have happened–I used words such as were used at that time–1601. I sent
it anonymously to a magazine, and how the editor abused it and the
sender!
But that man was a praiser of Rabelais and had been saying, ‘O that we
had a Rabelais!’ I judged that I could furnish him one.
“Then I took it to one of the greatest, best and most learned of Divines
[Rev. Joseph H. Twichell] and read it to him. He came within an ace of
killing himself with laughter (for between you and me the thing was
dreadfully funny. I don’t often write anything that I laugh at myself,
but I can hardly think of that thing without laughing). That old Divine
said it was a piece of the finest kind of literary art–and David Gray of
the Buffalo Courier said it ought to be printed privately and left behind
me when I died, and then my fame as a literary artist would last.”
FRANKLIN J. MEINE
THE FIRST PRINTING
Verbatim Reprint
[Date, 1601.]
CONVERSATION, AS IT WAS BY THE SOCIAL FIRESIDE, IN THE TIME OF THE
TUDORS.
[Mem.–The following is supposed to be an extract from the diary of the
Pepys of that day, the same being Queen Elizabeth’s cup-bearer. He is
supposed to be of ancient and noble lineage; that he despises these
literary canaille; that his soul consumes with wrath, to see the queen
stooping to talk with such; and that the old man feels that his nobility
is defiled by contact with Shakespeare, etc., and yet he has got to stay
there till her Majesty chooses to dismiss him.]
YESTERNIGHT
toke her maiste ye queene a fantasie such as she sometimes hath, and had
to her closet certain that doe write playes, bokes, and such like, these
being my lord Bacon, his worship Sir Walter Ralegh, Mr. Ben Jonson, and
ye child Francis Beaumonte, which being but sixteen, hath yet turned his
hand to ye doing of ye Lattin masters into our Englishe tong, with grete
discretion and much applaus. Also came with these ye famous Shaxpur. A
righte straunge mixing truly of mighty blode with mean, ye more in
especial since ye queenes grace was present, as likewise these following,
to wit: Ye Duchess of Bilgewater, twenty-two yeres of age; ye Countesse
of Granby, twenty-six; her doter, ye Lady Helen, fifteen; as also these
two maides of honor, to-wit, ye Lady Margery Boothy, sixty-five, and ye
Lady Alice Dilberry, turned seventy, she being two yeres ye queenes
graces elder.
I being her maites cup-bearer, had no choice but to remaine and beholde
rank forgot, and ye high holde converse wh ye low as uppon equal termes,
a grete scandal did ye world heare thereof.
In ye heat of ye talk it befel yt one did breake wind, yielding an
exceding mightie and distresfull stink, whereat all did laugh full sore,
and then–
Ye Queene.–Verily in mine eight and sixty yeres have I not heard the
fellow to this fart. Meseemeth, by ye grete sound and clamour of it, it
was male; yet ye belly it did lurk behinde shoulde now fall lean and flat
against ye spine of him yt hath bene delivered of so stately and so waste
a bulk, where as ye guts of them yt doe quiff-splitters bear, stand
comely still and rounde. Prithee let ye author confess ye offspring.
Will my Lady Alice testify?
Lady Alice.–Good your grace, an’ I had room for such a thundergust
within mine ancient bowels, ’tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same
and live to thank God for yt He did choose handmaid so humble whereby to
shew his power. Nay, ’tis not I yt have broughte forth this rich
o’ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further.
Ye Queene.–Mayhap ye Lady Margery hath done ye companie this favor?
Lady Margery.–So please you madam, my limbs are feeble wh ye weighte and
drouth of five and sixty winters, and it behoveth yt I be tender unto
them. In ye good providence of God, an’ I had contained this wonder,
forsoothe wolde I have gi’en ‘ye whole evening of my sinking life to ye
dribbling of it forth, with trembling and uneasy soul, not launched it