“Thank you, thank you, O Most Generous and Thoughtful One!” chorused the ancient witches. “Not one drop will be wasted! Each of us will promise to squish and squallop and squiggle one thousand children!”
“Our meeting is over!” announced The Grand High Witch. “Here is the time-table for the rrreemainder of your stay in this hotel.
“Rrright now, vee must all go out on to the Sunshine Terrace and have tea vith that rrridiculous Manager.
“Next, at six o’clock tonight, those vitches who are too old to climb trees after grrruntles’ eggs vill rrree-port to my rrroom to rrree-ceive two bottles each of Mouse-Maker. My rrroom number is 454. Do not forget it.
“Then, at eight o’clock, all of you vill assemble in the Dining-Rrroom for supper. Vee are the lovely ladies of the RSPCC and they are setting up two long tables specially for us. But do not forget to put the cotton plugs up your noses. That Dining-Rrroom vill be full of filthy little children and vithout the nose-plugs the stink vill be unbearrrable. Apart from that, rrree-member to behave normally at all times. Is everything clear? Any questions?”
“I have one question, Your Grandness,” said a voice in the audience. “What happens if one of the chocolates we are giving away in our shops gets eaten by a grown-up?”
“That’s just too bad for the grrrown-up,” said The Grand High Witch. “This meeting is over!” she shouted. “Out you go!”
The witches stood up and began gathering their things together. I was watching them through the crack and hoping to heaven they would hurry up and leave so that I might be safe at last.
“Wait!” shrieked one of the witches in the back row. “Hold everything!” Her shrieking voice echoed through the Ballroom, like a trumpet. All the witches suddenly stopped and turned and looked towards the speaker. She was one of the taller witches and I could see her standing there with her head tilted back and her nose in the air and she was sucking in great long breaths of air through those curvy pink sea-shelly nostrils of hers.
“Wait!” she shouted again.
“What is it?” the others cried out.
“Dogs’ droppings!” she yelled. “Just then I got a whiff of dogs’ droppings!”
“Surely not!” the others shouted. “There couldn’t be!”
“Yes yes!” shouted the first witch. “There it is again! It’s not strong! But it’s there! I mean it’s here! It’s definitely somewhere not too far away!”
“Vot’s going on down there?” shouted The Grand High Witch, glaring down from the platform.
“Mildred’s just got a whiff of dogs’ droppings, Your Grandness!” someone called back to her.
“Vot rrrubbish is this?” shouted The Grand High Witch. “She has dogs’ drrroppings on the brain! There are no children in this rrroom!”
“Hang on!” cried the witch called Mildred. “Hang on everybody! Don’t move! I’m getting it again!” Her huge curvy nose-holes were waving in and out like a pair of fish-tails. “It’s getting stronger! It’s hitting me harder now! Can’t the rest of you smell it?”
All the noses of all the witches in that room went up in the air, and all the nostrils began to suck and sniff.
“She’s right!” cried another voice. “She’s absolutely right! Dogs’ droppings it is, strong and foul!”
In a matter of seconds, the entire assembly of witches had taken up the dreaded cry of dogs’ droppings. “Dogs’ droppings!” they shouted. “The room is full of it! Poo! Poo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo! Why did we not smell it before? It stinks like a sewer! Some little swine must be hiding not so very far away from here!”
“Find it!” screamed The Grand High Witch. “Trrrack it down! Rrrootle it out! Follow your noses till you get it!”
The hairs on my head were standing up like the bristles of a nailbrush and a cold sweat was breaking out all over me.
“Rrrootle it out, this small lump of dung!” screeched The Grand High Witch. “Don’t let it escape! If it is in here it has observed the most secret things! It must be exterrrminated immediately!”
Metamorphosis
I remember thinking to myself, There is no escape for me now! Even if I make a run for it and manage to dodge the lot of them, I still won’t get out because the doors are chained and locked! I’m finished! I’m done for! Oh Grandmamma, what are they going to do to me?