You were a child. His very gentleness caught at her, turned her inside out.
Does that excuse me?
You did nothing wrong. And yet you blame yourself for surviving. You were meant to survive. Let me help you.
She raked her hand through her hair so that it fell in a dark cloud around her face. Hunger was burning through her body, gnawing and crawling. She tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the knowledge that feeding was no longer as repulsive to her as it should be. Just as she tried to ignore how easy it was to control her prey. She winced. Prey. Did you hear me? I thought of them as prey, not people. That’s what I’ve become. That’s what he made me. How can you help me? How can I trust you? I know what you are. You helped me to kill him. You taught me to be what I am. I see the darkness in you. Do you deny it?
Of course I do not deny it. The beast is a part of me. It is my strength as well as my weakness. But there is much more to me than a mindless beast bent on death and the torment and pain of others. Just as there is more to you than what he tried to make you.
There is darkness in me. She wouldn’t lie. Not to him. Or to herself, not anymore.
My love. He said the two words softly, wrapped her up in his magic. His blood flows in your veins, haunting you, tormenting and whispering, but it is his darkness you feel, not your own. Carpathians are great healers. The soil here is adequate, but the soil of our homeland is like no other. His tainted blood can be removed. His shadowing can be dealt with by our healers and the soil of our homeland.
How can I trust anything you say to me? She repeated her question almost desperately, wanting something from him he could never give her. Reassurance. She wanted reassurance, yet she didn’t dare believe ever again.
That is something only you can answer. There was no impatience in his voice, no anger, only a soft gentleness that threatened to fragment her heart. You have to find that answer for yourself. If you truly cannot see a difference between me and that unholy monster who dragged you from the safety of your home and subjected you—subjected both of us—to his depraved tortures, then I have nothing with which to defend myself. And I never will. You have to see into my heart and soul. Look past the beast and see the man. See what you are to me. My heart and my soul. My everything. See me, all of me, not just fragments, and you will have your answers.
She hated him for whispering the words in her mind. For tempting her. His touch was feather-light, brushing the words against her hideous memories with the caressing stroke of an artist’s brush. He was luring her deeper into his web. She was mesmerized by him. By everything he said. Everything he promised. By what he left unsaid. The strength and power he possessed. His knowledge. The way he had sheltered a helpless child. Even the way he had given her his blood and had not taken a single sip of hers. Blood was power. Connection. He had cradled her to him as no other ever had. Held her as if she mattered to him. He said things that pierced her armor like arrows. Beautiful things she needed, she craved. Beautiful things that terrified her.
Strangely, as she filled in the earth where she had rested, restoring it to its original state, a slight tremor in her legs caught her attention. Alarmed, Destiny lifted her hand in front of her face. It was shaking. Damn you, I don’t want you here. What if she had to kill him? What if he gave her no choice? He was making her so weak, her body trembled. She couldn’t afford him. She wouldn’t have him in her territory.
You are worth the risk to my life; you always have been worth the risk. Nicolae spoke sincerely, as if he meant every word.