“Yes. . . your privilege.”
“And my responsibility. Probably you are right about this man, whoever he is. . . you’re usually right, or we couldn’t keep things going. But it is my responsibility to review things whenever I think it necessary. However, there is no call for you to talk about resigning until I actully do reverse you. Since you have forced the issue, if I do find it necessary to reverse you on this, I’ll ask for your resignation. But until I do, keep your shirt on. Fair enough?”
“Fair enough. I was hasty, Mr. Secretary. The file jacket will be on your desk.”
“On second thought, don’t bother. If you are carrying one of your favorites. . .”
“I have no favorites, Mr. MacClure. I dislike them all, impersonally.”
“Sometimes I think you hate yourself. Now where were we? Oh yes! Well, when we made that terrible bust about the Hoorussian, Mrs. Murgatroyd saw a chance to do a good deed. Oh, I suppose she was out to pep up her program, but that’s beside the point. Right away, Pidgie-Widgie started telling all his little friends about this. terrible thing and asked them all to write in and join the Friends of Lummox. She got over three million replies in the first twenty-four hours. By now half the kids on this continent and nobody knows how many elsewhere are ‘Friends of Lummox,’ pledged to protect him from persecution.”
“Her,” corrected Mr. Kiku.
“Eh?”
“I beg your pardon. I suppose neither term is correct. The Hroshii come in six assorted sexes. You can call Lummox either ‘him’ or ‘her’. . . we really need new, words. But it doesn’t matter.”
“Well, it certainly doesn’t to me,” agreed MacClure. “But if we had actually put the quietus on this Lummox, I believe the kids would have started a revolution. I really do. Not to mention the adults who are Pidgie-Widgie fans. Even so, the department got a black eye out of it. But Beulah Murgatroyd is willing to go along with a deal to help us out. She interviews us and I answer the general questions and you back me on the details-all about how the department is careful to protect the rights of our non-human friends and how everybody ought to be tolerant-the usual line. Then Pidgie-Widgie asks what happened to Lummox and you tell the kiddies how Lummox was really sort of a fairy prince in disguise. . . or princess. . . and how Lummox has gone away to his home in the sky. It will be terrific.”
MacClure added, “That’s all you have to do. They patch in a shot of Lummox getting into the Hoorussian ship and waving goodbye. Then we all eat a bowl of Hunkies-don’t worry, I’ll see that your bowl is empty!-and Pidgie-Widgie sings his ‘Skylarker’ song. End. It won’t take twenty minutes and it will be a big thing for the department. Okay?”
“No.”
“Now, Henry. . . All right, you won’t even have to pretend to eat Hunkies.”
“No.”
“Henry, you’re impossible. Don’t you agree that it is our business to help train up the kids to understand their responsibilities and have right attitudes in this modern age-the age of the Community of Civilizations?”
“No, sir, I do not. That is the business of parents and educators, not of government. This department has more than it can do just to try to hold things together in the face of ever-increasing xenic problems.” Mr. Kiku added to himself: even if I did agree, I wouldn’t do it by eating Hunkies!
“Hmm. . . A narrow attitude, Henry. A bureaucratic one, if I may say so. You know perfectly well that we are in hot water about this Hoorussian thing from other directions, too, with The Society for the Preservation of the Status Quo screaming for isolation and the Keep Earth Human League jumping on us. It gets the Council uneasy. Along comes a chance to build up public opinion against such crackpots and you won’t even help. You don’t have the Status Quo people and the Human-Earth jokers bothering you-because I keep them off your neck.”
“I’m sorry, sir. But you shouldn’t waste time on them either. No doubt you know that there is a money motive back of every one of those apparently crackpot organizations. Let the people with opposing economic interests fight them-the shipping lines and the importers and the scientists. Our business is foreign relations. When we are bothered by pressure groups, we should let our public relations people handle them; that is what they are for.”