“I m glad to see the values of marriage haven’t been lost on you, Zaphod,” said Arthur, trying to decide between a mirror and a box of matches.
“Now this is the sort of thing I’ve been looking for,” said Zaphod, leaving his other head to ponder the expected turnover of his wedding. “This Neutron-Breaking Desolation Ray Gun will do for a start.”
“I don’t know why you’re all bothering with this,” observed Marvin.
“Zark off, Marvin,” said Ford, grabbing a bag of gold coins. “Do something useful.”
“I’m going for a walk,” said Marvin.
“Very useful, thanks a bundle,” shouted Arthur.
“Okay,” said Zaphod. “I’ve got the Ray Gun, the heat seeking Davy knife, the laser spear and that murder grenade over there, if you could pass it to me, Ford.”
“Sounds like you’re about to embark on what the Americans on Earth used to call a ‘Peace Keeping Exercise’,” said Arthur.
Ford threw the grenade to Zaphod who held his hand out to catch it and was blown across the room on contact.
“You can only carry three items,” came a synthesised voice.
“Okay, okay,” said Zaphod, stunned. “I got your message, I’ll leave the grenade behind.”
“I’m taking a towel, a bag of gold coins and a blast gun,” said Ford, looking for the voice. “That’s all, honest.”
“I think I’ll take a blast gun as well, plus a mirror,” said Arthur. “And I’ve found a copy of the Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy here. It’s helped me in all my travels so far.”
“Very touching,” said Zaphod. “I’ll sue the bastards for unlawful use of the Guide without the Editor’s permission.”
“Are we going to save the Universe or draw up a law suit against the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation?” Asked Ford.
“Right, troops,” said Zaphod. “Let’s keep a tight formation, Arthur, cover our backs, Ford, watch for snipers. Okay, wagons roll!”
“Excuse me, Zaphod,” said Ford, as Zaphod stuck his chest out in preparation for a non-existent swell from an orchestra. “Don’t you think we should have a plan?”
“Aw, belgium man,” cried Zaphod. “You ruined a great moment.”
“It was hardly MGM,” pointed out Arthur, none too happy about covering the back, as the last man always got jumped by the Indians.
“Okay, okay, guys,” said Zaphod, putting his heads together. “Let’s do some brainstorming.”
“We’d be lucky if you could muster a light drizzle, Zaphod.” Ford felt quite proud of that one.
“Shush,” said Zaphod, closing his eyes in a poor attempt to look like he was concentrating. “Ideas, guys, ideas. Arthur?”
“Well if we have to disable the computer,” he started, unsure as to whether he would be able to finish. “When we reach the computer, couldn’t we just pull the plug?”
“Come on, Arthur,” sighed Ford. “We’re not dealing with a 13 amp three pin here.”
“Well you asked,” said Arthur.
“We all make mistakes,” said Zaphod. “Ford?”
“We could plug Marvin into it,” offered Ford. “Get him to do his version of ‘Reasons to be Miserable’. That would destroy anything.”
“Possible back up but not spectacular enough,” mused Zaphod. “How does this sound? We enter the ventilation system and crawl through the pipes until we reach the computer suite. Then we swoop! We swing down on ropes, screaming in from the sun, well, fluorescent lighting, then pow! Boom! Bang! Swoosh! Kerrang! Bash! Smash! Crunch! A couple more pows and one final boom! Guns ablazing, we destroy the databanks, scorch the CPU and terminate the terminals. Now that’s what I call debugging! Strategists will re-enact it for eons to come. ‘Zaphod Computer Killer Kits’ will be available from all good stockists. Kids will walk around wearing tee shirts emblazoned with ‘Now that’s what I call debugging’ and ‘Zaphod say debug, don’t do it’. I’ll make a fortune.”
“Where do we get the ropes?” Asked Arthur. “I don’t see any here.”
“And if we did have them, where do we tie them to when we swoop?” Furthered Ford. “Do we say ‘Excuse me, computer suite guards, could you just look the other way for five minutes while we tie our ropes up so we can do a surprise swooping attack?’ Very plausible.”
“Boom, pow, no mercy, death to the diodes, murder those microchips….” Zaphod paused, stopped swiping his fist into the palm of one of his other hands, looked at Ford and Arthur then dropped his heads. He lowered his voice to it’s most disappointed level. “Okay, we’ll use Marvin. Where is he?”