The Genius by Theodore Dreiser

“But, my dear, you don’t know life,” said Eugene. “It will hurt you. It will grind you to pieces in all places outside of New York. This is the Metropolis. It is a world city. Things are not quite the same here, but you will have to pretend, anyhow. It is so much easier.”

“Can you protect me?” she asked significantly, referring to the condition Angela pleaded. “I wouldn’t want—I couldn’t, you know, not yet, not yet.”

“I understand,” he said. “Yes, I can, absolutely.”

“Well, I want to think about it,” she said again. “I prefer so much to be honest about it. I would so much rather just tell mama, and then go and do it. It would be so much nicer. My life is my own to do with as I please. It doesn’t concern anybody, not even mama. You know, if I want to waste it, I may, only I don’t think that I am doing so. I want to live as I choose. I don’t want to get married yet.”

Eugene listened to her with the feeling that this was the most curious experience of his life. He had never heard, never seen, never experienced anything like it. The case of Christina Channing was different. She had her art to consider. Suzanne had nothing of the sort. She had a lovely home, a social future, money, the chance of a happy, stable, normal life. This was love surely, and yet he was quite at sea. Still so many favorable things had happened, consciously favorable, that he was ready to believe that all this was intended for his benefit by a kind, governing providence.

Angela had practically given in already. Why not Suzanne’s mother? Angela would not tell her anything. Mrs. Dale was not any stronger than Angela apparently. Suzanne might be able to control her as she said. If she was so determined to try, could he really stop her? She was headstrong in a way and wilful, but developing rapidly and reasoning tremendously. Perhaps she could do this thing. Who could tell? They came flying back along lovely lanes where the trees almost swept their faces, past green stretches of marsh where the wind stirred in ripples the tall green cat grass, past pretty farm yards, with children and ducks in the foreground, beautiful mansions, playing children, sauntering laborers. All the while they were reassuring each other, vowing perfect affection, holding each other close. Suzanne, as Angela had, loved to take Eugene’s face between her hands and look into his eyes.

“Look at me,” she said once when he had dolefully commented upon the possibility of change. “Look straight into my eyes. What do you see?”

“Courage and determination,” he said.

“What else?”

“Love.”

“Do you think I will change?”

“No.”

“Surely?”

“No.”

“Well, look at me straight, Eugene. I won’t. I won’t, do you hear? I’m yours until you don’t want me anymore. Now will you be happy?”

“Yes,” he said.

“And when we get our studio,” she went on.

“When we get our studio,” he said, “we’ll furnish it perfectly, and entertain a little after a while, maybe. You’ll be my lovely Suzanne, my Flower Face, my Myrtle Blossom. Helen, Circe, Dianeme.”

“I’ll be your week-end bride,” she laughed, “your odd or even girl, whichever way the days fall.”

“If it only comes true,” he exclaimed when they parted. “If it only does.”

“Wait and see,” she said. “Now you wait and see.”

The days passed and Suzanne began what she called her campaign. Her first move was to begin to talk about the marriage question at the dinner table, or whenever she and her mother were alone, and to sound her on this important question, putting her pronouncements on record. Mrs. Dale was one of those empirical thinkers who love to philosophize generally, but who make no specific application of anything to their own affairs. On this marriage question she held most liberal and philosophic views for all outside her own immediate family. It was her idea, outside her own family, of course, that if a girl having reached maturity, and what she considered a sound intellectual majority, and who was not by then satisfied with the condition which matrimony offered, if she loved no man desperately enough to want to marry him and could arrange some way whereby she could satisfy her craving for love without jeopardizing her reputation, that was her lookout. So far as Mrs. Dale was concerned, she had no particular objection. She knew women in society, who, having made unfortunate marriages, or marriages of convenience, sustained some such relationship to men whom they admired. There was a subtle, under the surface understanding outside the society circles of the most rigid morality in regard to this, and there was the fast set, of which she was at times a welcome member, which laughed at the severe conventions of the older school. One must be careful—very. One must not be caught. But, otherwise, well, every person’s life was a law unto him or herself.

Suzanne never figured in any of these theories, for Suzanne was a beautiful girl, capable of an exalted alliance, and her daughter. She did not care to marry her off to any wretched possessor of great wealth or title, solely for wealth’s or title’s sake, but she was hoping that some eligible young man of excellent social standing or wealth, or real personal ability, such, for instance, as Eugene possessed, would come along and marry Suzanne. There would be a grand wedding at a church of some prominence,—St. Bartholomew’s, very likely; a splendid wedding dinner, oceans of presents, a beautiful honeymoon. She used to look at Suzanne and think what a delightful mother she would make. She was so young, robust, vigorous, able, and in a quiet way, passionate. She could tell when she danced how eagerly she took life. The young man would come. It would not be long. These lovely springtimes would do their work one of these days. As it was, there were a score of men already who would have given an eye to attract Suzanne’s attention, but Suzanne would none of them. She seemed shy, coy, elusive, but above all, shy. Her mother had no idea of the iron will all this concealed any more than she had of the hard anarchic, unsocial thoughts that were surging in her daughter’s brain.

“Do you think a girl ought to marry at all, mama?” Suzanne asked her one evening when they were alone together, “if she doesn’t regard marriage as a condition she could endure all her days?”

“No-o,” replied her mother. “What makes you ask?”

“Well, you see so much trouble among married people that we know. They’re not very happy together. Wouldn’t it be better if a person just stayed single, and if they found someone that they could really love, well, they needn’t necessarily marry to be happy, need they?”

“What have you been reading lately, Suzanne?” asked her mother, looking up with a touch of surprise in her eyes.

“Nothing lately. What makes you ask?” said Suzanne wisely, noting the change in her mother’s voice.

“With whom have you been talking?”

“Why, what difference does that make, mama? I’ve heard you express precisely the same views?”

“Quite so. I may have. But don’t you think you’re rather young to be thinking of things like that? I don’t say all that I think when I’m arguing things philosophically. There are conditions which govern everything. If it were impossible for a girl to marry well, or if looks or lack of money interfered,—there are plenty of reasons—a thing like that might possibly be excusable, but why should you be thinking of that?”

“Why, it doesn’t necessarily follow, mama, that because I am good looking, or have a little money, or am socially eligible, that I should want to get married. I may not want to get married at all. I see just as well as you do how things are with most people. Why shouldn’t I? Do I have to keep away from every man, then?”

“Why, Suzanne! I never heard you argue like this before. You must have been talking with someone or reading some outré book of late. I wish you wouldn’t. You are too young and too good looking to entertain any such ideas. Why, you can have nearly any young man you wish. Surely you can find someone with whom you can live happily or with whom you would be willing to try. It’s time enough to think about the other things when you’ve tried and failed. At least you can give yourself ample time to learn something about life before you begin to talk such nonsense. You’re too young. Why it’s ridiculous.”

“Mama,” said Suzanne, with the least touch of temper, “I wish you wouldn’t talk to me like that. I’m not a child any more. I’m a woman. I think like a woman—not like a girl. You forget that I have a mind of my own and some thoughts. I may not want to get married. I don’t think I do. Certainly not to any of the silly creatures that are running after me now. Why shouldn’t I take some man in an independent way, if I wish? Other women have before me. Even if they hadn’t, it would be no reason why I shouldn’t. My life is my own.”