On the other hand…
When I had reached “On the other hand” about eighteen times, I got up and dressed and went looking for Harry Gates; it occurred to me that since he was a head of department and present at the meeting, it was proper to talk to him about it.
He wasn’t in his room; Barbara suggested that I try the laboratory. He was there, alone, unpacking specimens that had been sent over the day before. He looked up. “Well, Tom, how is it going?”
“Not too good.”
“I know. Say, I haven’t had a proper chance to thank you. Shall I write it out, or will you have it right off my chest?”
“Uh, let’s take it for granted.” I had not understood him at first, for it is the simple truth that I had forgotten about pulling him out of the water; I hadn’t had time to think about it.
“As you say. But I won’t forget it. You know that, don’t you?”
“Okay. Harry, I need advice.”
“You do? Well, I’ve got it in all sizes. All of it free and all of it worth what it costs, I’m afraid.”
“You were at the meeting tonight.”
“So were you.” He looked worried.
“Yes.” I told him all that had been fretting me, then thought about it and told him all that Chet had said. “What am I to do, Harry? Chet is right; the chance of doing any good on another jump isn’t worth it. Even if we find a planet worth reporting-a chance that is never good, based on what the fleet has done as a whoIe-even so, we almost certainly won’t be able to report it except by going back, two centuries after we left. It’s ridiculous and, as Chet says, suicidal, with what we’ve got left. On the other hand, the Captain is right; this is what we signed up for. The ship’s sailing orders say for us to go on.”
Harry carefully unpacked a package of specimens before he answered.
“Tommie, you should ask me an easy one. Ask me whether or not to get married and I’ll tell you like a shot. Or anything else. But there is one thing no man can tell another man and that is whore his duty lies. That you must decide for yourself.”
I thought about it. “Doggone it, Harry, how do you feel about it?”
“Me?” He stopped what he was doing. “Tom, I just don’t know. For myself personally … well, I’ve been happier in this ship than I have ever been before in my life. I’ve got my wife and kids with me and I’m doing just the work I want to do. With others it may be different.”
“How about your kids?”
“Aye, there’s the rub. A family man-” He frowned. “I can’t advise you, Tom. If I even hint that you should not do what you signed up to do, I’d be inciting to mutiny … a capital crime, for both of us. If I tell you that you must do what the Captain wants, I’d be on safe legal grounds-but it might mean the death of you and me and my kids and all the rest of us… because Chet has horse sense on his side even if the law is against him.” He sighed. “Tom, I just missed checking out today-thanks to you-and my judgment isn’t back in shape. I can’t advise you; I’d be prejudiced.”
I didn’t answer. I was wishing that Uncle Steve had made it; he always had an answer for everything.
“All I can do,” Harry went on, “is to make a weaselly suggestion.”
“Huh? What is it?”
“You might go to the Captain privately and tell him just how worried you are. It might affect his decisions. At least he ought to know.”
I said I would think about it and thanked him and left. I went to bed and eventually got to sleep. I was awakened in the middle of the night by the ship shaking. The ship always swayed a little when waterborne, but not this way, nor this much; not on Elysia.
It stopped and then it started again…and again it stopped…and started. I was wondering what…when it suddenly quivered in an entirely different way, one that I recognized; it was the way the torch felt when it was just barely critical. The engineers called it “clearing her throat” and was a regular part of overhaul and inspection. I decided that Mr. Regato must be working late, and I quieted down again. The bumping did not start up again.