The nemet came awake with a start and an oath, looked at Kurt with dazed eyes, then rolled out of bed and
wrapped a kilt around himself. “Gods,” he said, “you look deathly, friend. What happened? Are you all right? Is there some-?”
“I’ve just been put to explaining a situation to Mim,” Kurt said, and found his limbs shaking under him, the delayed reaction to all that he had been through. “Kta, I need advice.”
Kta showed him a chair. “Sit down, my friend. Compose your heart and I will help you if you can make me understand. Shall I find you something to drink?”
Kurt sat down and bowed his head, locked his fingers behind his neck until he made himself remember the calm that belonged in, Elas. The scent of incense, the dim light of the phusa, the sense of stillness, all this comforted him, and the panic left him though the fear did not.
“I am all right,” he said. “No, do not bother about try drink.”
“You only now came in?” Kta asked him, for the morning showed through the window.
Kurt nodded, looked him in the eyes, and Kta let the breath hiss slowly between his teeth.
“A personal matter?” Kta asked with admirable delicacy.
“The whole of Elas seems to have read matters better than I did when I went up to the Afen. Was it that obvious? Does the whole of Nephane know by now, or is there any privacy in this city?”
“Mim knew, at least. Kurt, Kurt, light of heaven, ther8 Was no need to guess. When the Methi’s men came back to assure us of your safety, it was clear enough, coupled with the Methi’s reaction to the betrothal. My friend, do not 6e ashamed. We always knew that your life would be bound to that of the Methi. Nephane has taken it for granted from the day you came. It was the betrothal to Mim that shocked everyone. I am speaking plainly. I think the truth has its moment, even if it is bitter. Yes, the whole of Nephane knows, and is by no means surprised.”
Kurt swore, a raw and human oath, and gazed off at the window, unable to look at the nemet.
“Have you,” said Kta, “love for the Methi?”
“No,” he said harshly.
“You chose to go,” Kta reminded him, “when Elas would have fought for you.”
“Elas has no place in this.”
“We have no honor if we let you protect us in this way. But it is not clear to us what your wishes are in this matter. Do you wish us to intervene?”
“I do not wish it,” he answered.
“Is this the wish of your heart? Or do you still think to shield us? You owe us the plain truth, Kurt. Tell us I yes or no and we will believe your word and do as you wish.”
“I do not love the Methi,” he said in a still voice, “but I do not want Elas involved between us.”
“That tells me nothing.”
“I expect,” he said, finding it difficult to meet Kta’s dark-eyed and gentle sympathy, “that it will not be the last time. I owe her, Kta. If my behavior offends the honor of Elas or of Minn, tell me. I have no wish to bring misery on this house, and least of all on Mim. Tell me what to do.”
“Life,” said Kta, “is a powerful urge. You protest you hate the Methi, and perhaps she hates you, but the urge to survive and perpetuate your kind may be a sense of honor above every other honor. Mim has spoken to me of this.”
He felt a deep sickness, thinking of that. At the moment he himself did not even wish to survive.
“Mim honors you,” said Kta, “very much. If your heart toward her changed, still you are bound, my friend. I feared this, and Mim foreknew it. I beg you do not think of breaking this vow with Mim; it would dishonor her. Ai, my friend, my friend, we are a people that does not believe in sudden marriage, yet for once we were led by the heart; we were moved by the desire to make you and Mim happy. Now I hope that we have not been cruel instead. You cannot undo what you have done with Mim.”