaut- for such was the profession of the men whose fate it would shortly be to voyage to Great A’Tuin – looked up from the chart table and watched this in puzzlement. His big heroic brow wrinkled with the effort of speech.
‘? Hor yu latruin nor u?’ he said.
Rincewind smiled and nodded and pushed Twoflower in his general direction. With an inward sigh of relief he saw the tourist pay sudden attention to a big brass telescope that lay on the table.
‘! Sooten u!’ commanded the seated chelonaut.
Rincewind nodded and smiled and took one of the big copper helmets from the rack and brought it down on the man’s head as hard as he possibly could. The chelonaut fell forward with a soft grunt.
The other man took one startled step before Twoflower hit him amateurishly but effectively Side 130
Pratchett, Terry – Discworld 01 – The Colour of Magic with the telescope. He crumpled on top of his colleague.
Rincewind and Twoflower looked at each other over the carnage.
‘All right!’ snapped Rincewind, aware that he had lost some kind of contest but not entirely certain what it was. ‘Don’t bother to say it.
Someone out there is expecting these two guys to come out in the suits in a minute. I suppose they thought we were slaves. Help me hide these behind the drapes and then, and then-‘
‘-we’d better suit up,’ said Twoflower, picking up the second helmet.
‘Yes,’ said Rincewind. ‘You know, as soon as I saw the suits I just knew I’d end up wearing one.
Don’t ask me how I knew – I suppose it was because it was just about the worst possible thing that was likely to happen.’
‘Well, you said yourself we have no way of escaping,’ said Twoflower, his voice muffled as he pulled the top half of a suit over his head.
‘Anything’s better than being sacrificed.’
‘As soon as we get a chance we run for it,’ said Rincewind. ‘Don’t get any ideas.’
He thrust an arm savagely into his suit and banged his head on the helmet. He reflected briefly that someone up there was watching over him.
‘Thanks a lot,’ he said bitterly.
At the very edge of the city and country of Krull was a large semicircular amphitheatre, with seating for several tens of thousands of people. The arena was only semi-circular for the very elegant reason that it overlooked the cloud sea that boiled up from the Rimfall, far below, and now every seat was occupied. And the crowd was growing restive.
It had come to see a double sacrifice and also the launching of the great bronze space ship. Neither event had yet materialised.
The Arch-Astronomer beckoned the Master Launchcontroller to him.
‘Well?’ he said, filling a mere four letters with a full lexicon of anger and menace. The Master Launchcontroller went pale.
‘No news, lord,’ said the Launchcontroller, and added with a brittle brightness, ‘except that your prominence will be pleased to hear that Garhartra has recovered.’
‘That is a fact he may come to regret,’ said the Arch-Astronomer.
‘Yes, lord.’
‘How much longer do we have?’
Side 131
Pratchett, Terry – Discworld 01 – The Colour of Magic The Launchcontroller glanced at the rapidly-climbing sun.
‘Thirty minutes, your prominence. After that Krull will have revolved away from Great A’Tuin’s tail and the Potent Voyager will be doomed to spin away into the interterrapene gulf. I have already set the automatic controls, so-‘
‘All right, all right,’ the Arch-Astronomer said, waving him away. ‘The launch must go ahead.
Maintain the watch on the harbour, of course.
When the wretched pair are caught I will personally take a great deal of pleasure in executing them myself.’
‘Yes, lord. Er-‘
The Arch-Astronomer frowned. ‘What else have you got to say, man?’
The Launchcontroller swallowed. All this was very unfair on him, he was a practical magician rather than a diplomat, and that was why some wiser brains had seen to it that he would be the one to pass on the news.
‘A monster has come out of the sea and it’s attacking the ships in the harbour,’ he said. ‘A runner just arrived from there.’
‘A big monster?’ said the Arch-Astronomer.
‘Not particularly, although it is said to be exceptionally fierce, lord.’
The ruler of Krull and the Circumfence considered this for a moment, then shrugged.
‘The sea is full of monsters,’ he said.’It is one of its prime attributes. Have it dealt with. AndMaster Launchcontroller?’
‘Lord?’
‘If I am further vexed, you will recall that two people are due to be sacrificed. I may feel generous and increase the number.’
‘Yes, lord.’The Master Launchcontroller scuttled away, relieved to be out of the autocrat’s sight.
The Potent Voyager, no longer the blank bronze shell that had been smashed from the mould a few days earlier, rested in its cradle on top of a wooden tower in the centre of the arena. In front of it a railway ran down towards the Edge, where for the space of a few yards it turned suddenly upwards.
The late Dactylos Goldeneyes, who had designed the launching pad as well as the Potent Voyager itself, had claimed that this last touch was merely to ensure that the ship would not snag on any rocks as it began its long plunge. Maybe it was merely coincidental that it would also, because of that little twitch in the track, leap like a salmon and shine theatrically in the sunlight before disappearing Side 132
Pratchett, Terry – Discworld 01 – The Colour of Magic into the cloud sea.
There was a fanfare of trumpets at the edge of the arena. The chelonauts’ honour guard appeared, to much cheering from the crowd. Then the whitesuited explorers themselves stepped out into the light.
It immediately dawned on the Arch-Astronomer that something was wrong. Heroes always walked in a certain way, for example. They certainly didn’t waddle, and one of the chelonauts was definitely waddling.
The roar of the assembled people of Krull was deafening. As the chelonauts and their guards crossed the great arena, passing between the many altars that had been set up for the various wizards and priests of Krull’s many sects to ensure the success of the launch, the Arch-Astronomer frowned.