“That’s your world, eh, Aub?” Clifford said.
Aub made a wide circular motion with his arm. “No way, man. The whole world’s still out there any time I want to use it, only this way they can’t take any of it away. I can enjoy a swim without having to buy the Pacific.” He thought for a moment, then added: “Did you know that 12 percent of all suicides are people with over a million bucks? I’m not taking any chances.”
Clifford pursed his lips. “The logic doesn’t follow,” he said. “You’re taking a big risk the way you’re going.”
“Huh—how come?”
“Because that means that 88 percent must be people with under a million,” Clifford answered with a grin. “Try thinking about it that way.”
Aub roared with laughter and slapped his thigh.
“I like that. But don’t get carried away—figures can lie.”
“And liars can figure,” Sarah came in, looking pointedly at her husband. “I’m just about to start dinner. I’ll make it for three . . . chicken okay, Aub?”
“You’ve talked me into it. How can a man argue with that kind of persuasion?”
“Oh, dear,” Sarah sighed apprehensively. “I can see I’m going to have problems with you two.”
“Never mind her, Aub,” Clifford said. “Have another drink.”
“Big problems,” Sarah decided, and got up to go into the kitchen.
* * *
“So what could they do?” Aub rested his elbows on the table amid the dinner debris and spread his palms upward. “They’re three miles from the road, their car’s gone, all their clothes are gone . . . man, it’s a problem.” Sarah wiped a tear from her cheek and tried to stifle a giggle. Clifford spluttered over his coffee and placed the cup unsteadily back on his saucer.
“So what happened?” he asked.
“Well, they had to hike it back to the road . . . that or stay out there and start Adam and Eve again all over, and Robbie never really had much time for any of that kinda thing.”
“What—all through the forest?” Sarah said disbelievingly. “Without any clothes on at all?”
“What else could they do?” Aub demanded. “Like I said, they couldn’t stay out there forever. Anyhow, that wasn’t the really funny part. When they got to the road, they stumbled on it all of a sudden—there was this kinda wall of bushes and greenery and stuff, and when they went into it and came out the other side, there they were, right out on the road with traffic going past with heads going round inside . . . real crazy.” Aub held up a hand to stop Clifford and Sarah’s laughter from rising any higher for a second. “And right in front of them were these two ladies—you know the kind, about middle-aged, hair done up in buns, thick tweed skirts, that kinda thing—obviously teachers since they had this bunch of schoolkids all tagging along behind . . .”
“Oh, no!” Sarah shrieked. “I don’t believe it.”
“Really . . .” Aub grinned and nodded emphatically. “So here’s these two good ladies, very staid and proper, taking all these nice kids for a walk out in the country . . .” he started to laugh himself, “and suddenly the bushes open up and out comes Robbie and this girl, both naked as the day they were born and holding hands . . .” Aub paused, giving the picture time to register, then changed his tone abruptly. “What would you have said? You’ve got five seconds which is all Robbie had.”
“Wha . . . I dunno . . .” Clifford shrugged helplessly. “What is there to . . .”
“Time’s up,” Aub announced. “Know what Robbie said? Talk about quick thinking. . . he said, absolutely seriously and with his face dead calm: ‘Excuse me, but have you seen a flying saucer parked around here? We seem to have lost ours.’ ”
Clifford and Sarah collapsed in hysterics. Aub joined in and added between gaspings for breath: “And Robbie swore they believed it. He said one of them—very concerned—suggested that he ought to contact the Air Force. The other one wanted to know where they came from. Robbie told them: ‘Venus, but we always come here for a holiday because it gets too cloudy there.’ “