“Do you know what’s special about him?”
I shook my head.
“Mr. Howland,” Elaine said, smiling more widely than ever, “is one of only five residents left at Georgia Pines who have permission to smoke. That’s because he was a resident before the rules changed.”
A grandfather clause, I thought. And what place was more fitted for one than an old-age home?
She reached into the pocket of her blue-and-white-striped dress and pulled two items partway out: a cigarette and a book of matches. “Thief of green, thief red,” she sang in a lilting, funny voice. “Little Ellie’s going to wet the bed.”
“Elaine, what – ”
“Walk an old girl downstairs,” she said, putting the cigarette and matches back into her pocket and taking my arm in one of her gnarled hands. We began to walk back down the hall. As we did, I decided to give up and put myself in her hands. She was old and brittle, but not stupid.
As we went down, walking with the glassy care of the relics we have now become, Elaine said: “Wait at the foot. I’m going over to the west wing, to the hall toilet there. You know the one I mean, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said. “The one just outside the spa. But why?”
“I haven’t had a cigarette in over fifteen years,” she said, “but I feel like one this morning. I don’t know how many puffs it’ll take to set off the smoke detector in there, but I intend to find out.”
I looked at her with dawning admiration, thinking how much she reminded me of my wife – Jan might have done exactly the same thing. Elaine looked back at me, smiling her saucy imp’s smile. I cupped my hand around the back of her lovely long neck, drew her face to mine, and kissed her mouth lightly. “I love you, Ellie,” I said.
“Oooh, such big talk,” she said, but I could tell she was pleased.
“What about Chuck Howland?” I asked. “Is he going to get in trouble?”
“No, because he’s in the TV room, watching Good Morning America with about two dozen other folks.
And I’m going to make myself scarce as soon as the smoke detector turns on the west-wing fire alarm.”
“Don’t you fall down and hurt yourself, woman. I’d never forgive myself if – ”
“Oh, stop your fussing,” she said, and this time she kissed me. Love among the ruins. It probably sounds funny to some of you and grotesque to the rest of you, but I’ll tell you something, my friend: weird love’s better than no love at all.
I watched her walk away, moving slowly and stiffly (but she will only use a cane on wet days, and only then if the pain is terrible; it’s one of her vanities), and waited. Five minutes went by, then ten, and just as I was deciding she had either lost her courage or discovered that the battery of the smoke detector in the toilet was dead, the fire alarm went off in the west wing with a loud, buzzing burr.
I started toward the kitchen at once, but slowly – there was no reason to hurry until I was sure Dolan was out of my way. A gaggle of old folks, most still in their robes, came out of the TV room (here it’s called the Resource Center; now that’s grotesque) to see what was going on. Chuck Howland was among them, I was happy to see.
“Edgecombe!” Kent Avery rasped, hanging onto his walker with one hand and yanking obsessively at the crotch of his pajama pants with the other. “Real alarm or just another falsie? What do you think?”
“No way of knowing, I guess,” I said.
Just about then three orderlies went trotting past, all headed for the west wing, yelling at the folks clustered around the TV-room door to go outside and wait for the all-clear. The third in line was Brad Dolan. He didn’t even look at me as he went past, a fact that pleased me to no end. As I went on down toward the kitchen, it occurred to me that the team of Elaine Connelly and Paul Edgecombe would probably be a match for a dozen Brad Dolans, with half a dozen Percy Wetmores thrown in for good measure.