‘In any case,’ Vandenbergh put in soothingly, ‘Hazel got the boys off. When I heard about it, I expected that they would have to pay the duty at least. You young fellows must have made quite a tidy profit’
‘We did all right,’ Castor admitted.
‘Nothing spectacular,’ Pollux hedged.
‘Figure it up,’ Hazel said happily, ‘hecause I am going to collect a fee from you of exactly two-thirds your net profit for getting your necks out of a bight.’
The twins stared at her. ‘Hazel, you wouldn’t?’ Castor said uncertainly.
‘Wouldn’t I!’
‘Don’t tease them, Mother,’ Dr Stone suggested.
‘I’m not teasing. I want this to be a lesson to them. Boys, anybody who sits in a game without knowing the house rules is a sucker. Time you knew it.’
Vandenbergh put in smoothly, ‘It doesn’t matter too much these days when the government —’ He stopped suddenly. ‘What in the world!’
‘What’s the matter, Van?’ demanded Roger. Vandenbergh’s face cleared and he grinned sheepishly. ‘Nothing. Just your flat cat crawling up my leg. For a moment I thought I had wandered into your television show.’
Roger Stone shook his head. ‘Not mine, Hazel’s. And it wouldn’t have been a flat cat; it would have been human gore.’
Captain Vandenbergh picked up Fuzzy Britches, stroked it, then returned it to Lowell
‘It’s a Martian,’ announced Lowell.’
‘Yes?’
Hazel caught his attention. ‘The situation has multifarious ramifications not immediately apparent to the unassisted optic. This immature zygote holds it as the ultimate desideratum to consort with the dominate aborigine of the trifurcate variety. Through a judicious use of benign mendacity, Exhibit “A” performs as a surrogate in spirit if not in letter. Do you dig me, boy?’
Vandenbergh blinked. ‘I think so. Perhaps it’s just as well. They are certainly engaging little pets — though I wouldn’t have one in any ship of mine. They —’
‘She means,’ Lowell explained, ‘that I want to see a Martian with legs. I still do. Do you know one?’
Hazel said, ‘Coach, I tried, but they were too big for me.’
Captain Vandenbergh stared at Lowell. ‘He’s quite serious about it, isn’t he?’
‘I’m afraid he is’
He turned to Dr Stone. ‘Ma’am, I’ve fair connections around here and these things can always be arranged, in spite of treaties. Of course, there would be a certain element of danger — not much in my opinion.’
Dr Stone answered, ‘Captain, I have never considered danger to be an evaluating factor.’
‘Um, no, you wouldn’t, ma’am. Shall I try it?’
‘If you would be so kind.’
‘It will pay interest on my debt. I’ll let you know.’ He dismissed the matter and turned again to the twins. ‘What profit-tax classification does your enterprise come under?’
‘Profit tax?’
‘Haven’t you figured it yet?’
‘We didn’t know there was one.’
‘I can see you haven’t done much importing and exporting, not on Mars anyhow. If you are a Commonwealth citizen, it all goes into income tax, of course. But if you come from out planet, you pay a single-shot tax on each transaction. Better find yourself a tax expert; the formula is somewhat complicated.’
‘We won’t pay it!’ said Pollux.
His father answered quietly, ‘Haven’t you two been in jail in enough lately?’
Pollux shut up. For the next few minutes they exchanged glances, whispers, and shrugs. Presently Castor stood up.
‘Dad, Mother — may we be excused?’
‘Certainly. If you can manage to squeeze out.’
‘No dessert, boys?’
‘We aren’t very hungry.’
They went into town, to return an hour later not with a tax expert but with a tax guide they had picked up at the Chamber of Commerce. The adults were still seated in the general room, chatting; the table had been folded up to the ceiling. They threaded through the passageway of knees into their cubicle; they could be heard whispering in there from time to time.
Presently they came out. ‘Excuse us, folks. Uh, Hazel?’
‘What is it, Cas?’
‘You said your fee was two-thirds of our net.’
‘Huh? Did your leg come away in my hand, chum? I wouldn’t —’
‘Oh, no, we’d rather pay it.’ He reached out, dropped half a dozen small coins in her hand ‘There it is.’